Okay, My husband had an emotional affair one year ago. We are trying to mend and move past it. (We dated 5 yrs and have been married for 14).
My question is, What is it that men find romantic? I am trying to do new things for him to keep things fresh-new & alive still. I'm not necessarily talking sexual new things here. I mean, for example, us women like the flowers, cards, jewlery, out to dinner and movie etc. I would like to know how to "woo my man" I know sounds a little corny. But I want to please him and make him feel so loved and special. Any ideas?
In return, I'd love for him to want to do the same for me. I hope by my example, he will want to do nice things for me too. Since the whole incident last year, we have been going on a "date night" two to three times a month. He used to buy me cards and flowers on anniversaries and birthdays in the early years of our marriage and even sometimes just because. He just doesn't now. He thinks it's a waste of money. I wish I could make him understand that I wish he would take the time to think of and do things like that for me onec and a while. I have come right out and said I wish he would do those things again for me. But he just don't...
You know, that is a tough question. What one guy might like, another might not. Personally, little things mean a lot to me. I mean, dinner out, for example, that is planned at a place I like. Sitting with me while watching TV. A nice massage... Just anything that means she gave it thought, and is "putting me first." Kinda corny, maybe. But, for me, a husband has lots of responsibilities caring for the family, if he is doing his job. That she takes the time and makes the effort, a sincere effort, means a lot.
I agree with the first responce. Most men think getting flowers are sissy stuff. I love roses. I use to have my own rose garden. I grew the best roses long and a fist across closed. All colors to yelloe, pink, red, and white. So you see all guys are different. Find what he likes and you will have a winner. Back rubs are nice and often lead to cuddling.
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Re: question for the men...
I think planning an event that is of more interest to him than to you is always a gesture of love and caring. Plan an evening at the event and be a bit teasing on how the evening will end. It doesn’t always have to be about sex. One of the things that touched me most from my wife was a complete surprise gift of a photo portrait of our two boys in a frame that matched my office décor. Not large nor expensive but very touching. This was followed by a wonderful evening cuddling on the couch, a fire and a movie. I’m sure there was sex also but it was the picture and cuddling I recall now.
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Does he have any hobbies? Favorite sport teams? What does he like to do.
Give me some of this and I will give you some feed back.
My husband works allot. He goes in early gets off late.---8 a.m- 8 p.m. So when he gets home he's tired. On days off he likes to lay around and watch TV or a rented movie. He likes canoing, camping, hiking, movies, golf, bike riding. (He's not much into the sports i.e. football, basketball etc). He is an outdoors type.
When we go out to dinner, we enjoy a nice bottle of wine. Hope that gives you enough to get the idea...
Make him a nice dinner with wine and or give him a back rub. Buy him his favorite movie he doesn't have yet. Set a date for outdoor stuff or camp in your living room for a weekend.
I agree with the first responce. Most men think getting flowers are sissy stuff. I love roses. I use to have my own rose garden. I grew the best roses long and a fist across closed. All colors to yelloe, pink, red, and white. So you see all guys are different. Find what he likes and you will have a winner. Back rubs are nice and often lead to cuddling.
draconis
welll...
my favorite birthday all time was when i was given a dozen roses and a cooked meal in a park out of the trunk of an old subaru gl, and i think the roses was my favorite part of the gift, so i'm not sure about the flowers=sissy thing...maybe i am!
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In return, I'd love for him to want to do the same for me. I hope by my example, he will want to do nice things for me too.
He may or may not pick up your clues, but either way this really is an unhealthy way to go about it. I think you should work on your motivation for why you are doing these things for him. In all honestly, he probably will not reciprocate and you will feel a lot of resentment. If you want to do something nice for him, do it just for him.
Getting him to meet your needs should be another category.
This is what ive done to try and get my H to do the things i like. First, i focus on what he is doing. I try to say one thing every day that i appreciate and let him know how much it helps me. then, once every so often, i'll bring up something i need from him. I try to do it in a positive way. I try to say "Remember when you did..." And then lastly, I try to be extremely patient and realize he has his own needs, too.
Try is the pivotal word here. this is the goal. so be patient with yourself too.
My husband works allot. He goes in early gets off late.---8 a.m- 8 p.m. So when he gets home he's tired. On days off he likes to lay around and watch TV or a rented movie. He likes canoing, camping, hiking, movies, golf, bike riding. (He's not much into the sports i.e. football, basketball etc). He is an outdoors type.
When we go out to dinner, we enjoy a nice bottle of wine. Hope that gives you enough to get the idea...
So, which of those things do you NOT like to do, or like to do the least. If you plan one of those for him, and he knows you don't care much for it, then it is special for him, and you are putting yourself out for him...
I've been married 27 years, but had an emotional affair that ended about 9 years ago. It lasted about 5 years.
What your husband probably wants is what I wanted...just a kind, loving woman who was interested in ME.
My wife has always been cold and emotionally uninvolved.
After the affair, she made some efforts to change, but now that she feels safe again, I guess, she is back to the same old thing.
On weekend mornings I get up before her...I make coffee and pretty much wait for her to get up while I'm watching TV. I always imagine her waking up, getting her cup of coffee and sitting close to me on the couch. I imagine her kissing me good morning and maybe placing o hand on my leg...anything that shows that she might actually like me.
What usually happens is that she steps outside for her morning smoke, then comes back in and starts straightening up the house, or she says, "did you let the dog out?" or, "I'm gonna have to trim the roses today" or whatever...but her full attention is never devoted to our relationship. She complains that I dont help around the house, but my feeling has always been that if she focuses on our relationship instead of the house, I will then just naturally want to help, instead of her nagging, after she has given me another dose of making me feel less than important in her life.
Like I said, your husband probably wants to feel loved and appreciated, wanted and needed by you. I know thats all that I ever wanted.
Calijoe, You should try a technque with your wife. Make a point every day to spend a solid hour doing things around the house that you know she would appreciate. Do it without asking for acknowledgment. See if after a few weeks she starts turning her head in your direction. Eventually she is likely going to wonder why the change and be interested in why. Don't ever be "well if you did this", just say something like you wanted to let her know you cared and thought she might like a hand. Then maybe you can share with her that you'd love to spend a morning together as you decribed in your earlier post.
Give it 200% effort and be positive, never negative. See what happens.
To me romance is something between you and your spouse that is more emotional than physical.
I think date night is great. And together the two of you can decide what you want to do. But men need help here. Most of the time for men, date night is dinner and maybe a movie.
But why not do something different. Go to a sporting event that you know he enjoys, and have him explain what is going on, such as why the coach made a decision to run such and such play.
Then, I can assure you he will be willing to do something that you really want to do. He might not catch on so quick, but I am sure that you will start to see a change.
As far as "wooing" your man, if you just show him how much you care for him, he will get the message.
question for the men...
