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Old 06-07-2011, 02:33 PM   #166 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Update:
I just returned from my session with the Psychologist.

She agrees that he has some "mental issues" such as lack of empathy. She also feels that he has been "very cruel" to me but falls short of saying "abuser."

I told her that I feel abandoned and rejected. That I accepted blame and faults because I didn't want to lose him.

She does think it's interseting (I can't recall her exact word) that my husband's brother is divorcing his wife after 33 years.
(His younger sister is also divorced.) That's 3 out of 3.

She seems to think that they may have relationship difficulties. Of course, she is not going to say anything for ceratin since she has never spoken to his siblings.

One interesting note: I spoke to my sister-in-law (his brother's wife) last evening and she told me that she came to the conclusion that she was in an "abusive" marriage. I didn't say a word back to her and just listened.

He has not contacted me today but I did sent him an E-mail asking him for money.

Very Hurt
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:53 PM   #167 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes View Post
Just some observations of knowing men through my life. Most men have a protection gene in them. Be it for their parents, their best friend, their sibling or their significant other. It's the classic "I can talk smack about them but don't you dare do it". The gloves come off when that happens. That protective gene goes in to over drive when it comes to women. It's just something that is in them. A man can see a woman crying and nearly all would stop and ask if she needs help. A woman stranded on the side of the road with a flat is met with a man, a total stranger who is willing to help.
Now, what happens when these men find that special woman whom he marries? That protective gene goes in to hyper drive when it comes to the woman he loves. She is his wife and his desire to protect her is at a barbarian level. It can be simple things like making sure all her tires are properly inflated to holding her when she is sad after a tough day at work, to beating the hell out of someone who hurt his wife. That desire to protect the woman they love is always there, throughout conflict and pain, it's there. Even if the marriage doesn't work out, they still have that need to protect her for various reasons. Perhaps she is the mother of his children or maybe she is having health issues. It's still there.
Take a look at the guys who post here. There is a guy named Athol whose wife had breast cancer. He is a published author and in his book he talked about the scars on her chest and the scars on his heart out of not being able to help her. A Moderator here, Deejo, not yet divorced from his wife who to this day would rush to her side if she was in trouble. A pharmacist named Conrad who has been divorced from his first wife for years, remarried and he posted that even now he would help her out any way he could. A guy named Michzz who despite being cheated on for 8 years by his wife would still be by her side if something were to happen to her. A man named Scannerguard who after going through a bitter divorce posted that if something were to ever happen to his ex, he would break down. A guy named Nice777guy whose wife is having a MLC, left to go to a biker rally without him and his concern was her safety.
Not one of these men would ever leave their wife in a hospital bed, alone and scared. They would crawl on their hands and knees to get to her. They would be figuratively peeing on the furniture to ward off the enemy. Every single one of them would be by her side, holding her hand. Even the divorced ones. Their ability to feel empathy, love and genuine concern is what sets them apart from sociopaths.
WOW! Great post! This brought a tear to my eye. Especially the last part about the hospital bed.

Mu ex must of been a sociopath. I won't go into it, but he was never there in any way shape or form. And when he was it was only to make the situation worse.

That's okay though.

I am very happily remarried, and this man is awesome. We have had one hospital trip and he was with me every step of the way.
He says and shows me every day how much he loves and cares about me. He has even told me he would gladly take a bullet for me if need be. (I hope he never needs to!! )

Very hurt,

I am so sorry your hubby turned out to be such a toad. *BIG HUGS*
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Old 06-07-2011, 03:04 PM   #168 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Anyone watching The Bachelorette? There's a guy on there, I'm sure he's a plant, but his behavior is certainly similar to what's going on here. TOTAL, UTTER manipulation and ALL about him. 'I'm not into her, but I'm not gonna pass up a chance at a feel.' Stuff like that. Yes, there really are men out there like that.
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Old 06-07-2011, 03:05 PM   #169 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
This is unlike me but how can I get him back?
How can I make him hurt?
How can I make him feel guilty?
How can I make him remorse?
How can I make him cry?
What is my best revenge?
Very Hurt
The best revenge is to live WELL. The best thing to do is to pay him no attention. He is not worth your time sweetie!!
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Old 06-07-2011, 03:46 PM   #170 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

VH

Sorry to hear about your pain and what you are going thru. Just a question, it may have already been answered but why is the brother leaving his wife after 33 years, affair or did she end it because of the abusive relationship?

I know the feeling trying to make sense out of why and what went wrong.

Hopefully financially you will be ok - has he frozen the bank accounts?
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:27 PM   #171 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

This is what my husband's brother's wife told me:

He (my husband's brother) wants out of his marriage too.
She wife does not.
They have done a lot of IC and MC. Went on Retreats too.
She tried everything.
He just went along for the ride.
She said that he treats her miserably.
He apparently has a whole new group of single or divorced friends.
He is 55 years old.
He said that he has "no emotional feelings" for her.
He doesn't love her. Stopped loving her 3 years ago.
Not satisfied with their sex life.
He justifies himself to the therapist.
He is cold to her.
Has a temper.
No empathy.
Selfish.
He feels "nothing" towards me.
Says nasty things to me.
His brother has been retired for 5 years. Since then he's been traveling, skiing and golfing.
He moved out in January.

THIS PART SHE DOES NOT KNOW:
He has a girlfriend.
She is 60 years old.
She gives him attention.
She holds his hand if they are out to dinner in a restaurant. They have kinky sex.
She likes to go to Jazz Clubs.
They have a lot in common.

MY HUSBAND
Selfish
Has always been jealous of his brother.
No empathy.
Cold.
Cruel.
Says nasty things to me.

I am sure that these two brothers are looking forward to their Batchelor Brother Days: traveling, sailing etc...
Dumped their wives of 33 and 28 years.

No remorse.
No guilt.
Both controlling.
Both cheated on their wives.
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:47 PM   #172 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

How does she not know about the other woman? Why doesn't someone tell her?

I'm leaving a 31 year marriage so I definetely know how hard it is, my H is not near as cruel as yours but is a serial cheater which not sure if that is worse or not.

So far he is trying to finally figure himself out after 54 years. Still waiting to see what that outcome brings.

I am so deeply sorry for your pain. I know it only too well.
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:55 PM   #173 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
This is unlike me but how can I get him back?
How can I make him hurt?
How can I make him feel guilty?
How can I make him remorse?
How can I make him cry?
What is my best revenge?
Very Hurt
Create distance and don't let him control you anymore.

For a lot of sick people, ANY attention is good attention.

Ignore him and let your lawyer deal with him directly.
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Old 06-07-2011, 06:01 PM   #174 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Originally Posted by Clinging View Post
How does she not know about the other woman? Why doesn't someone tell her?

I'm leaving a 31 year marriage so I definetely know how hard it is, my H is not near as cruel as yours but is a serial cheater which not sure if that is worse or not.

So far he is trying to finally figure himself out after 54 years. Still waiting to see what that outcome brings.

I am so deeply sorry for your pain. I know it only too well.
Clinging ~
She is clueless. I think maybe it's because they live in CT, the girlfriend lives in PA and we live in NJ. He tells her that he is visiting us for the weekend when he is actually driving past our home on the way to PA.
Nice set up, huh?
Why do you think someone should tell her? I would not want to hurt her. What's the point? Would it help her divorce case? Like me, she is in the beginning of the divorce process.
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Old 06-07-2011, 06:11 PM   #175 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Best revenge is to take his money.

Find all of it and take your share.
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Old 06-07-2011, 06:13 PM   #176 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

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Best revenge is to take his money.

Find all of it and take your share.

I have a feeling he has hidden some but I know about the Forensic Accountant thanks to my TAM friends.
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Old 06-07-2011, 06:26 PM   #177 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

Revenge is a very specialized emotion. Most people aren't built for it. It's toxic. The best thing you can do is flower into the greatest woman and greatest person you can love.
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Old 06-07-2011, 06:44 PM   #178 (permalink)
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Revenge is a very specialized emotion. Most people aren't built for it. It's toxic. The best thing you can do is flower into the greatest woman and greatest person you can love.

Hi Runs :
I think my husband is capable of revenge. He is very vindictive.
Let's hope he behaves because I am not a fighter.
VH
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Old 06-07-2011, 07:40 PM   #179 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me?

My hands are quivering, just like they did when I read about another poster's marriage ending.

1. Please do not talk to your ex. You do not need to be bullied again or insulted.

2. Make sure that you have the best lawyer you can afford.

3. Allow yourself to cry.

4. Start practicing yoga. It is good for your body and better for your soul.

5. Keep going to the therapist. Weekly sessions are good if it is possible. I am frightened by the suicide talk.

6. Try some St. John's Wort.

7. Go get a massage, a manicure or a hair cut.

8.Spend time with your ex brother in law's wife. You and she can bond over the shared sadness.

7. As pure catharsis, burn one of your wedding pictures.

8. Read books about divorce, as well as books on self esteem.

9. If you are religious, pray or go to church.

10. Keep posting here as often as you need to.

11.Reach out to your son. Allow him to express his feelings and comfort each other.
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Old 06-07-2011, 07:47 PM   #180 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Mrs.G View Post
My hands are quivering, just like they did when I read about another poster's marriage ending.

1. Please do not talk to your ex. You do not need to be bullied again or insulted.

2. Make sure that you have the best lawyer you can afford.

3. Allow yourself to cry.

4. Start practicing yoga. It is good for your body and better for your soul.

5. Keep going to the therapist. Weekly sessions are good if it is possible. I am frightened by the suicide talk.

6. Try some St. John's Wort.

7. Go get a massage, a manicure or a hair cut.

8.Spend time with your ex brother in law's wife. You and she can bond over the shared sadness.

7. As pure catharsis, burn one of your wedding pictures.

8. Read books about divorce, as well as books on self esteem.

9. If you are religious, pray or go to church.

10. Keep posting here as often as you need to.

11.Reach out to your son. Allow him to express his feelings and comfort each other.
Thank you Mrs. G.......you are most kind.
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