I am having a very anxious evening. Crying. Thinking about something that I have not said before in my posts that is causing me great pain and confusion:
In June of 2009, I had a very long surgery on my left leg.
I spent 3 nights in the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC.
My husband never came to see me.
The day the ambulance took me from NYC to Rehab in NJ, he did not accompany me.
After I arrived in NJ, he did not come to help me settled into my room.
I was in severe pain and exhausted.
I spent 12 days in Rehab where he can to see me 5 times.
During one of these 5 visits, he told me that he "didn't think that he wanted to be married to me anymore." At this point, he was with his sec'y but I did not know.
I also found out later, that she was at my home while I was in NYC and Rehab with her two teenage daughter's swimming in the pool, having BBQ's and I suppose sleeping over.
While I was in Rehab, I also found out that he saw an Attorney.
On June 26, 2009, I was discharged from Rehab after countless hours of painful physical therapy and 5 blood transfusions. My leg surgery was very extensive and I bled a lot.
So, we get home. I am thrilled to see my two very loyal sweet gentle female Golden Retrievers, Molly and Sandy.
My husband goes to the food store and picks up a few items.
He then goes to the Pharmacy to get my pain meds.
He goes to our closet and packs his suitcases and moves into a cottage on a local estate.
I am hysterical crying. He tells be about his sec'y. I beggging him not to go. He leaves.
He left me in pain, hungry, weak as a kitten, unable to walk and in the care of two dogs.
I felt destryoyed.
The next day he calls to see how I am doing.
The following day he stops by to clean the pool.
He is working everyday with the sec'y. She is going to the cottage.
This goes on for 6-8 weeks.
He then says he misses me and wants to move back home.
I did not know at the time that he did not give up the cottage.
He is home for about 3 weeks and then goes on a sailing trip for a month to Greece. During his time at home, he was not himself. He was distant.
I bring him to the airport and he kisses me good-bye.
He barely keeps in contact with me but I later discover that he Texted and E-mailed over 500 times to the sec'y.
I also later found out that he had no intentions of returning to me when he returned from Greece.
He was returning to the cottage. I had no idea.
So, I pick him up at the airport. Durning that time, I lost 20 pounds and had a total make over, including cutting my long brown mid-back hair very short.
He was shocked when he got in the car.
We get home and he tells me that he is returning to the cottage but "I know that I will not be away that long this time."
He lives there for another month but comes back home almost every day.
He later told me that when he came back home in August he knew that he "came home too soon."
In the meantime he is trying to cool things down with the sec'y but she is not giving up. She tells him that you promised me that you were going to leave your wife.
You promised me that id things did not work out with us, you would not fire me.
This crap continues until November when I actually see a lot of E-mails between them and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I thought that he was done with her.
I confront him and tell him that he has to get rid of her.
He refuses.
He can't.
He doesn't want to hurt her.
She's a good worker.
I told her that it was over between the two of us.
We are just friends.
She is going through a divorce and needs her job.
There is nothing between us.
By December, I was emotionally shot.
So, we go to see a friend of his Dad's that is a Psyhchiatrist.
We tell him the entire story.
He looks at my husband and says to him, "Can't you see the pain in your wife's face that she is still working with you?"
This was at the end of December of 2009.
Then the Psych asks me, "When do you want her gone?"
I said in "two weeks."
He then said to me, "If your husband does not fire her two weeks, I want you to go to an Attorney and file for divorce."
Less than two weeks later, he fires her. She is livid and will not sign the letter from our Business Attorney.
She contacts an Attorney and blackmails my husband. She said that "she has over 500 E-mails that are very harmful and embarassing to his customers, his wife and his son."
She gets 30K.
My husband blames me. If only I could have just let her continue to work there. Why couldn't I just believe that they were just friends? Why didn't I trust him? Besides even if he "fired her he could still see her."
The End........for now.........I'm drained.............Very Hurt
Those who say taking him to the cleaners is vindictive or whatever bull$hit they want to spin on it, forget it. Like you are supposed to "play nice and fair" as one now banned poster suggested. Left you in a hospital suffering and rehabilitation by yourself while he is screwing his wh@re in your house, brought her own children to your home so they could see what they would be moving in to, colluded with this skank to get rid of you, stole money from your marital assets to pay her off at your insistence and then blamed you for his having to get rid of this gold digging urchin? If this man was wearing gasoline soaked underwear and standing over a match, I wouldn't piss on him to put it out.
In the words of Ivana Trump, "Don't get mad.....get everything".
Your husband has not been committed to this marriage. You have allowed him to use you while he lives the single life, with a patient wife at home. Your husband is such a lucky man-he gets to have his cake and eat it too!
Why are you allowing this? He wants to divorce you, but "date" you? No, he is envious of his brother's freedom and wants to join the party.
I think that you are well aware that he does not really love you or want to be married. Any man who sleeps around, while his wife is sick is just reprehensible.
As I advised in your other thread, look after yourself and stop being a doormat. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
It no longer matters what he wants, it matters how you are going to live the rest of your life.
Turnera, for once I am going to disagree with you. He didn't waste any of her time. He used it selfishly and continuously. VH wasted her own time sitting waiting and hoping things would get better.
As for the rest of your insight, yep SPOT ON as per usual.
Good point. We're all resonsible for our own life.
I am having a very anxious evening. Crying. Thinking about something that I have not said before in my posts that is causing me great pain and confusion:
In June of 2009, I had a very long surgery on my left leg.
I spent 3 nights in the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC.
My husband never came to see me.
The day the ambulance took me from NYC to Rehab in NJ, he did not accompany me.
After I arrived in NJ, he did not come to help me settled into my room.
I was in severe pain and exhausted.
I spent 12 days in Rehab where he can to see me 5 times.
During one of these 5 visits, he told me that he "didn't think that he wanted to be married to me anymore." At this point, he was with his sec'y but I did not know.
I also found out later, that she was at my home while I was in NYC and Rehab with her two teenage daughter's swimming in the pool, having BBQ's and I suppose sleeping over.
While I was in Rehab, I also found out that he saw an Attorney.
On June 26, 2009, I was discharged from Rehab after countless hours of painful physical therapy and 5 blood transfusions. My leg surgery was very extensive and I bled a lot.
So, we get home. I am thrilled to see my two very loyal sweet gentle female Golden Retrievers, Molly and Sandy.
My husband goes to the food store and picks up a few items.
He then goes to the Pharmacy to get my pain meds.
He goes to our closet and packs his suitcases and moves into a cottage on a local estate.
I am hysterical crying. He tells be about his sec'y. I beggging him not to go. He leaves.
He left me in pain, hungry, weak as a kitten, unable to walk and in the care of two dogs.
I felt destryoyed.
The next day he calls to see how I am doing.
The following day he stops by to clean the pool.
He is working everyday with the sec'y. She is going to the cottage.
This goes on for 6-8 weeks.
He then says he misses me and wants to move back home.
I did not know at the time that he did not give up the cottage.
He is home for about 3 weeks and then goes on a sailing trip for a month to Greece. During his time at home, he was not himself. He was distant.
I bring him to the airport and he kisses me good-bye.
He barely keeps in contact with me but I later discover that he Texted and E-mailed over 500 times to the sec'y.
I also later found out that he had no intentions of returning to me when he returned from Greece.
He was returning to the cottage. I had no idea.
So, I pick him up at the airport. Durning that time, I lost 20 pounds and had a total make over, including cutting my long brown mid-back hair very short.
He was shocked when he got in the car.
We get home and he tells me that he is returning to the cottage but "I know that I will not be away that long this time."
He lives there for another month but comes back home almost every day.
He later told me that when he came back home in August he knew that he "came home too soon."
In the meantime he is trying to cool things down with the sec'y but she is not giving up. She tells him that you promised me that you were going to leave your wife.
You promised me that id things did not work out with us, you would not fire me.
This crap continues until November when I actually see a lot of E-mails between them and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I thought that he was done with her.
I confront him and tell him that he has to get rid of her.
He refuses.
He can't.
He doesn't want to hurt her.
She's a good worker.
I told her that it was over between the two of us.
We are just friends.
She is going through a divorce and needs her job.
There is nothing between us.
By December, I was emotionally shot.
So, we go to see a friend of his Dad's that is a Psyhchiatrist.
We tell him the entire story.
He looks at my husband and says to him, "Can't you see the pain in your wife's face that she is still working with you?"
This was at the end of December of 2009.
Then the Psych asks me, "When do you want her gone?"
I said in "two weeks."
He then said to me, "If your husband does not fire her two weeks, I want you to go to an Attorney and file for divorce."
Less than two weeks later, he fires her. She is livid and will not sign the letter from our Business Attorney.
She contacts an Attorney and blackmails my husband. She said that "she has over 500 E-mails that are very harmful and embarassing to his customers, his wife and his son."
She gets 30K.
My husband blames me. If only I could have just let her continue to work there. Why couldn't I just believe that they were just friends? Why didn't I trust him? Besides even if he "fired her he could still see her."
The End........for now.........I'm drained.............Very Hurt
VH your H has extensively abused you. It is not your fault, if he’d been married to someone else he’d have done the same things to her as he’s done to you. So in a strange way it’s not “personal” although it really does feel that way to you. But if you look at these things in the same way I look at them then it will prevent you from becoming a “victim”.
The only person you can work on is yourself. It seems to me that you have only just become aware of just how much your H has abused you. And you got that understanding from the women here who told you you’ve been abused. They opened your eyes. Sometimes that’s the way it goes, we need others to wake us up. I think you have a way to go as yet with this “awareness” and highly recommend the book “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello to you.
It is not your fault, if he’d been married to someone else he’d have done the same things to her as he’s done to you.
What makes you think this?
So in a strange way it’s not “personal” although it really does feel that way to you. But if you look at these things in the same way I look at them then it will prevent you from becoming a “victim”.
The only person you can work on is yourself. It seems to me that you have only just become aware of just how much your H has abused you. And you got that understanding from the women here who told you you’ve been abused. They opened your eyes.
They DID open my eyes. Sometimes that’s the way it goes, we need others to wake us up. I think you have a way to go as yet with this “awareness” and highly recommend the book “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello to you.
Your husband has not been committed to this marriage. You have allowed him to use you while he lives the single life, with a patient wife at home. Your husband is such a lucky man-he gets to have his cake and eat it too!
Why are you allowing this? He wants to divorce you, but "date" you? No,
he is envious of his brother's freedom and wants to join the party. Mrs. G: Other people have mentioned this also about his brother. But isn't it just an excuse?
I think that you are well aware that he does not really love you or want to be married. Any man who sleeps around, while his wife is sick is just reprehensible.
As I advised in your other thread, look after yourself and stop being a doormat. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
It no longer matters what he wants, it matters how you are going to live the rest of your life.
My Attorney said to me, "You will know when you are ready. Just sign it, mail it to me with a check and we will send your husband a letter."
So, this morning I did just that.
Just got bacl from the post office.
Crying and shaking.
I will need you guys more than ever now.
Love ~
Very Very Hurt and now Scared
Stay strong and look towards the future. A future without somebody who doesn't have your best interest at heart. If anybody should be scared, it should be him. You hold all the cards and you filed first. Talk about a royal flush.
We agreed to NC until June 19.
He E-mailed me today.
He's call four times.
I ignored it all.
Tunera, if he doesn't want me and doesn't love me, why would he care about anything I do?
Abusive means what he's starting to do. YOU are pulling away from him and he doesn't like it. He's going to NOT like it even more when he finds out you filed. HE has to be in control. You're messing that up for him. He's going to use whatever used to work for him, to get you back to where he had control.
There are many ways to abuse someone without ever touching them. I think that you are in denial or perhaps you simply are unaware of emotional and verbal abuse.
There are many ways to abuse someone without ever touching them. I think that you are in denial or perhaps you simply are unaware of emotional and verbal abuse.
I think it's a little of both: denial and stupidity.
Re: Men: Will you please translate this for me? 
