Just had this conversation last night.
A good friend tells me his wife was cheating for a couple years. The guy's a police officer, and was devastated by the news. It took him a year, and during that time, he described "almost pulling the trigger"...If you know what I mean.
He lost his home, and sees his children on weekends.
Anyway, another year later, he met a beautiful woman. She loves him dearly, treats him with respect, and he adores her.
She owns a beautiful home, and they now live together.
His kids see him regularly, and he's as happy as a pig in mud.
To be honest, for me, even in a great marriage - you could always find someone that does it better.
Even if your marriage is great, or if it has problems or is downright bad, there are good and bad qualities in that person we love that may or may not exist in someone else.
Using my two marriages as an example.
My ex-husband liked to listen to me and never tired of hearing me talk.
My current husband can only take so much and then gets agitated.
My ex-husband was very family oriented - liked to spend time with kids, etc.
My current husband is less family oriented.
My ex-husband sucked in bed.
My current husband is great in bed.
My ex-husband couldn't even hammer a nail in the wall straight.
My current husband is a Mr. Fix-It and there's nothing he can't do or figure out how to do.
Maybe the word should be different versus better. Different, when it meets our expectations or needs is always better.
For the people that are Hopeless Romantics, I think it is harder on them to live a single life. Something deep within them cries out to be with another, they want to share all their hopes, their dreams, they love to give (but also to receive), to have someone to hold onto at night & wake up to in the mornings.
I don't feel this makes someone weak. We all want what we want in life. We all know the desires of our hearts, don't we- if we are honest with ourselves. When I could not conceive, I was the most unsettled woman on the face of the planet, my whole being cried out for more children. Had I not went out of my way to pursue my dream of being a mother, test after test after test -even getting a laparoscopy (surgery) to see why I couldn't conceive after my 1st child, I may not have my last 5. I would probably still be unsettled today. (just my own little analogy). Nothing wrong with pursuing what you want, if that is looking for another woman - if/when you decide it is "done" in your marraige.
But so true, NEVER jump too quickly, too many rebound love affairs that could rip your heart out. Make sure the next time around -DATE MANY , take your sweet time !! Don't ever settle for less than you dream of, what you know you need to be fullfilled. But of coarse, use reason here, you are no young spring chicken anymore (as my Grandmother use to term the young).
Do not let FEAR of not finding someone stop you -LIfe is truly a RISK in everything we choose to set our heart and our feet too. Isn't it !? Love is the biggest risk of all. If it has been lost or gone at home for years of striving, desperation & pain, it is surely a risk worth taking on someone else, isn't it?
Never let go of your dreams. We only get one life -that we can "prove" anyway.
It often appears when we have "given up" or at the times we least expect an answer, it comes too. When I could not conceive after 6 long dragging years, I was scheduled for invitro (would have cost alot of $$), I was supposed to call the Gyno when I got my monthy, it never came ! I was gloriously pregnant ! Talk about the last minute. And all fell ionto place but had I not pursued relentlessly what I wanted, where would I be today .
Continue the faith. MIke, you will know when enough is enough, I know you recently bought Athol's book for one last shot at this , to revive your wife . If the single life is looking more & more inviting, you have had enough of the rejection and pain, chances are this is where you will find your freedom and NEW wings to soar.
My response is that I just think people who say those things are daft and have one heck of a lot to learn about people and life!
Thank you because I love your response and mine is similar but what I worry about is that other women will read it and take it to heart and feel badly or as if it is true. That's all. I think men need to speak up and say it's not so that women can feel confident going forward after divorce as well.
For the people that are Hopeless Romantics, I think it is harder on them to live a single life. Something deep within them cries out to be with another, they want to share all their hopes, their dreams, they love to give (but also to receive), to have someone to hold onto at night & wake up to in the mornings.
I don't feel this makes someone weak. We all want what we want in life. We all know the desires of our hearts, don't we- if we are honest with ourselves. When I could not conceive, I was the most unsettled woman on the face of the planet, my whole being cried out for more children. Had I not went out of my way to pursue my dream of being a mother, test after test after test -even getting a laparoscopy (surgery) to see why I couldn't conceive after my 1st child, I may not have my last 5. I would probably still be unsettled today. (just my own little analogy). Nothing wrong with pursuing what you want, if that is looking for another woman - if/when you decide it is "done" in your marraige.
But so true, NEVER jump too quickly, too many rebound love affairs that could rip your heart out. Make sure the next time around -DATE MANY , take your sweet time !! Don't ever settle for less than you dream of, what you know you need to be fullfilled. But of coarse, use reason here, you are no young spring chicken anymore (as my Grandmother use to term the young).
Do not let FEAR of not finding someone stop you -LIfe is truly a RISK in everything we choose to set our heart and our feet too. Isn't it !? Love is the biggest risk of all. If it has been lost or gone at home for years of striving, desperation & pain, it is surely a risk worth taking on someone else, isn't it?
Never let go of your dreams. We only get one life -that we can "prove" anyway.
It often appears when we have "given up" or at the times we least expect an answer, it comes too. When I could not conceive after 6 long dragging years, I was scheduled for invitro (would have cost alot of $$), I was supposed to call the Gyno when I got my monthy, it never came ! I was gloriously pregnant ! Talk about the last minute. And all fell ionto place but had I not pursued relentlessly what I wanted, where would I be today .
Continue the faith. MIke, you will know when enough is enough, I know you recently bought Athol's book for one last shot at this , to revive your wife . If the single life is looking more & more inviting, you have had enough of the rejection and pain, chances are this is where you will find your freedom and NEW wings to soar.
The most beautiful women I have ever met have all been over 35 and up. I don't think any of them would have a hard time finding someone in thier lives. Posted via Mobile Device
To the original poster, if you could write down every way in which your relationship with your significant could be ideal, then do it. Write it all down. How you would want her to act, talk, look like, laugh like. What kind of morals and values you'd want her to have. I mean everything! If she meets the majority of the qualities you're looking for then stay. Work it out. Talk about it. It's worth saving. If you find she is just so vastly different then what you want in a partner, then talk it out, try and work it out, it might still be worth saving. Nobody will completely make you happy. Even the ones that say they are totally in love still have some things about their spouse they may not like. Does your partner cheat on you? Lie to you? Treat you with contempt? Even if she did, maybe there's a reason why. Maybe she's not happy too. Did you ever hear the Jimmy Buffet song "pina colada'? That song is what it's all about. You think your wife is not a perfect fit until you realize she is. The grass is never greener on the other side unless you realize why your grass isn't as green. Maybe you just need some fertilizer...or pina coladas Good Luck!
Thank you because I love your response and mine is similar but what I worry about is that other women will read it and take it to heart and feel badly or as if it is true. That's all. I think men need to speak up and say it's not so that women can feel confident going forward after divorce as well.
i hope someone wouldn't be so influenced by forum chat as to think their life is over after divorce, people of any age can and usually do find someone and are often much happier. ive seen both my siblings (bro and sis) have it happen as well as my best friend. Absurd to think a woman of any age cant have someone attracted to them.
i hope someone wouldn't be so influenced by forum chat as to think their life is over after divorce, people of any age can and usually do find someone and are often much happier. ive seen both my siblings (bro and sis) have it happen as well as my best friend. Absurd to think a woman of any age cant have someone attracted to them.
I totally agree. I know women in their mid 50's who found love. True love.
The way it gets talked about 'round these parts is that we should start sewing our habits and get ready to ship off next year.
I totally agree. I know women in their mid 50's who found love. True love.
The way it gets talked about 'round these parts is that we should start sewing our habits and get ready to ship off next year.
That was precisely my point and it's unfair and if most men in the forums don't believe it speaking up on behalf of women is considered very endearing and attractive.
1Likes
Re: Any men who have found someone better? 
Good Luck!
