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Old 06-06-2011, 08:28 PM   #151 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
This is unlike me but how can I get him back?
How can I make him hurt?
How can I make him feel guilty?
How can I make him remorse?
How can I make him cry?
What is my best revenge?
Very Hurt
The answers to your questions are all the same. You become a successful, independent woman who is happy in her own skin.
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Old 06-06-2011, 08:30 PM   #152 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Be everything he was afraid you could be. It was his mission in life to prevent that. Prove to him that he failed.
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Old 06-06-2011, 08:45 PM   #153 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
This is unlike me but how can I get him back?
How can I make him hurt?
How can I make him feel guilty?
How can I make him remorse?
How can I make him cry?
What is my best revenge?
Very Hurt

Want to get him back? NO CONTACT. NO MEDIATION. HIRE THE NASTIEST LAWYER ALIVE. TAKE ALL THE F---er's $$$. IMHO!!
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:51 AM   #154 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

He just wants to have irresponsible. childish FUN!

re: Says that he still cares about me and loves me but he doesn't want the 24/7/52 wife.
>> Isn't the real question WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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Old 06-07-2011, 05:55 AM   #155 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Update:

I got about 4 hours of sleep last night because my mind was flooding with thoughts. A lot of stuff is coming back to me and things are beginning to make sense now. Why he did this. Why he said that. I'm putting the puzzle together and it has come to me that he didn't want a separation back in October, he wanted to get rid of me. The signs are starting to show up now and I was too stupid to see them sooner. If I was counting, he's abandoned me twice: once when he left me at the hospital and again this past October. I just don't understand why he just didn't ask for a divorce years ago instead of torturing me for years. I suppose I will never know.
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Old 06-07-2011, 08:30 AM   #156 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

VH, are you reading the books about abuse yet? They will explain WHY he has done what he's done. WHY he didn't just kick you out. WHY he continues to torture you, and why, now, since he saw a different result he likes better (single like his brother), he dropped you like a lead balloon without so much as a single thought for your well being. It's called abuse for a reason. YOU end up beat up like a rag doll. Mentally if not physically.

Count your blessings that you've found out now, while you still have enough will to pick yourself up. The longer you stay with such a man, the less soul and will you have left, until you become a broken shell of a human. You still have a great life ahead of you WITHOUT such a man. I'm glad for that.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:28 AM   #157 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Originally Posted by turnera View Post
VH, are you reading the books about abuse yet? They will explain WHY he has done what he's done. WHY he didn't just kick you out. WHY he continues to torture you, and why, now, since he saw a different result he likes better (single like his brother), he dropped you like a lead balloon without so much as a single thought for your well being. It's called abuse for a reason. YOU end up beat up like a rag doll. Mentally if not physically.

Count your blessings that you've found out now, while you still have enough will to pick yourself up. The longer you stay with such a man, the less soul and will you have left, until you become a broken shell of a human. You still have a great life ahead of you WITHOUT such a man. I'm glad for that.

Hi Tunera ~

I am waiting delivery of one book Awareness by Anthony and DeMello I ordered the book that you suggested.

Too late to save my soul, it was taken from me a long, long long time ago. I guess it's safe to say, that my heart was injured during the removal of my soul.

I cannot put into words my feelings of confusion and rejection.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:30 AM   #158 (permalink)
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I hope you turn down his request for mediation. He knows he will get his ballz chopped off in court after all the things he has done to you so he's trying to manipulate you into doing mediation.

Mediation is good for some couples...but I feel you will get pushed around too much in mediation with this man.

White Rabbit:
Turnera threatened me if I agree to mediation. I promised her that I would not and I'm sure you know by now that I keep my promises.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:50 AM   #159 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
Too late to save my soul, it was taken from me a long, long long time ago. I guess it's safe to say, that my heart was injured during the removal of my soul.

I cannot put into words my feelings of confusion and rejection.
I call bullchit.

What you are feeling is typical for abuse victims, but it is NOT permanent - not if you do the work on yourself. You're still in there; it's just hiding for protection. Once you're away from him and start feeling safe again, you'll start feeling like looking for it.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:51 AM   #160 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
White Rabbit:
Turnera threatened me if I agree to mediation. I promised her that I would not and I'm sure you know by now that I keep my promises.
VH, just checking...

Was this said tongue in cheek?
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Old 06-07-2011, 10:54 AM   #161 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
What do you mean that I don't "know what he wants?"
He wants what he wants, how he wants it, when it wants it.

That's plain to see from how he strung you along and kept you on a string, feeding you BS lines until he was good and ready to cut you off. Him wanting out right now was also probably calculated. See, he didn't let you go until he was ready to do it. HE wants you to agree to HIS housing option scenarios. HE wants you to agree to HIS idea of mediation.

Do you see the pattern?

For the love of God, do not use a mediator. Get your own attorney to protect YOUR interests and what you are legally entitled too. Read Lonely's thread. Her husband also wanted her to use mediation. What a joke.

Stop wondering how you can get him back. He doesn't want you. Face that reality. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. Never pine for someone who doesn't want to be with you, who has treated you so coldly in the past, used you, abused you, played you, and then rejected you and threw you away when he was done w/ you and then offered you little scraps like a dog.

Don't talk to him anymore. There is nothing else to discuss.
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Old 06-07-2011, 12:01 PM   #162 (permalink)
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Dear 24/7/52 Wife,

Not long after our 10 year anniversary, I went through something similar with my wife and here's what I ended up doing.
I "mentally divorced" my wife (won't go into why), stopped talking to her at home, and for about two weeks completely avoided any normal routines or interactions with her (this coincided with our daughter being away at grandmas for a few weeks). BUT, I was inviting her on dates, and pretending I knew nothing about her except that she's having trouble at home and needs to talk to someone about it- and that was me. I was essentially "acting" the role of potential lover, getting to know her, listening to her, telling her some of my own problems and issues (she also listened better than ever), and you know what? The mind is so powerful, that when you pretend for any length of time, it accepts it, however partially, as reality- and I can not describe to you what an affair we had! It LITERALLY felt like we discovered each other for the first time. Worth noting, we waited several dates before even holding hands. We found so much to talk about, and we talked about each others pasts and problems without any problem- we were each others' "neutral third party".
The famous Russian playwright/novelist said "give me a wife who, like the moon, will not appear every day in my sky". I do not quote that to justify your husband, but to remind us that "there is nothing new under the sun"- patience and understanding is key. Understand that his struggles and frustrations are real, and if you show him love and understanding, they will subside. The things he did with his secretary are a mess- but I can guarantee you that his actions can be traced to a sense of brokenness, failure, and worthlessness, (pick up the book "The Broken American Male"- it is chock-full of such stories as your husband's). Don't make any rash decisions- really think of what's at stake- if you have been together as long as you have, you are a lot more "one" that you can imagine, and surviving these rough winds and storms will make it worthwhile when you are in your 70's.
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Old 06-07-2011, 12:53 PM   #163 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Don't make any rash decisions- really think of what's at stake- if you have been together as long as you have, you are a lot more "one" that you can imagine, and surviving these rough winds and storms will make it worthwhile when you are in your 70's.
Um, have you read any of Very's posts and followed the story? Cause what you're saying don't flow with what's going on here.
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:17 PM   #164 (permalink)
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Yeah, TOTALLY inappropriate in a situation with an abusive spouse.

But your logic is sound in most situation.
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:33 PM   #165 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Did Mr manipulative stbx try to contact you today?
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