magnoliagal

Yes in fact I do. I spent years like that with my own PA husband. Sucks and it hurt more than I can describe. The only thing that helped was the fact that we worked opposite shifts so I didn't have to do it often. When he gets that way can you leave?

I'm not saying ignore him I'm saying respect his wishes.

Oh and the year thing is another bluff tactic. He think it's his timeline but I'm not sure I believe him. I said the same thing.

credamdóchasgra

There wasn't a void if you were sitting there right next to him!
What harm does it do to get out of the house by yourself when he drops this bomb on you?
Instead of sitting next to him waiting for him to accept your love???

I'm sorry if I sound harsh.
My own H has pulled similar crap on me before.
"may I please make you breakfast?"---is an AWFUL feeling.

I will NEVER allow myself to be rejected by my husband again.
That feels much better.

Don't position yourself for rejection.
He says "I don't want you"?
Say "I hope you don't mean that," give him a confident smile, and then leave the house to give him space.
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trey69

Now is the time to get out of the house some. Do some things for yourself. Take care of yourself, because this seems to possibly no longer be in your hands.

__________________
"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."

MarriedWifeInLove

I am taking care of myself.

I went out on Sat and shopped, etc., and stayed gone for about 4 hours.

On Sun I went into town and was gone for 3 hours.

It was the being home that was awful - it felt like a tomb.

That's the hardest for me - being in the same bed with him and not being able to touch.

No good night kisses.

No kisses goodbye.

No PM phone call when he finished his doctor's appt's.

Those were things I looked forward to and now that they are gone - it's like I've died.

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

MarriedWifeInLove

One other thing that was weird.

His porn use ramped way down the last few weeks.

Until yesterday (Sun) - then it was all he did - not really websites, but websites for sex toys. Even with me sitting in the room.

Seemed to be an obssession to look at everyone he could find.

Was weird, even for him.

And, he's not even hiding anymore. Browser is right there and open for me to see, yet he minimized the screen every time I got near the computer.

If he's leaving and doesn't care - then why minimize the screen - if I'm to be his STBX, then why does he care if I see what he's doing?

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

magnoliagal

Fitness test?

MarriedWifeInLove

Okay - well what did he expect me to do?

I didn't question, didn't ask and only saw it later because he left it on the screen, like he had nothing to hide, yet minimized the screen every time I came near it.

He just confuses the crap out of me sometimes.

I don't know which end is up.

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

magnoliagal

How would you have responded in the past?

I've been changing my behavior with my PA husband and he's fitness testing me. Sounds like you are in the same place I am.

MarriedWifeInLove

In the past -

Said - you don't have to minimize your screen when I walk by, I know you're looking at porn.

This time I had no input or response whatsoever - pretended like I didn't even see it.

Could he be saying he wants a divorce a test too?

He seems so serious - like it's final - it's not like him to do it the way he's doing it unless he's made up his mind.

But then again - he flops - like the TV and touching me in bed, etc.

I want so badly to believe I can turn this around - but I'm not sure.

I'm gonna try though.

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford

magnoliagal

Yes. Think about it. He is sending mixed messages, he gave the year timeline when if he wanted he could leave now, etc.

I think he's trying to take back control of his life starting with you. Just a guess I mean he could be serious and if he is there is not a whole lot you can do. Your job is to give him space, back off and let him be.

Not commenting on the porn was a good move.

reader27

It seems like you are contributing a lot more to your marriage than he is. It makes me wonder, does he really think that he would be better off without you? Or does he think that you would be better off without him?

MarriedWifeInLove

Actually - he has said in the past that I would be better off without HIM.

Maybe this is his way of going about it since I'm too damn stubborn to leave myself.

IDK.

__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford