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The Vasectomy Talk

16K views 95 replies 50 participants last post by  pragmaster 
#1 ·
Ok, gents, it's time for The Talk. You know, the one about what to expect when having your ball sack in for it's 100,000 mile service and useless subsystem disconnect. You will find the prevailing wisdom is that this procedure is both simple and without side-effects. I am here to disabuse you of this notion.

It all starts the moring-of with The Shave. You young bucks are probably already doing this anyway, but to someone born in the 60's, this may be a first for you. Personally, I enjoyed the return to my prepubescent self. It had been years since my junk stuck to the side of my thigh instead of sliding gracefully by, but at least I gained a virtual inch or so of length, if only for a little while.

Next you arrive at the Docs office, where they hand you a half a Valium and a glass of water. "Take this, dear. You'll feel better. Really". A half hour later, it's up on the table and down with the shorts. You don't feel any better. Really.

The Dr., who I will call Moreau for short, takes a long, wistful, appreciative look at you unclipped package. He pulls out a vial of local anesthesia and injects the paper-thin skin of your scrotum with a small needle. This does not hurt, really, no more than a pin prick. Unfortunately, it also does absolutely nothing to dull the sensation that's coming a wee bit later. A couple of minutes to full surface numbness, and we begin in earnest.

A small incision is made. This you do not feel in the least due to the local. He roots around in your sack for a couple of minutes to locate your vas deferens. Once located, he snaps a clamp onto the tube. This you do not feel in the least because it is not terribly sensitive. At this point, the nurse in attendance places a wet rag on your head, crosses your arms on your chest, and pins them there, gently but firmly. You casually wonder why, since you've lashed out at no one. You've been joking with the doc. You're the picture of comfort and complacency.

Now the man who took a vow to do no harm proceeds to pay out your tubing in a motion that you may have seen on that Discovery Channel show about crabbing. Apparently he needs to work at eye level, and lowering his gaze to your crotch is out of the question (and who can blame him?), so he grabs a length of your innards while striking a pose like Da Vinci's Vitruvian man. This you most certainly feel. You feel it first in that way you feel getting struck in the nuts with a 100 mph fastball. Without a cup. It travels from your groin to your midsection to your stomach. The nausea flares. You see stars. Hell, you see God, and he's laughing his sick twisted ass off. You understand why the nurse is holding down your arms because you're thinking of the best way to use them to rip off those of everyone else in the room.

We now move to the sterilization part of the procedure. A pair of scissors and a quick snip later, you're the proud owner of a split Vas. Now this little tube has a strong desire to reunite with its twin in your bag, so extraordinary lengths are taken to ensure that this doesn't happen. You feel like an electronics experiment gone awry as a small clamp is placed over each end and cinched closed. You understand how an IC feels when the hot soldering iron is pulled out and applied to body parts that until minutes ago had never been on the outside, with the sound of an egg hitting a too-hot frying pan. You enjoy the soupçon of seared human flesh lingering in the air. "Wait", you realize. "That's not flux, that's ME!". Most of this happens in a sweaty haze of semi-delirium from the punch you took to the groin. You remember with some nostalgia that day as a child when you fell off the bike, landing on the crossbar.

They patch you up and hand you your purple heart in the shape of a bottle of opioids, then wheel you to the door, where your family picks you up while trying valiantly but failing miserably to not giggle. When you arrive home, you put on a jock strap and best Sunday-football-get-the-hell-away-from-me-where's-the-nacho-cheese-sweatpants. Under those pants, you periodically swap out a new bag of frozen peas, arranging what can only be described as a frozen nest of chilled nirvana. After about a day, you discover that you body has a way of reproducing a color palette you never fully understood available sans broken bone. The grandeur of the hues - yellows, greens, purples fading to black - on your scrotum is so awe inspiring that you post a picture of it to Flickr, where people begin following you.

This is Saturday. On Monday, it's back to work. Like a scene from the Walking Dead, you shamble from place to place, sometimes emitting a grunt of pain when the wind blows too hard. Everyone in the office knows The Shuffle. The men look at you with pity, and some weep openly. But time passes, and the bruising fades just in time for the hair to grow back. You would wonder what to do about the shadow if sex was something that actually registered in your brain as desirable, though fortunately, it does not. You hope to never want sex again. The coup de grace of your emasculation is delivered in the form of handing a cup of your spunk to a tight-lipped nurse a month later in the Search For Swimmers.

Fast forward a year, and you discover that this is the gift that keeps on giving. You sit wrong. You sleep in an awkward position. You find yourself having entire days where The Shuffle is once again your favorite companion. You're sore in a way that cannot be reduced or bargained with - and you have that jockstrap ever at the ready.
 
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#7 ·
100% glad I did it.
Me too. I would do it all over again on one caveat - that I get to punch the doctor in the face as hard as I can after the procedure.
 
#5 ·
Had my vasectomy at 35 and by 45 had BPH(enlarged prostate). Asked all my family members(father, grandfather, uncles, cousins, etc.), anyone have any prostate problems.....nope, and none have a vasectomy either. According to some medical studies there may be some correlation between vasectomies and prostate issues.....in my case it sure seems like it.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't have the vasectomy.
 
#44 ·
My dad had severe BPH at 95....I had the same surgery a year later at 65.....I had the old fashioned T.U.R.P. surgery.....It was soooo easy, I could not believe....It was life changing in a good way....Aside from passing a few blood clots...totally painless, the worst part is no sex for 10 weeks......And they mean 10 weeks....Tried to slip one in at 8 weeks, next time I whizzed, it looked like the toilet was filled with a pint of caviar.....Thousands of little round black pearls, that were actually little spherical blood clots....One of the benefits is retrograde ejaculation...you orgasm like before, but the ejaculate is routed into the bladder....During a BJ, your partner can go to completion and far beyond....with no spit or swallow issues....

If anyone thinks the MIGHT have BPH, please don't hesitate, it is a very easy, and life changing (for the better) procedure....
 
#6 ·
Sorry Cletus

I think you must have had a hack for a surgeon.

Had it done 18 years ago. The only discomfort was the local anesthesia.

Had it done on Friday afternoon. Spent Saturday watching college football with an ice pack. Mowed my lawn on Sunday. The strongest pain killer I took was Makers Mark.

No aftermath at all. No difference in sex drive, orgasm intensity and according to my lovely wife, no difference in ejaculate volume or taste.

Sorry you experience sucked but it was the best $75 co-pay I ever spent.
 
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#8 ·
Sorry you experience sucked but it was the best $75 co-pay I ever spent.
Don't even get me started on my circumcision. That can't have been any fun.
 
#9 ·
In all honesty, I have often been surprised at the reluctance of many of my male friends to a vasectomy. Many men don't seem to be very rational about letting scalpels near their jewels.
 
#59 ·
I think I am the only woman on TAM who would never allow my husband to get a vasectomy... I would kick & scream... No way is anyone going to mess with his jewels ...

I read just a little too many stories of ongoing pain or this or that.. this article stated " Pain in the testicles that doesn’t go away. This is called postvasectomy pain syndrome and occurs in about 10% of men." 10% is too high!!

What are the risks of vasectomy?

I had lots of C-sections, always under the knife.. things stuck up there.. it was easier for me to just get an IUD.. 5 minutes in the office, sharp pain and it was over - good for 12 yrs... he wasn't complaining.
 
#11 ·
Are women allowed in here? If not, feel free to tell me to go make you a sammich! :laugh:

My ex-husband had his vasectomy 17 years ago. He had the laser surgery an his experience was very different.

It took a total of 20 minutes in the urologist office, the wound looked like a blister and was about the size of a pencil tip eraser, and he was fully healed within a few days. I inspected the site daily to make sure there were no infections or other complications. He said that the discomfort didn't kick in until a few hours after the surgery, went away totally within 3 days, and did not have any side effects. No pain meds other than Tylenol.

Two of my male friends also had vasectomies and they've always said that they surgery was quick and easy, that they recovered fully within a week on the outside, and are happy never having to worry about birth control again.

As far as I understand, the laser procedure is easier to recover from than the old fashioned scalpel method, so that may be a factor. Also, age is a factor in healing. My ex was in his late 20's when he had his done and so were my guy buddies.

My ex-husband and I split up about a year after he had his vasectomy. I met my current husband and became pregnant. As I didn't want any more children before that pregnancy, I had my tubal ligation after the baby was born. So, I've been there from the female point of view.
 
#15 ·
I actually was rolling around with half a vasectomy for about a year :grin2:. I ended up needing hernia surgery and the surgeon was my urologist, so he offered to snip the one side while I was cut open. I was convinced that with even one functioning nut my wife and I would somehow have an unexpected pregnancy, but we prevailed! Got the other side taken care of the usual way (in the office) at the end of last year. Definitely best decision made
 
#20 · (Edited)
Had mine done in 1994 on a Christmas Eve Saturday morning up in the Texas Medical Center in Houston by a Urologist who was all alone in his office as he was a specialist on my fantastic health plan through the Fed. He worked alone and hit me with that big shot needle and except for one tug, I never really felt a thing! Told me to go home, ice it down, and go to bed for the duration of the day. He did inform me that I had his blessing to be out on the basketball floor the following Tuesday to help referee a high school holiday basketball tournament that I had been scheduled to work. The roughest part of post-op was the ride back to my house by my big brother who knew what I'd just gone through as he also a veteran of the vasectomy wars from prior years, and he seemed to hit every damned pothole there was to be found, both intentionally and unintentionally! No wonder that worthless bastard was smiling like a cheshar cat!

Besides that, I made it through both the bed recovery and the basketball tournament with flying colors! More especially the rainbow color of my scrotum for the week afterward!

But after a couple trips to the lab with the sample bottles, I was declared "good to go" and have never looked back with disdain ever since! One of the better moves that I've ever made!

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#21 ·
Also had no issue with the cut. Within 6 months of one another I had lasik and a vasectomy and I always discribe the lasik as a much worse procedure.

I had some discomfort but it's long since gone. The one thing I did notice was that has never returned the force of orgasm. It still feels as good but noticibly less comes out and no more shooting across the room. But the trade off of no accidental pregnancy has been worth it 10 fold. Especially the time a woman tried to convince me that I got her pregnant, Was a colorful conversation lol.
 
#26 ·
. The one thing I did notice was that has never returned the force of orgasm. It still feels as good but noticibly less comes out and no more shooting across the room. l.

I have to understand this. The force of the ejaculation?

Is this like when you have to pee really really really bad and you can feel the force with which the urine is being expelled? The relief of emptying the bladder feels stronger if the bladder was uncomfortably full. The relief is relational to the amount of discomfort of holding it in.

Shooting across the room. Is this some kind inconsequential of badge of male hood, like being able to spit 10 feet or something?
 
#23 · (Edited)
For me it was a big decision.

I was hit with the conventional logic that MEN are to be sterilized, not women. It was a "much easier" procedure compared to the female equivalent. Just a "minor surgery" that rarely ever goes wrong...Then I started reading teste-monials on the net.

Suffice it to say there aren't a lot of people starting blogs and filling bandwidth with stories of their wonderfully successful vasectomies. Quite the opposite, in fact. Everything from persistent pain to impotency, auto immune disease to cancer were being blamed on this procedure.

My wife couldn't stomach the thought and told me NOT to do it.

Well, we discussed and I went ahead and had it done. The procedure was clumsy and painful but I'm relatively problem free at 2 years after. ( I sometimes still feel a "tightness" during erection that is not so much painful as annoying.)

I guess my point is that IMO, it should not be taken lightly EVEN IF you disregard the very worst horror stories.

There is a performance factor to the male sex organ that can be very elusive BEFORE you start cutting, pulling, burning and bottling up all the goods to pool in the body, (where its not meant to be).

In my case, my wife and I have a lot of sex and have found ourselves to be among the 1 of 99 of which conventional BC does not work. I finally made the decision that right now, me and my marriage would be less stressed and strained dealing with ED or whatever else rather than a new pregnancy...That's a statement that I'm not real proud to make. But that's how I had to break it down when considering all of the possible outcomes.

I don't know the true odds of difficulties are. And I do wonder what unintended consequences can develop 10 or 20 years down the road.

But if youre thinking of this option and your doctor, wife or friends are making light and telling you that this is some happy little outpatient surgery like having a tooth pulled, they may not be looking at this with YOUR best interest in mind.
 
#25 ·
Fast forward a year, and you discover that this is the gift that keeps on giving. You sit wrong. You sleep in an awkward position. You find yourself having entire days where The Shuffle is once again your favorite companion. You're sore in a way that cannot be reduced or bargained with - and you have that jockstrap ever at the ready.
Wow, Cletus. That sucks. My husband didn't have anything like the experience you described.

Sorry, man. :(
 
#27 ·
Cletus I had to stop reading your first post midway, was getting that tender feeling in my groin, can't even sit with my full weight on my chair at the moment and I feel the beginning of cramping sensation in my lower abs. The other men's comments that their experience was not that bad has helped sooth me a little.
 
#28 ·
Most men it seems don't have my experience. Even then, I'm 100% pro-vasectomy. It just makes everything about sex so much easier. I'm not here to scare men off the procedure, but everything I posted was accurate and, I think, worth a chuckle.
 
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#34 ·
@larry.gray, why would you have blue balls for a year or two after a vasectomy? I thought you could have sex almost immediately as long as you use protection for the swimmer still in the tract?
 
#35 ·
During arousal, sperm is pushed to the top of the vas deference. The 'blue balls' sensation is the pressure of having the top of the vas deference congested from extended arousal without release. A similar sensation happens when sexual frequency drops.

It is a common side effect of a vasectomy to have the same sensation for a year or two. The vas deference before the snip is going to be very full until eventually sperm production ceases and the dead sperm are all reabsorbed.
 
#38 ·
Mine was 24 years ago, and there was that pinch, ouch. Rolled out a pallet of sod the next day and cut out the stitches myself a couple weeks later. Self dissolving nonsense.
What I didn't like were all the other tools in the surgery room, 2 foot long flexible thingys with grippers on the end, hanging on the wall!
 
#39 ·
I have a friend of a friend who worked in an ER. Patients would occasionally show up with various objects lodged in their rectums. The doc said they had two ways of dealing with the problem - the easy way, which they used when you were sheepish and honest about how the item got there, and the hard way, for when you swore up and down that you fell on the handle of the barcalounger.

Perhaps vasectomies have alternative procedures too. Perhaps I got one such alternative. Don't remember being a smartass, but you never know.
 
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