I see often on these forums this statement "I deserve to be happy", or "you deserve to be happy."
I admit at first, I simply assumed this was polite small talk.
But now I am thinking, is there really and truly some serious conviction behind this statement?
Myself, I was raised to pursue my own happiness, that my decisions influenced the life I would eventually build for myself.
ANd I still hear this from my father even when I speak with him to this day, "priorities". That most important was setting my priorities and keeping these priorities in focus, as I work to protect and manage them.
I can honestly say I have no memory of my parents or anyone else in authority instructing me that I "deserved to be happy".
So, the concept of deserving or entitled to happiness, honestly I view it as something maybe as a child emotion, but not a healthy or mature or productive outlook on life.
So men, is this something you notice as well, or this teaching is something that is popular with our modern times and should be understood and put into context.
Also, how to address constructively in these forums, the feeling that someone "deserves to be happy" with the reality that our happiness is a chemical emotion in our brains often tied to our perception of ourselves in relation to our peers, and as such is often in flux. As well, that where we are in such a way is often the consequence, maybe some of chance or luck, but without doubt much to do with our own decisions, actions, and "priorities".
So men, do we "deserve to be happy"? Do our women? If so, what does this mean? If not, how do we relate to such sentiment?
I believe happiness "may" result from a diligent focus on organizing and executing around priorities.
I can state that I am happier today than I have been in a long long time.
My children look up to me. They are kind hearted adults. This is a result of parental influence and lots of blood, sweat, tears, and money.
There have been moments and stretches when I thought I was "Happier" than currently? Yet, those proved illusory as they were more a result of momentary passion and hope for the future than actual contentment.
To be happy, one must be comfortable in their own skin - and confident in themselves.
This has nothing... zero - zip - to do with our partner/spouse.
We may use wise discernment of an appropriate partner/spouse as a RESULT of organizing and executing with proper priorities.
Many want to put that cart in front of that horse.
I think happiness between men and women is intertwined.
Very often women think that their men should bring them happiness and make their life comfortable, well, your men might be able to make your life comfortable, but they can't bring you happiness, you yourself have to find the word!
Same thing with men, men think that their happiness is being controlled by their women, I don't think so!
You find the word happiness first, then your happiness brings others happiness.
But how can a person be happy?
People usually think power, wealth, women and men can bring them happiness, no wisdom teaches that.
Why are children happy most of the times, because they don't think too much, they forget easily. They forgive easily, they don't dwell on the hurt, they don't strive for power, they don't have sexual desire, ..............................
As we grow up, all these come into shape, we start comparing, we start to store resentment, we spend time worrying, we expect others to give us this and that, we forget to think about others,................................... we start to bring us misery and unhappiness.
I think as long as we are human, we all have problems, in this area, we are all equal, we have similar mind and weakness. Rich people are struggling with their problems, politicians are struggling with their problems, CEOs are struggling with their problems, employees are struggling with their problems, poor people are struggling with their problems, men and women are all having different problems they struggle with. We are equal, nobody is away from problems. We are all battling with greed, jealous, desire.................................
If we are able to let go of these, then we feel we are relieved, we are on the way to happiness.
Happiness does have to come from within oneself for sure. There seems to be an entitlement of our modern times like folks are owed something.
I admit there are times when I think my wife really deserves more than I have given to her but that is not what you are talking about.
I just remember Sister Marie in High School telling my class we were all going to be going to hell but she was not a real happy person. She gave me an F on my term paper about comparative religions. Brother Roy read my term paper and changed my grade to an A+ but I digress.
We all bring different things to the table and folks need to find their own happiness. I probably feel more responsible for my wife's happiness than I should but that is just me.
My happiness is in the love that I have for her and my children. My wife and children reside within my center. My center is where my life force is and where my happiness emanates from.
Some folks take too much burden on themselves for things they cannot control. They need to let themselves be happy. To find their center.
I take the phrase, "you deserve to be happy" literally. The word "deserve" meaning "to be worthy of". In essence, to me it means that everyone is worthy, or of sufficient importance, to be happy.
The problem seems to be that many people believe that happiness is chance, when actually it is a choice. They believe that they could only be happy "if"... never realizing that what is inside themselves is where the happiness comes from. I don't think it is anything to do with modern times, it's been that way for time immemorial.
"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." ~ Marcus Aurelius
I think attitudes have changed a lot over the years. I'm 40+, and I don't think I was ever told that I deserve to be happy. I was taught more that life is tough and that everything isn't a bed of roses. I don't think my happiness should be at the expense of others misery. For example, my wife divorced me because she "wasn't happy" any longer. We have young kids, however, and apparently she didn't care how the rest of their life will be. She even told me that she wasn't going to let their reaction influence her decision. Personally, I could face a lot of bad stuff if I knew it would be better for my kids.
I believe happiness is a choice we make from within ourselves, it is not an entitlement or a right by any means. We just have the pursuit, but what we do with that, well many screw that up royally by expecting another to fullfill.
The people who are most happy are the Givers in life, this brings lasting Joy. If you are there just to "take" "take" "take" your fill will never be enough anyway. So many are looking to win their lottery ticket in life, spending countless hours thinking on how they will spend it on themselves (what a waste of human potential )--then when on their death beds, they will be find they are mourning the unsaid words, visits, time they spent with their loved ones, friends along the way.
To live your life by helping others, loving others you will have little regret as you age, and happiness will FIND YOU unsuspecting. It simply works this way.
It is a choice we make every day, every hour. Some of us screw it up time & time again, but we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and go at it again.
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley
If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day. ~W. Beran Wolfe
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young
I don't think one 'deserves' to be happy any more than one deserves to be unhappy, afflicted with cancer or diabetes. But, like maintaining good health, one can live a happy life by making wise and balanced choices and I think one learns to do that through experience, observation and introspection
My opinion is that most people equate happiness with good fortune--which is generally random. Are people more shallow and less introspective than in earlier days? I don't know for sure but it sure seems like it.
1. "I deserve to be happy" is a catch-all justification device used to rationalize some otherwise sh*tty behaviour.
I'm having an affair because...I deserve to be happy...
I'm gambling because...I deserve to be happy...
I going out drinking with my buddies because...I deserve to be happy...
I'm a selfish prick because...I deserve to be happy...
2. It's a statement used by people with an external locus of control in the sense that, I'm going to ascribe power to external force/event/person to get some need met because...I deserve to be happy.... Instead of, say, I'm going to take responsibility for creating my own happiness through these actions.
I was never told I "deserve to be happy" by my parents either. I think people should just stop feeling sorry for themselves and BE happy in their heads. That's all it takes. Took me some time to realize this but now I'm there. And when you're happy with yourself nothing and no one will matter.
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. ~James Openheim
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
Happiness is a choice you make for yourself. If you hitch your happy wagon to any other human, you'll be disappointed.
So true. My x wife hitched her happy wagon to me, and apparently I couldn't fill it with happiness for her. I am a happy person within myself, and it must have rubbed her the wrong way to see that I could be happy outside of her; all my happiness didn't center around her.
In my opnion, when most people complain of not feeling happy what they really mean is they don't feel contentment. Contentment is probably the greatest gift you can give yourself. Nobody else can give you contentment.