Wife hanging out with younger friends

Syrum · 06-28-2011, 03:12 AM

If she ever pulls out the you don't trust me card, tell her you trust her enough that she will behave like your wife, and not someone who is 18 and single, you also trust her enough that she won't go putting herself in situations where there could be temptations or things could go wrong. If she chooses to do those things then she breaks your trust.

AFEH · 06-28-2011, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richards

Latest update. So everything was cool this weekend. Then tonight I'm at work again and I call her at home to say goodnight to her and my daughter. Asked her what she and my daughter have been doing and she leaves out the part that her 21 year old girlfriend had came over, drank a couple glasse of wine and watched a movie. When I asked her why she left that out she said she didn't think it was that big of a deal. Now remember I told her I don't care if she hangs out with the girl, just not in a bar. WTF?
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Your wife lied to you, which makes her a liar. PM me if you'd like some help on how to move forward.

marrid4life · 06-28-2011, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wishful Thinking1

Take is from some one that was in your wife's shoes. It is leading to no good. I was 39 and married when I started going out with friends. To bars and dancing well guess what I left my husband less then a year later. I didn't want to be married anymore. Beware you need to sit down and talk to her and go out with her when she goes. If she doesn't want you to its to late. SORRY

Umm may i ask, how long were you married? and now do you regret being divorced or separated.

marrid4life · 06-28-2011, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes

I have a different take on this. I don't see anything wrong with going out every once in a while and I don't see how ages would matter. I have friends of all ages, the youngest being 23 (former co-worker) and I am 39. I go out with her because she is nice, responsible and we both love to dance. My husband is fine with this because he trusts me, I know my boundaries and he really doesn't like to dance. I am not dancing with other men at all, I am dancing with my group of friends.
I don't see this as reliving youth, MLC or anything else other than just doing something I enjoy, dancing. I know others will disagree with me and I think that's because many people here have been cheated on in this scenario. If someone is prone to cheating though, it doesn't matter if it's a bar, nightclub or the local car wash.
Saying you trust your wife, it's the guys you don't trust is an oxymoron. If you trust your wife, whatever the guys do would be of no consequence. She has free will and the ability to say "I'm married" and walk away.

I have to agree on that about trust, all of us have a free will to just walk away. I think as we get older we all like attention and praises and that might mean by flirting abit but then knowing when to cut it off and not step over the boundries, but i shouldnt say to much cos i am going thru some rough times and it might be over for my marriage as well.

F-102 · 06-28-2011, 07:26 AM

Perhaps she felt that mentioning anything to you about being with ANY of those friends would upset you, and she feels that she is walking on eggshells.

But beware-this "friend" may be toxic.

turnera · 06-28-2011, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richards

Latest update. So everything was cool this weekend. Then tonight I'm at work again and I call her at home to say goodnight to her and my daughter. Asked her what she and my daughter have been doing and she leaves out the part that her 21 year old girlfriend had came over, drank a couple glasse of wine and watched a movie. When I asked her why she left that out she said she didn't think it was that big of a deal. Now remember I told her I don't care if she hangs out with the girl, just not in a bar. WTF?
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You TOLD HER that you don't care if they hang out. And then when she does, you question her about it.

Which is it?

I'm pretty sure she's asking that question right now.

Entropy3000 · 06-28-2011, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richards

Latest update. So everything was cool this weekend. Then tonight I'm at work again and I call her at home to say goodnight to her and my daughter. Asked her what she and my daughter have been doing and she leaves out the part that her 21 year old girlfriend had came over, drank a couple glasse of wine and watched a movie. When I asked her why she left that out she said she didn't think it was that big of a deal. Now remember I told her I don't care if she hangs out with the girl, just not in a bar. WTF?
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Boundaries have to be carefully thought through. They did not go to a bar. Your wife was not hanging out with her girlfriends boyfriends in a bar.

You told her it was ok to hang out with the 21 year old. The safest place to do so would have been watching a movie at your house.

If you wanted her not to hangout with the 21 year old, you need to agree on a boundary of that.

I guess your concern is that she left out that information. Are you worried your wife will start drinking with her?

Now you are really going to have to soul search what your current issue is about any of this. I do admit it is more than a little creepy that she hangs out with the 21 year old period.

I think you just have to monitor things. I do see why this would raise your eye brows, but in and of iteself it is well within the boundary. The friend may very well be "toxic" but your wife works with her. So that comlicates things a bunch. Your wife needs some new friends that are marriage friendly and age appropriate IMHO.

So yeah, your situation is in an uneasy period and I would be concerned about activities behind your back. I would be concerned less about bars now and more about your wife hanging out over the wrong peoples houses which would be infinitely more dangerous. i.e. if she takes her friends over to these single guys houses. There will be drinking there and your wife would be in huge danger of going off the deep end or flat just being taken advantage of. The only reason I bring it up is related to her having to go pick up the 28 year old at the guys place where they were brining in other girls. So I guess I am coming around to the thinking that just hanging out with these folks is a bad idea. BUT, it is a difficult situation. She is complying with the no bar thing ... as far as you can tell now.

Entropy3000 · 06-28-2011, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syrum

If she ever pulls out the you don't trust me card, tell her you trust her enough that she will behave like your wife, and not someone who is 18 and single, you also trust her enough that she won't go putting herself in situations where there could be temptations or things could go wrong. If she chooses to do those things then she breaks your trust.

This is like my biggest point in all this kinda stuff.

richards · 06-28-2011, 07:54 PM

I'm over worrying about it. I'm just gonna do my own thing and see how she likes it. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
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Entropy3000 · 06-29-2011, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richards

I'm over worrying about it. I'm just gonna do my own thing and see how she likes it. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
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Good deal. Let us know how this goes.

F-102 · 06-29-2011, 08:13 PM

Richards, don't want to scare you, but something in your post about when she went to pick up the friend stood out at me, and it was what you DIDN'T say:

How much time elapsed between your W going to pick her up and calling you about it?

richards · 06-29-2011, 11:03 PM

It wasn't very long. My wife and daughter were with me at my work and then they ran out there to pick her friend up who's car was at my house. Maybe 20-30 minutes including the ten minute drive over there. I don't think anything could have happened during that time with my daughter with her. I'm just over it. Tired of thinking about it and wondering what might have happened. It's just a complete waste of my time.
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