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Old 06-30-2011, 08:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Understanding Myself

I am about to enter the process of divorce. I am looking at this as an opportunity to spend more time with my friends, reconnect with people Iíve lost touch with, go out and try new things, meet new people and enjoy being a dad.

One thing I also want to do during this time is find myself. I also will look back on where my marriage failed, as in the red flags I either missed or ignored and learn from them (but I wonít dwell).

What are some ways I can go about understanding and finding myself? What are some ways I can man up and be an alpha male toward women (besides reading the sticky!) without a woman in my life? This is a great opportunity and I donít want to squander it lest I am in this boat again.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding Myself

Spend time ALONE without dating. That is how you can "find yourself" again. Do new activities. See where you went wrong, what flags you ignored, what things you did wrongin your relationship. Get therapy.

You don't NEED a woman in your life to be man. Come on now!
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Meetup.com is a great way to find people with similar interests where friendships can begin without having to turn into love or sex. It'll also let you test your people skills and women skillz without pressure.

I joined a group that volunteers within the community there and loved it. Still get the emails and will go to a scheduled volunteer day from time to time. I have remained close to several of the friends I've made through that.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding Myself

Jbird,

Did you read the books?

No more Mr. Nice Guy

Hold onto your Nuts

The Married Man Sex Life Primer?

These books are excellent! Start with Mr Nice Guy, and move down the list. Each book is only 9.99 at the kindle store, and if you don't have a kindle you can download the client or your computer.

All these books have a great "recipe" for becoming more Alpha and dropping thevNice Guy.

After that, I read a few books on women's thinking....like "For Men Only", just for more knowledge, lol.

And after that, if you have questions, always come back to the Mens Clubhouse.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding Myself

Don't be deluded into thinking that alpha males never get cheated on. I know a few extreme alpha males and their wives ended up divorcing them and shacking up with their lovers.

Man-ing up does not mean being 100%, 24/7, 365 days/year 'alpha male'. It is a fine balance of alpha and beta. When the need arises for the alpha male, a man becomes the alpha male. And when the need arises for the beta male, yada yada yada.

A good site for you to check out is Athol Kay's Married Man's Sex Life website. Athol is one great mentor, the kind of guy you wish you dad had been as far as teaching about being a man and being loved and respected by women. You can learn a lot from Athol.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding Myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbird669 View Post
I am about to enter the process of divorce. I am looking at this as an opportunity to spend more time with my friends, reconnect with people I’ve lost touch with, go out and try new things, meet new people and enjoy being a dad.

One thing I also want to do during this time is find myself. I also will look back on where my marriage failed, as in the red flags I either missed or ignored and learn from them (but I won’t dwell).

What are some ways I can go about understanding and finding myself? What are some ways I can man up and be an alpha male toward women (besides reading the sticky!) without a woman in my life? This is a great opportunity and I don’t want to squander it lest I am in this boat again.
Understanding yourself is a lifetime journey. Know yourself one minute, you’ll change the next. I like that old Chinese saying “If you haven’t seen your friend for three days, look closely as they may have changed”.

Us human’s are the most adaptable species on the planet, that’s part of the reason for our success. So as the world around us changes, we change and adapt. And as we go through the years and change within ourselves, again we change and adapt to our new found circumstances.

We all go through “phases” in our lives, the I’m a student studying for my degree phase. the I’m married with two children phases so I’m a husband and father, the I’m a grandfather with fabulous grandchildren phase etc. etc. When we look back these phases in our lives become recognisable to us, like chapters in our own book of life. And it’s then that we know who we were and we really get to understand ourselves.

But you want to understand yourself now, not at some time in the future to look back and understand who you were. To understand who you are now, buy “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello and he’ll teach you how to get to know yourself “in the now”, at the same time as you are going about your life.

Don’t worry too much about this Alpha male stuff. There are a number of interpretations, descriptions of what it actually means anyway so which one would you be working towards? Successful men have very clear objectives and plans in their lives and these are based on their dreams, that’s part of how they get where they want to be. Most of them work their butt off to make their dreams come true. As long as you can pay your way in life, look after those you hold dear to yourself, behave in all ways with honour, credibility and integrity and bring a bit of humility and humour into the mix you’ll be doing very well.

Last edited by AFEH; 06-30-2011 at 09:50 AM.
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks for all of the great advice.

I don't plan on dating for a long while, but I'm not turning down sex if the chance arises.

I have No More Mr. Nice Guy (reading through it) and I am on Athol Kay's site daily.

Thanks for the advice.
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Old 06-30-2011, 01:30 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Understanding Myself

i agree that finding yourself is a life long process. marriage is one of life's greatest commitments, and when it fails, many many things are affected. take time for yourself and don't rush into anything new. especially for your kids -- that would be painful for them to see you move on so quickly.
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