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What makes a 35+ woman attractive to you?

43K views 263 replies 86 participants last post by  jld 
#1 ·
This is somewhat of a stolen thread topic concept from southbound. What makes a 35+ woman attractive to you guys? Also, what would make you have the courage to approach that woman and strike up a conversation if you noticed there was no wedding ring? Physical and personality traits are acceptable answers on this one. There truly are no wrong answers.

However, try to refrain from the whole “She needs to look like Carrie Underwood, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel or Megan Fox,” because they are SOOOO not even close to 35 years old. I’m certain you guys would hate to have the ladies play the whole “He needs to look like Matthew McConaughey,” comparison card.

Have at it guys!
 
#155 ·
This is somewhat of a stolen thread topic concept from southbound. What makes a 35+ woman attractive to you guys?
The same things that make a 25 year old girl attractive to me with the added knowledge that the 35 year old actually knows how to use those things.
:)

Also, what would make you have the courage to approach that woman and strike up a conversation if you noticed there was no wedding ring?
She`d have to show "some" interest, a smile, "the look", something before I`d directly approach her.
 
#158 ·
Dean,

That's a good point. I can understand that women have to watch their backs for the criminals and the predators, but generally when a man smiles and says hello, he's not necessarily 1) flirting, 2) trying to pick you up, 3) a stalker, or 4) thinks that if you smile and say hi, you're giving him the green light to seduce. I'm concerned that in the (understandable) effort to protect ourselves and keep from giving the wrong signals, we've gone too far in the other direction. For all our instant messaging and modern communications technology, we've becomre more of a shut-off, closed society. We're suspicious of everyone, people don't say hello as much, women are closed off because 1) they are tired of being "hit on" and overreact to any man just being civil and saying good day as a pickup attempt; 2) they may have had an ex-stalker boyfriend and so their leery; 3) they think that if they smile and say hello to a man that he will want to get in their pants; etc. It's ironic that the more communication capability we have, the more we're losing our ability to be just plain civil. People look-past each other and are withdrawn into their own worlds. I'm not saying total strangers should just strike up a conversation like long-lost best friends, but let's find a happy balance somewhere.

Ladies, Dean's statement is simple yet profound: smile and say hello. This is the outgoing friendliness that is so attractive. Just for the mere fact that this seems to be rather rare nowadays, some man somewhere might take it to mean a bit more than it does, just because in doing so you'll stand out because so many others don't do this simple gesture.

Being attractive really isn't hard and doesn't cost thousands of dollars. It does take effort - effort to be kind, to converse, to focus on other people and their concerns and words, not just our own, and to smile and say hello and just be likable human beings. If you ladies would smile and just be civil, and not make us pay with your defense shields because some other guys were cads and tried cheesy pickup lines and shut you off to the rest of the guys, then your natural feminity that is so attractive to the masculine polarity of men will be free to shine through.

DJ
 
#164 · (Edited)
Nice thread!

Too bad it was started before I joined TAM.

In my opinion , and this is just my opinion.
Doesn't mean that this has any bearing on anyone else's reality.

In my opinion, women look their best, and are at their sexual prime between the ages of 35 - 55.
Between those magical ages it's almost as if a switch is flipped on inside of them and insecurities simply disappear. They are comfortable with their bodies and natural self whether they are well dressed or naked.
I think that inner self confidence comes through real life experiences and a deeper understanding of themselves.[ those that actually work on themselves and have that.]



Men on the other hand tend to look their best between 17 - 40. They tend not to question their sexual ability between those ages because everything's still " functional." After 40 , very few men maintain themselves.
 
#166 ·
I was a goofball at 17 and beyond. I had no clue as to being sexual.......I am 55 and in the best overall physical and mental (present divorce burp excepted) condition of my life. I feel as though I have really awakened and emerged into the best man I will ever become. I have no idea how long this period will last. I feel a great sense of loss, however, because the man I have become is ultimately the man my stbxw was looking for all along. She will never know and I find that incredibly sad...........D
 
#173 ·
Oh, WOM. Everybody feels bad for you. We all hope your wife is secretly reading this. You really are not asking for very much.

And if you really feel like you are starving, maybe you should just get a divorce. I think you stay for your child, right?

But if you are so unhappy, it might be better for your child and you if you just call it quits and find someone who can feed you.
 
#171 ·
If you believe that personality matters more than looks, then a woman at 35 is just about as great as she was at 25.

Every man wants and needs something different.

I fall firm in the workaholic borderline family negligent camp. If I found a 35 yo woman who knew how to build a strong relationship in this sort of context (cuz I clearly don't), sign me up a million times over...

...and I think that translates into someone who is selfless and willing to put the relationship before herself, good temperament, and patient. Very tough thing to expect from someone though as I put career first, am impatient, and stubborn.
 
#178 ·
I find this interesting. Those 35- are not necessarily fitter, healthier or even more fertile.

Excess weight, the high incidences of chlamydia among young women make them nearly as(in)fertile as those 35+.

I have heard that on OLD, some men will say that they want children just to justify the younger and sometimes greater differences in age of the women that they seek.
 
#180 ·
I have had girls in their 20's of late express interest in me lately, who I thought were repulsive on the inside, yet I have met an unwed physiotherapist in her mid 30's who I thought was gorgeous, even though most would say she was conventionally unattractive. She was awkward, gangly, sincere, intelligent, and did not wear make up, just how I like women. I didn't even bother trying to talk to her though, as she would most likely have a list of demands up the wazoo, 6ft+ tall, rich, handsome, etc.

I also get matched with various women on this dating site I lacklustrely signed up to, they send me constant emails, and they are all horrendous and shallow women, out of nowhere though, I was matched to a 35yo woman in my city, though originally from Switzerland I believe, and although most would say she is not attractive, I thought she was perfect, into bushwalking, diving, climbing, travelling, does not need make up. Again, can't bring myself to message her, as I just know she would only be wanting "Fabio" and would not really want someone like me.

I dunno if that helped answer your question, I guess I can see endless "pretty" women and feel nothing for them, but a woman who has her feet on the ground, who is real, who likes to do the same things as me, and who doesn't wear make up, I find very attractive, and I would stand by such a woman to hell and back.
 
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#184 ·
I have had girls in their 20's of late express interest in me lately, who I thought were repulsive on the inside, yet I have met an unwed physiotherapist in her mid 30's who I thought was gorgeous, even though most would say she was conventionally unattractive. She was awkward, gangly, sincere, intelligent, and did not wear make up, just how I like women. I didn't even bother trying to talk to her though, as she would most likely have a list of demands up the wazoo, 6ft+ tall, rich, handsome, etc.

I also get matched with various women on this dating site I lacklustrely signed up to, they send me constant emails, and they are all horrendous and shallow women, out of nowhere though, I was matched to a 35yo woman in my city, though originally from Switzerland I believe, and although most would say she is not attractive, I thought she was perfect, into bushwalking, diving, climbing, travelling, does not need make up. Again, can't bring myself to message her, as I just know she would only be wanting "Fabio" and would not really want someone like me.

I dunno if that helped answer your question, I guess I can see endless "pretty" women and feel nothing for them, but a woman who has her feet on the ground, who is real, who likes to do the same things as me, and who doesn't wear make up, I find very attractive, and I would stand by such a woman to hell and back.
This is rich coming from me,

but I recognise what you are doing as 'projecting' onto people you don't yet know. Don't bother with the internet, it's for girls who already have casual 'nice' boyfriends who want unprotected sex with 'fun' strangers. Not at all worth it.

Many years ago, I thought I'd found a girl, younger, who was shy, naïve, hardworking, honest, no tattoos, dressed modestly etc - you know ideal for longterm. When I dated her, I found out that she lived with her grandparents because she was out of control, her dad was god knows where, her sister was a drug addict, and her past boyfriends had all been revolting wannabe gangsters. She was also not that hardworking and thoroughly dishonest.

You are looking for a particular personality, yet you are sifting the applicants by appearance. To repeat the previous point, you are also searching through a medium designed for affair-sex to find a long-term partner. Does this make sense to you?

I believe that with this faulty thinking of yours, you wouldn't have noticed all the flaws in this 'innocent' girl I described to you, and you would now be paying child support to a drugged up narcissistic brat, looking on helplessly as your son/daughter's mother surrounded your child with abusers and losers.

You should stop projecting and introduce yourself to the women who interest you. There is nothing preventing you from walking away if they turn out slaggy. Just treat it as practice - which is good, for the real world. You will likely meet someone serious in a social club or hiking club where your interests co-incide, than in a bar or chatroom.

Don't be a sucker when you do meet people too. Stop projecting: pay attention instead to what you really see and hear, and stop treating a good woman as a 'scarce commodity', you yourself through this mindset are making them rarer than they are, which will make you needy and clingy the effect of which is: when you do meet them, they'll sense fake-niceness/desperation and they'll run.

In reality, there are more than enough good ones, you just need to increase your chances of meeting them, by going to the right places, being patient and not too eager and simply spend time ... meeting them and enjoying their company - getting to know the real person, before even thinking of dating them.

Chances are, if you're happy-go-lucky and not pushy, they'll give you the signals anyway.

S.
 
#186 ·
Dh is getting grey hair, and I think it is very sexy!

What is it with guys and their hair?!
 
#188 ·
I developed my first "older man" crush (in real life, not a celebrity) when I met a man last year in his late 40s. I seriously have never been attracted to anyone that much older than me before. I cannot aptly describe how badly I wanted to jump on this man. He is soooooooooooo hot. Wrinkles, some grey hairs and all! I think he thinks I am too young for him. Lame!



 
#193 ·
I developed my first "older man" crush (in real life, not a celebrity) when I met a man last year in his late 40s. I seriously have never been attracted to anyone that much older than me before. I cannot aptly describe how badly I wanted to jump on this man. He is soooooooooooo hot. Wrinkles, some grey hairs and all! I think he thinks I am too young for him. Lame!
I'm not in my late 40's, and you should have said something sooner. I've got wrinkles?!

OK srsly

We get the same thing too. The only woman who set fire to my loins by simply talking and spending time with me was 50. I went on a date with her, and I was 24 or so at the time, so at least I gave it a shot :)

This is what she looked like:



This is her accent, manners and voice:



I knew there was no future in it, but I've never been so motivated.
 
#189 ·
There is something about older men, isn't there, JB? Just so appealing.

I trust dh 100%, but I am sure younger women are drawn to him.

It's that hair!:D
 
#192 ·
Giggle, giggle
 
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#191 ·
What impresses me more than anything about the older woman is that she has the innate sense of sophistication that younger gals all too often lack. Also, she is more worldly and usually more educated. And not to even mention that she is far more experienced in family affairs.

With rare exception, those of us who are notably older, can look past some of the wrinkles and excess poundage, knowing that they often are the prerequisites of that experience.

Just seeing how she looks after herself, both physically and psychologically, examining her interior first, seeing how she loves and is loved, and then to the exterior elements, seeing how she looks after and respects herself, is preeminently what sparks my interest in her!
 
#196 ·
What impresses me more than anything about the older woman is that she has the innate sense of sophistication that younger gals all too often lack. Also, she is more worldly and usually more educated. And not to even mention that she is far more experienced in family affairs.

With rare exception, those of us who are notably older, can look past some of the wrinkles and excess poundage, knowing that they often are the prerequisites of that experience.

Just seeing how she looks after herself, both physically and psychologically, examining her interior first, seeing how she loves and is loved, and then to the exterior elements, seeing how she looks after and respects herself, is preeminently what sparks my interest in her!
Tres bien, m'sieur!

je suis d'accord à cent pourcent.
 
#194 ·
I hope you find someone soon, arbitrator!:)
 
#195 ·
She is beautiful, Sandfly!
 
#197 ·
My wife is 41 and I find her as beautiful as anyone. Sure, her body isnt as tight as a 20 year old, but thats okay, it still looks damn good!

My wife and I are both pretty lucky that we look much younger than our actual age. I'm 39 and one of my coworkers girlfriends thought I was 25. My wife could pass for 30.

Young girls can be hot with perfect bodies, but not much going on upstairs. They are fun to play with, but not fun to be with.

Older women can also be very fun to play with, usually play better, and also fun to be with.
 
#206 ·
My wife is 41 and I find her as beautiful as anyone. Sure, her body isnt as tight as a 20 year old, but thats okay, it still looks damn good!

My wife and I are both pretty lucky that we look much younger than our actual age. I'm 39 and one of my coworkers girlfriends thought I was 25. My wife could pass for 30.

Young girls can be hot with perfect bodies, but not much going on upstairs. They are fun to play with, but not fun to be with.

Older women can also be very fun to play with, usually play better, and also fun to be with.
Could we stop with the charades that younger women are necessarily fitter than older women. There's an obesity epdiemic going on out there and a lot of 20 and 30 somethings are really out of control with their wieght.

to keep talking about older women as if somewhow we are even fatter than they are is beyond disbelief.

I'll have you know that my fiance was dating before me a woman 21 years younger than I am; who self described as 50 pounds overweight; who admitted that she was getting tested already for diabetes, cholesterol and she told my fiance that she was being referred to a nephrologist......I actually had to look that one up(kidney and or liver specialist, big weekend drinker); to compare herself favorably to me (at 50 yo at the time) she had to say, well, at least it's better than cancer.

So if you think that someone 29yo (as she was) is a much better choice a much more beuatiful --inside and out-- well, some people can be their own worst enemy.
 
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