jbird669

Gents,

On my path to manning up, MEM and BBW often discuss boundaries. I was wondering if you might provide examples to see what you mean? I have an idea but I'd like to know if I'm on the same page with you.

bill2011

I can tell you from my experience one of the easiest ones has been respect and the example I often use was suggested by this board is: if you wouldn't let a friend or someone else talk to you or treat you in a disrespectful way, why would you tolerate that from your spouse. I thought respect was earned through my own caring and showing respect; however I since learned that isn't always the case and therefore you need to demand it.

Jellybeans

Amen to that!

Runs like Dog

I wouldn't expect my friend to hold my head over a toilet while I throw up from chemotherapy either. Marriage is where it's raw.

JustAGirl

The right kind of friend would though....
And I would like to think who I'm married it is my friend...

But wth do I know?

*keep moving, nothing to see here*

bill2011

That was my expectation !, Silly me

turnera

Easy boundary example:

"When you raise your voice at me, I shut down because I'm being attacked. Nothing gets accomplished. I'm very willing to DISCUSS the problem so we can find a solution that works for both of us. But if you raise your voice, I will leave the room, because nothing's getting accomplished. If you follow me to another room, I'll leave the house. If you yell at me again when I come BACK, I'll spend the night at a hotel until you're ready to discuss the issue without yelling."

AFEH

Take a look at Boundaries for Men. Lots of books available on the subject as well.

Bob

jbird669

Bob,

Thanks for the link! It's a good place to start.

nader

the N.U.T.S. book is a great read and it's helped me a good deal in establishing boundaries, etc.

One thing I think is important is learning to choose your battles, but to always stand your ground if you are fighting; if your spouse is being unreasonable it is your marital duty to call them out on it, even if it becomes unpleasant for awhile. They will respect you more in the long run. If you 'yes-dear' your wife to death, it will get progressively worse for you.

turnera

Yeah, I always recommend the N.U.T.S. book. I read it, thinking I'd 'help' my husband, lol, but it's really a great book. And so is the program behind it. Go to the website and check it out. Help for Men, Mentor for Men, Men's Groups, Relationship Advice, Life Coach