Hey guys, I've been married for about 6 years I'm 31 years old and two weeks ago my wife came home saying she wanted to seperate for a while to find "ourselves".
Many of us have heard that line. Usually combined with ILYBNILWY.
She's currently in medical school and started about 6 months ago. I think that played a huge factor in where we are now.
I agree. And the reason I agree has nothing to do with her bettering herself or gaining an education. It's about the time away from you, new dynamic, and her new surroundings increasing her curiosity and her entertaining the thought that the grass might be greener.
She says she doesn't know who she is right now or what she wants.
Believe her. This is likely very true. We refer to it here as the fog. And there is usually another word in front of "fog", but not always.
But knows that the way things have been going with our marriage is taking a huge toll on her. We both haven't been very happy for a couple years sort of up and down with our marriage.
That is natural. Rarely is a LTR smooth sailing. Waves and storms can be and are weathered by many daily - if faced head on as a team. Currently she is NOT committed to the team and has told you so. Especially during stormy times, it's work together or sink.
I want to get help and take small steps to try and fix this but she isn't ready yet.
No, she isn't, and has been honest about that. Believe her. At the moment, there is very little YOU can do for the relationship. So instead, you need to focus on YOU. 180.
I'm really struggling to keep my daily routine day after day without her.
Of course you are, and that BLOWS! I know. So THAT is where you need to focus. Your day to day, your routine - specifically without her. Practice. Throw new things in to mix it up. Work on a hobby. Go to the gym. Time with the guys. Things that are about you and not her.
And no there isn't any cheating going or anything else major like that
You knew that possibility would be pointed out. Why? Because it IS the case more often than we'd like to see or admit. Nobody here can tell you for sure that there IS cheating going on. Likewise, unless you have truly investigated that possibility (and it is possible) you can't tell us, and more importantly yourself, that it is not.
One last thing - YES, something major most definitely is going on.
Your wife is not just contemplating life without you, but considering it.
That is huge. Cheating or none.
Tips - accept that fact.
Accept that her level of involvement is up to her.
Accept that any pressure from you will backfire.
Let yourself feel this pain, but don't mope.
Investigate (trust but verify).
If you do find anything, don't disclose that yet.
Work on yourself, for yourself.