Re: Dumpee dating after separation ?
Thank you JellyBeans...I do want to see that rise and for all of the calls for the men dumpee's to relax and find themselves, I believe this only prolongs the process, because while the dumpee might well discover new things about themselves as the months go by, there is one underlying problem with this method. Loneliness and if, like in my case there is a EA / likely PA, the hurt that one feels by the betrayal. How does one ignore this when they sit at home alone ? ( when their kids are not there...I have said this before how amazing it is that my 9 year old son has become the rock for us both ) Being out with friends is all good and important ( I am looking forward to finally connecting with some people I was introduced to when I first came into town but who I kept at a distance to work on my marriage ) but the ultimate soother is to feel wanted again, even if it's never pursued into the bedroom.
This is not about revenge it's about filing a void in me, that was created in a firestorm. I am certainly not talking about going out being a pig, no interest in that, but...
This is one piece of advice I have gotten from many ( don't date work on yourself first ) that I am not going to follow. I want my son to go home to Mom and tell him what fun he had with Daddy and this other girl, as I have had.
It's my belief that no matter how confident a man gets after spending months and months on himself, that nothing says I am moving on like finding another interest of the opposite sex.
The saddest thing is that the one thing my son has said to both his mother and I are...I will never live with you again if you find someone new...I will go live with ( insert parent of choice here ). He can live with the separation but not the thought that we might find replacements. Even a child recognizes this as the point where things change for the worst. So no matter what, I will play this very carefully...
Thanks JellyBeans, I needed to hear this from a woman and with an understanding that this IS a game, even if we want to pretend it's not. I wonder, because I am certainly not going to settle for less, as she has, if this jealousy that will likely rise in her might not cause her to reflect on her own choice of replacement.
When I was in high school and a girl dumped me, I had my mourning period, followed closely by finding another woman and without fail, the dumper saw me with that other woman and they were suddenly on me like white on rice. The confidence a man exudes when he is with a new woman, how pea****y he feels especially when that new woman is beautiful. This, in my estimation is what those men who are prepared for it should do. If for no other reason than to feel the hunt and capture instinct that remains in we men from our days as cavemen.
I sense that some will disagree with me and who knows I may get there and sense I am not ready but my goal anyway is to play it very slow...
Wish me luck !
I am not an expert but I did stay at a holiday inn once =)