Sureness in a relationship

oceanbreeze · 10-13-2008, 02:32 AM

In my years of having a relationship, my boyfriend has always been sure of himself and what he wants in life. In my life, from a female perspective, I have mostly known what I want and what I am sure of.

My question is if in a relationship, why is it that men seem to know what to expect from their female counterpart and why women seem to be unsure of what to expect from their male counterpart?

(I know this does not apply to ALL relationships, but a lot of my friends and acquaintances I have come across this seems to be true)

draconis · 10-13-2008, 12:15 PM

Maybe this is just your group of friends. of the woman I know including my wife, they (most of them) seem to know exactly what they want from their S/O.

draconis

Chopblock · 10-13-2008, 04:56 PM

I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around your question. There are many ways to interpret it, and I'm not sure what you are hoping to learn.

Are you talking about "roles"? Something which is becoming more murky in todays society? Are you suggesting that most men you've encountered know exactly what roles their females should play (she is responsible for these chores, she is responsible for these tasks, she should accompany me to these events...)

Or are you talking more like "she should know when she should stand her ground, and when she should just go with my way?"

I'll say I've encountered plenty of women who were sure about their wants/beliefs, so its tough to expand without more info.

line6guy · 10-13-2008, 07:24 PM

I'm a bit unclear of your question as well. But, let me put it this way... TALK... Talk about your goals, wants, desires. Talk about his goals, wants, desires. Talk about how to achieve those goals individually and together. Figure out where your goals match. Or where they don't. The biggest issue after years of marriage is losing sight of the common goals, and working only on your individual goals. Each person in a relationship is responsible for themselves. But, each person is also responsible for their partner achieving their goals. You can't have one person attaining their own goals while the other person "goes by the wayside." So, talk about those things now. Hey, at least you will find out if your partner will be supportive of you.

oceanbreeze · 10-14-2008, 12:28 AM

What I meant is how is that in my group of friends and acquaintances, the men are sure about their significant other's personality. They know how far their significant other would go in any situation, know their desires/wants/needs w/o it having to be communicated? Is this all in my friend's behavior that their men are able to pick it up? Or was it discussed in the beginning of courting in the relationship? And as the relationship progresses, why the females become unsure of where they stand and unsure of their men's behavior ?

draconis · 10-14-2008, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oceanbreeze

What I meant is how is that in my group of friends and acquaintances, the men are sure about their significant other's personality. They know how far their significant other would go in any situation, know their desires/wants/needs w/o it having to be communicated? Is this all in my friend's behavior that their men are able to pick it up? Or was it discussed in the beginning of courting in the relationship? And as the relationship progresses, why the females become unsure of where they stand and unsure of their men's behavior ?

Ask most men and they will say it is the other way around.

draconis

line6guy · 10-14-2008, 08:47 AM

I agree with draconis. Most men feel women are a mystery. They read signs from a woman. The only way to really know is to talk. Most men have a hard time talking about their feelings. If he cares for you, and realizes the seriousness, though, he will open up. Talking about feelings is not sissy! :-)

Chopblock · 10-14-2008, 10:55 AM

Maybe you are only getting half the story, or maybe the men in your group have been trained to act as if they know everything so that they don't embarrass the woman in social gatherings?

Maybe the men just keep their mouths shut to avoid problems?

---hey know how far their significant other would go in any situation,---

I would love to know what evidence you've seen to prove this. I have a friend who knows that while her man WILL accompany her clothes shopping, she has maybe a 15-30 minute window before his patience runs out and he won't stand around anymore.

---know their desires/wants/needs w/o it having to be communicated?---

I am especially DYING to know what evidence you have seen to support this hypothesis? Do the men in your circle know exactly when to pick up chores, or exactly when to give her space? Or are we talking like, he knows to come home with some surprise once a week (which quite frankly could just be a safety move on his part)

---Is this all in my friend's behavior that their men are able to pick it up?---

Have men YOU'VE dated been able to pick up on what you wanted? I'm sure you felt (like most women do) that you were sending crystal clear signals.

I could also ask what you did when you wanted a man to know something. Did you flat out tell him? Did you drop hints? Or did you believe in that "if he cares about me, he should just know".

Men are very simple to please at any given time. Women are much more complicated. I would like to hear descriptions of what you've seen... as in SPECIFIC ACTIONS or EXCHANGES that lead you to your conclusion.