Respectfully, you are the problem.
Who knows why she decided to attend, loyalty to a friend, curiousity, wanted a night on the town, something missing sexually between the two of you and she wanted to take in the show. Any of these things or more. But, the only pertinent fact is that she did attend and she clearly wanted to attend. As for faithfulness, the fact that something or someone other than you turned her on is not infidelity. Do you really want control over what she thinks, or at least have the right to approve or disapprove of her thoughts? Look at it like this, she could have picked up a guy at the club or gotten down with the stripper, but she didn't. She came home and wanted to get on with you!
If the Op's wife felt something was missing in the relationship, she should have gone to him and talked about it. Not been disloyal and behaved like she did.
I believe it is infidelity. Just because there is no vaginal penatration doesn't mean you have been faithful. seriously people just seem to go further and further with what is socially acceptable, despite it being bad for relationships.
But, you made it clear that you stayed home and stewed about her going the entire time. What type of life is that for your wife? I'm not talking about values either, I'm just talking about the freedom of thought and expression.
What kind of life is it for him, knowing his wife would rather go out and have some guy rub himself on her, rather then value and protect her marriage ans honor her vows?
As for her lying about it or being less than forthcoming I can think of a couple reasons. One, that might be her nature where she's just not comfortable talking (with you) about things that interest her that she fears won't interest you. Two, along a similar line, judging (albeit its a very short sample) by what you've written she might be afraid of being open with you for fear of either your rejection or your rebuke.
I can think of a couple of reasons too, she knew what she did was wrong. She felt ashamed etc, usually people lie when they have something to cover up.
Lastly, and please take this with all due respect, but you sound like a pompous academic that is so convinced by his own thoughts and beliefs that he can't seem to find any level of acceptance for anyone else's, including his wife's. What person comes to an advice forum, asks for help, and then arrogantly rejects a stranger's advice because "I find your tone condescending and non-productive"? Again, respectfully, you seem to be here for no other reason than to have your anger, mistrust, and reasoning validated by others rather than seriously looking for a way to help or improve your relationship with your wife.
I disagree, you seem to be pushing your own agenda, which is you think it's fine to ogle other people and have them rub themselves on you for pleasure. Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that it's really a good thing to do because you wouldn't want to believe your own values wrong.
Go back and re-read your first two post and analyze yourself. To me, you sound extremely rigid, close-minded, and controlling. Your wife is probably the least of your problems in your relationship. Just my two cents
Just because some one doesn't take the socially accepted norm that strippers, prostitution, porn etc are Good for relationships or great for their marriage doesn't make them closed minded in fact I would say the opposite is true, all these "open minded" people with the same sexual values as every other person are the ones who seem very closed minded to the idea that it is harmful.