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What makes a 35+ woman attractive to you?

43K views 263 replies 86 participants last post by  jld 
#1 ·
This is somewhat of a stolen thread topic concept from southbound. What makes a 35+ woman attractive to you guys? Also, what would make you have the courage to approach that woman and strike up a conversation if you noticed there was no wedding ring? Physical and personality traits are acceptable answers on this one. There truly are no wrong answers.

However, try to refrain from the whole “She needs to look like Carrie Underwood, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel or Megan Fox,” because they are SOOOO not even close to 35 years old. I’m certain you guys would hate to have the ladies play the whole “He needs to look like Matthew McConaughey,” comparison card.

Have at it guys!
 
#102 ·
Ok, I guess Maria Bartiromo can be counted on the normal everyday person list. Especially since I recall once seeing a photo of her wearing a dress which was strapless and she didn’t try to hide the obvious tan lines left from a previous top with body makeup. The only condition to adding her to that list is, we all want her autograph when the two of you hook up. ;)
 
#105 ·
Um I'm in my 20's and hubby's turning 42 and I just had our 2nd baby 4 mo.'s ago and planning to have more in the future but I don't think he's using me to give him some healthy babies
Subliminally he is. . .he's got the evolutionary drive of 1000's of ancestors before him telling him it's up to him and him alone to propagate their genes.

But I am sure he loves you too :)
 
#111 ·
Ok, many great answers from the men for traits that make a woman attractive for you. Some pretty hilarious ones also.

So ...... let’s get to the second part of my question. How or when is the right time to approach her? When do you feel confident or comfortable to make your move, so to speak?

I’m not trying to sound vain but I’ve been told that I do supposedly possess traits/qualities you guys indicated. Am I so missing the boat on decent guys being interested in me and not picking up on the signals?

By decent guys, I’m so not referring to the kind of creepy internet/cable intallation guy who wasn’t at my house for all of 2 minutes before he stated I was beautiful and how lucky my husband was. (Of course, I never divulged to him there would be no “husband” residing in this house.)

Or the somewhat weird-ish pest control guy who commented I was “hot” and what all guys want in a girlfriend. Oddly, I was wearing jeans, t-shirt and trying on new hunting boots from Cabela’s which UPS had just dropped off 5 minutes before when my son came to me and stated someone else was ringing our doorbell. Being 16” snake boots, I couldn’t get them untied fast enough before I got to the door. Chalked the "hot" comment up to the guy being all of 20-ish years old. Point being, I do not dress in outfits which scream “Please notice me .... and all the skin on my female body!" I'm not completely against it and if needed, along with the appropriate setting, I can do hoochie attire. Definitely not an everyday thing for me though.

The majority of my friends are married with young children at home. The ones who are not married, are my guy friends and when we do something together, it is amazing how many people assume we are a couple. So here it is, a long weekend, my son has plans Friday and Saturday evening at friend’s houses, my few single friends have plans and I’m sitting at home alone all weekend. Something is so wrong with this picture because I’ve been doing that way too often.
 
#120 ·
That's the conundrum. Thing is, its not you. Most guys are just to unsure of themselves to be willing to act on the signals. At our age, most are too out of practice also. To make it worse, you have unintentionally become elevated in our eyes for holding these characteristics.

Since I tend to be the alpha type, I'll admit that this is one area I tend to get into trouble. I just strike up conversations with anyone. I'm not trying to get into some inappropriate relationship.

I'll give a scenario: I drove a day to meet my son in Nashville recently. While killing time before his flight arrived, I went into our normal store chain for clothes. Needed athletic socks, but hate the cheap kinds. There was an attractive 40ish woman helping her son find pants. All the guys in the men's department were checking her out. She was simply beautiful. Refined and confident, and smiled. Not a one of the abviously single guys (no rings) made a move though, even though her son was staying away from her since there were older guys in the area.

They approached the area where I was looking, and here I am holding white socks. (I'll admit, I can't wear a ring for the job. Nearly lost my finger from doing so when I forgot to take it off while showing a guy how to set up a lathe for a new fuel injection component.) I held up the white pair while she was looking in my direction with a frown and said, "trust me, I don't intend to wear these with these pants." Since I was wearing casual khakis, she laughed and said, "Hey, maybe you're from up north?" With a little "What if I am?" banter, we were talking. (my secondary career is writing, so meeting people is a part of who I am)

My goofy intro gave her the chance to show that she was a warm person, who could smile even when a guy was lame. Not sure if some of the ones you meet aren't going to need a little help in breaking the ice.
 
#112 ·
I agree. What makes a woman approachable? Like what if you have all those characteristics, but men don't approach you. You might get the odd glance, but the guys don't come up to you. Some say I seem stuck up, but I smile warmly and make eye contact. Is something I do intimidating? The only ones that say something are the complete pervs. I'm kind of shy, so maybe I put out a negative vibe.
 
#115 ·
To answer your question, I guarantee you 6, 7, or 8's are more approachable than 10's. Maybe the fact you are dressing down works to your advantage in these situations.

If it was Maryanne or Ginger and I was on Gilligans Island, 10:1 bet I'd ask Maryann out.

With those country dresses.

And pigtails.

And those innocent "Are you really going to do me?" eyes with eyelashes batting.

What were we talking about?

Oh yeah, how come the Professor could always fashion a radio out of some vines and coconuts but yet they couldn't build a raft to get off the island?
 
#121 · (Edited)
Oh yeah, how come the Professor could always fashion a radio out of some vines and coconuts but yet they couldn't build a raft to get off the island?

LOL! The irony of your comment is how one of the few guys I've dated was a college instructor who has been recently appointed to dean. He is so book smart. However, I have more mechanic technician abilities than he does. He would totally admit to it. Apparently he was explaining to a colleague how I’d fixed his washing machine and the other guy was so impressed. LOL!!!

As a side note: The center post gasket for the washer tub had begun leaking. We needed to pretty much dismantle the entire washing machine and order the part (no parts or repair place local seemed to have it in stock). He was a great brute strength assistant for that project. ;)
 
#118 ·
Other women always have an advantage compared to younger women especially in one thing; depth.

I've always tried to date older, rarely younger (for relationships ne way). My wife is close to her 30s now, (so am I, but a bit behind her), however I've been attracted to women even in their 30s-40s in the past before. However, for me at that time - it was rather awkward when I found out that her son was only 5 years my junior. >.<
 
#122 ·
Well, then. . .you and I would be a match I guess.

Ask any of the women around here and they would all say I am known for my stunning, penetrating, enormous, deep thoughts.
 
#123 ·
Confidence, knowing what she wants, more orgasmic, bigger sex drive....
I could go on and on about what makes an older woman attractive.
When was in my early twenties I usually got on better with women that were 6-10 years older.
One thing that is NOT a turn on is this new term "Cougar"
Conjures up vision of older women dressing like teenagers and chasing guys young enough to be their sons.:slap:
 
#124 ·
....... term "Cougar"

Not that long ago my son was getting into our truck while I was loading a few things in the back, and these three younger guys were talking loud enough for me to overhear them (which I'm certain was intended). One of the guys said, “Now that’s a M.I.L.F.” I had heard the expression before and fully knew what it meant. However, it took me a few seconds to realize I was the only female close by. DUH!!! They were talking about me. LOL!!!!
 
#125 ·
bigger sex drive than a 20-22yr old? Unsure of what you did at that age..........quality was definitely much worse, but frequency was way up.

I remember 2-3 times a day in college that has never been repeated...granted often there was more than one girl too.

I don't want to bust "fairytales" but Niceguy777 if that bubbly, funny, confident, chic was 250lbs you wouldn't have been so attracted to her!!

It boils down to looks guys plain and simple.........personality, attitude, demeanor, style, etc etc are all perks the deal sealer is looks.

Of course I'm talking about first meetings and out and about time of interaction. Once love is involved that is the true trump card!!
 
#126 ·
I don't want to bust "fairytales" but Niceguy777 if that bubbly, funny, confident, chic was 250lbs you wouldn't have been so attracted to her!!
Wouldn't be so sure about that. Especially if its a "curvey" 250!

A 250 with a bubbly personality trumps a beauty queen with no personality any day of the week. And at my age, staring at 20 year olds with halter tops and pierced belly buttons just makes me feel like an old pervert!!!

When people ask "what makes a woman good in bed" - the answer rarely comes with measurements. I think the most common answer is ENTHUSIASM - which closely relates to personality.

To quote Spinal Tap - "Big bottoms drive me out of my mind; How could I leave this Behind?"
 
#137 ·
I'm about to hit the 35 mark in a few months.. this thread scares me lol

I'm a funny chubby gal with kids going thru a divorce. Never went to college because I chose to get married instead (dumba$$). I feel like crap about myself most of the time...

Guess I should start buying cats now :)
 
#138 ·
I'm about to hit the 35 mark in a few months.. this thread scares me lol

I'm a funny chubby gal with kids going thru a divorce. Never went to college because I chose to get married instead (dumba$$). I feel like crap about myself most of the time...Guess I should start buying cats now :)
Work on the bold/underline part and you'll be just fine...
 
#139 ·
I am 33 and I would have no issue dating a woman 35+ if I were single again. There are so many traits that make a woman attractive though and it varies. I have no specific type physically, but I just have to find them physically attractive. I would like a woman of any age to take pride in their looks.

Personality, values, sense of humor all play a role as well.
 
#141 ·
I'm a work in progress...I do feel better since throwing out my STBX. I even took some pictures of myself and posted them on facebook, before my facebook was all pictures of my kids. I was one of those that always ran when a camera came out lol

It's a long hard road, but I'm working on it.
 
#144 ·
I just have to say, I love this thread. :D

I'm 32, going through a divorce, and realizing there's more to life than relationships. I'm finding myself and I really like myself. I feel good. This thread makes me feel good about the future, and about men in general. I think I'm in my prime!
 
#148 ·
:mad:

Um, I want my young hottie and I'll have her, thank you very much.

Not sure why the forum is trying to spoil my midlife crisis here.
 
#152 ·
The same thing that makes any woman attractive to me:

Keeps herself fit physically and mentally; meaning no major hang ups or mental issues, as well as somebody who hasn't decided that after the ring went on the need to keep herself healthy went away.

Pretty (totally subjective, but my "type" is the innocent looking girl-next-door Jennifer Aniston types, as opposed to the way too made up "glamorous" types)

Exudes sexuality (doesn't have to mean trashy by the way)

Dresses in a way that does not suggest that she's mentally on the journey to being 70.

Doesn't hate/seethe about men

Reasonably long hair (yep, I said it, short hair normally hits around the late 20's and sticks with an awful lot of women for some reason and wow, it's just not my cup of tea).

Hasn't thrown in the towel on her youthful idealism

Has my sexual kinks :)
 
#154 · (Edited)
Good afternoon, Ladies.

First of all, there is beauty in every woman. It reminds me of Don Juan Demarco's (movie) comment, made by actor Johnny Depp, and one of my favorite quotes from that movie. He is speaking about the beauty he finds in all woman:

"By seeing beyond what is visible to the eye. Now there are those, of course, who do not share my perceptions, it's true. When I say that all my woman are dazzling beauties, they object. The nose of this one is too large; the-the hips of another, they are too wide; perhaps the breasts of a third, they are too small. But I see these women for how they truly are... glorious, radiant, spectacular, and perfect, because, I am not limited by my eyesight."

Now, this is not to say that some women aren't especially gifted with physical attractiveness, but the charm of that wears off very fast if she doesn't have a warm, attractive personality. By that I mean:

Fun to be with (playful, sense of humor)
Unselfish
Doesn't put others down (including other women)
Has vitality, spunk, verve, energy (whatever you may call it)
Is comfortable with her body and has confidence
Is able to enjoy sensuality and knows what she likes and wants and communicates it (we can't read minds)
Really enjoys others' company (friends, relatives, dates) - makes others feel appreciated
Really enjoys life and lives each day to the full

You know the kind of person I'm talking about - the kind who makes you feel like you're the only person in the room when they're talking to you, that makes you laugh, but can be serious too, and just makes you feel enriched to have been in their company, whether intimately or just in a casual conversation.

With that said, any woman can be sexy and beautiful, because it's already within them. It's a choice, an attitude, it's spirit, it's an action. An attractive woman is one who embraces her feminity as a strength and celebrates it by living life to the full and being the best she can be. She is discrete but not closed off, friendly but not loose, sensual but not unfaithful. She is comfortable in her own skin and, like Adele, realizes she can be awesomely beautiful without being 105 pounds.

Women only get better with age. I'm a 41 year-old man, and I don't think younger women are more desirable than "older" (over 40) women. My wife is 39 and will be 40 this September, but I've been with her since she was 16 and I can honestly say she is more sexy and beautiful to me now than ever. I tell her so, too. (This is not a gratuitous comment - she doesn't log onto there so I have no brownie points to gain by that comment).

One of the saddest things to me is how "******* Avenue" (ie, marketing) exploits the insecurities of men and women. With women, it's the fear of aging (or the appearance of it), and with men it's their penis size. In reality, it's what you do with what you got that counts.

The one problem I believe men have in dating older women is that these women have now lived long enough to have had one or more bad experiences with men, and can (if not careful) generalize a bad attitude toward all men ("all men are dogs" etc.). Older women might be jaded by the bad experiences they've had. On the other hand, maybe they're more mature and appreciate the things that matter. Maybe they have learned what they like and how they like to be pleased, and they have fully accepted and embraced themselves.

A real man searches the beauty that a woman possesses, and appreciates it. Another quote:

"Women react to me the way that they do, Don Octavio, because they sense that I search out the beauty that dwells within until it overwhelms everything else. And then they cannot avoid their desire, to release that beauty and envelope me in it."

"Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over and he beholds before him the flower which has blossomed beneath his touch."

You will notice that in my list of what makes a woman 35+ (or any woman) attractive does not include physical attributes. I'm not denying their existance or effect, but we men have probably all been around a physically gifted women who, after awhile, makes us feel like not wanting to be around them or who is not enjoyable to be around. Some physically attractive women seem to think they can just coast along on their looks alone, and so they don't have to put forth effort to develop their personality or be polite. On the other hand, we've been around women whom the world might not pick as the most physically attractive, but there was something about them that makes a man feel alive, energized, and warm in her presence. It's that playfulness, a smile, good conversation, a connection. It's a feeling of appreciation, of a fun person who is genuinely interested in someone other than herself.

Ladies, remember that age is an attitude. You can be old at 30 and young at 50. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's your attitude and your zest (that's one word I was looking for earlier) for life that makes the difference.

Come on, guys, let's be honest. What makes cheerleaders so attractive (okay, laugh, laugh, besides the physical)? Truly, that's not really it. I see ladies every day who look like they could be models. It's really more than just surface appearance. It's their energy that they exude. They look like they're having fun, they smile, and they have all that energy.

Ladies should be encouraged to know that while they should take care of themselves the best they can, they can be very sexy and attractive to men if they make the conscious choice and attitude to be so. Put aside your insecurities, your hangups, and put away the microscope you had focused on all your faults and imperfections.

There are men who want "real women," not air-brushed fantasies. Just delight in your womanhood and be the type of person you would like to be around yourself. Trust me, a man truly worthy of your time and affection will see and appreciate this from within you, and be drawn to your femininity.

To the beauty in all of you Ladies,
Warm regards,
DJ
 
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