Okay, so bear with me here. Last night I couldn't sleep so I stayed up watching a show on the Travel Channel called "Dance the World". It was a fascinating journey about a classically trained dancer who is travelling the world to explore various cultures and the dances that encompass it. Last night, she was in Brazil learning the Samba. The dance school where she was training was equally mixed with both men and women. It seemed everywhere she went, men loved to dance. It was a part of their blood and just as natural as breathing.
This got me thinking about other cultures and how men dancing is considered dominate. The inability to dance in many countries is considered weak. Greece, Spain, Italy, Russia, nearly all of Latin America, the Middle East and Africa. These are cultures dominated by men and the men there dance freely and are seen as strong men for doing so.
In the case of last nights episode, the teacher of the Samba school was a thin, small man who wasn't good looking. The women however, thought he was a God and the men wanted to be him. He commanded respect by dancing.
So my question is, why is dancing in the U.S. or say England/Canada considered to be unmanly/un dominate or worse, gay? It really got me thinking and I do not understand this.
Curious about the thoughts of men here on this.
I certainly don't understand. I am, without a doubt, the only man under 55 in my current ballroom dancing class. I'm not at all good at it, but the 60 year old women with 60 year old husbands certainly seem to treat me like I am. My wife and I took classes under different settings for the last five years. We'll go a few months, then something happens and we'll take a break for a year or so before going back. We rarely see younger men in the classes. I think it picked up with the TV shows, but never really stuck.
Yes, most men laugh when I admit that we're taking lessons. I actually started so that I could take my daughter to a ball, but my wife and I kept going. Something about putting on that tux seems to get things flowin for the wife, though.
Not a man, but I don't mind stomping through here with muddy boots.
My guess is that our culture does not prize or value men who dance for many different reasons - it's often thought to be a sissy, feminine, or gay kind of thing.
It's obvious that there are other cultures as you noted where dancing - the ultimate in a flamboyant freedom of physical expression short of actually having sex maybe - is prized in other cultures. Men are raised to see it as a manly thing to do in those cultures. It would be interesting to know whether when the dancing became a manly thing to do in those cultures if it was because their women saw it as an attractive thing and therefore the men continued to do it, or how it actually started.
In some of those cultures, the dance is seen as a kind of macho, almost sexual thing (I'm thinking in the Latin cultures). Beats me why guys here can't get in to it. Watching guys dance some of those dances like the sambo or tango is pretty hot. No wonder they're encouraged to do it.
In other cultures - think of Native American - dance was actually really important in many rites - not the least of which were mainly "manly" pursuits - rites of passage for young men coming of age and to build up their passions prior to going to war.
I think I saw posted before someone saying that only men can define masculinity. But I think that many, many things shape that definition within a culture - one is what women find attractive in men, one is what men find as attractive qualities for a man to have, and one is what men think women find attractive.
It's obvious in the cultures you mentioned, the freedom of expression and ability to dance is actually considered a masculine trait. Nice to see.
Not a man, but I don't mind stomping through here with muddy boots.
My guess is that our culture does not prize or value men who dance for many different reasons - it's often thought to be a sissy, feminine, or gay kind of thing.
It's obvious that there are other cultures as you noted where dancing - the ultimate in a flamboyant freedom of physical expression short of actually having sex maybe - is prized in other cultures. Men are raised to see it as a manly thing to do in those cultures. It would be interesting to know whether when the dancing became a manly thing to do in those cultures if it was because their women saw it as an attractive thing and therefore the men continued to do it, or how it actually started.
In some of those cultures, the dance is seen as a kind of macho, almost sexual thing (I'm thinking in the Latin cultures). Beats me why guys here can't get in to it. Watching guys dance some of those dances like the sambo or tango is pretty hot. No wonder they're encouraged to do it.
In other cultures - think of Native American - dance was actually really important in many rites - not the least of which were mainly "manly" pursuits - rites of passage for young men coming of age and to build up their passions prior to going to war.
I think I saw posted before someone saying that only men can define masculinity. But I think that many, many things shape that definition within a culture - one is what women find attractive in men, one is what men find as attractive qualities for a man to have, and one is what men think women find attractive.
It's obvious in the cultures you mentioned, the freedom of expression and ability to dance is actually considered a masculine trait. Nice to see.
Very well said. I thought similar things but couldn't articulate it as well as you can. I also think dance and sex go hand in hand. It just seemed, in the show I watched that one couldn't help notice that these people were highly sexual. The dancing was almost foreplay. I think this could be true of many cultures so it boggles my mind then why this wouldn't be embraced by all men
I'd love to take professional dance lessons. Ballroom, samba, salsa. Anything I could. Dancing well is a skill I dont have.
When I used to go to clubs, I'd never dance at first. After a few drinks, friends and I would take over part of the floor. We danced terribly, but didnt give a f*ck. Had a good time. Shopping cart, lawn mower, everything. Some girls laughed, but then they usually joined us in the shopping cart. Thats when you knew you had them!
Dancing is a great way to meet girls. It was all about having fun, but if a song like "Mysterious Ways" by U2 or "Come Undone" by Duran Duran comes on, that girl and I would get very close...Like sex on a dance floor!
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Re: Men and dancing...
My wife and I ballroom dance. We took our lessons a few years ago. During those lessons the average age was mid 40s. We had several young couples in the classes also and there were always a few more women than men. I consider myself to have two left feet but with time became comfortable and proficient with the basics of Waltz, Tango and Fox Trot. My wife took to it very naturally. I found nothing gay in the lessons nor felt any discomfort with taking them other than my initial clumsiness. When discussing it with friends, I found the men to be curious about the lessons but not particularly interested in taking them. Women tended to look at it as a very romantic gesture and something they would very much like to do with their husbands. In traditional ballroom the man leads and when it is done with confidence and style it can be quite alluring. We enjoyed the lessons very much and try to dance when we can at weddings and such. But most weddings these days don't cater much to ballroom. It is interesting however when a DJ follows the Electric Slide with something like Charade and my wife and I go out and do a Waltz on a nearly deserted dance floor. We get a lot of questions from women on how long we've been dancing and my wife always seem very happy to volunteer that taking lessons was my idea. I think it is seen as very romantic and if you have an opportunity to take lessons, do so.
It's generally a vicious cycle. Men hate men that can dance. Primarily because women love men that can dance.
For most guys, I think it is fear of the unknown, not appearing clumsy, as opposed to actually reviling the ability to dance.
It is an elegant form of communication and expression. I truly think it is therapeutic in terms of working through things with a spouse. It's probably money better spent than counseling in some cases.
I love to dance but have never taken the professional classes. It would be fun I bet. As a little girl, my dream was to grow up and become a professional flamenco dancer.
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Re: Men and dancing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
I truly think it is therapeutic in terms of working through things with a spouse. It's probably money better spent than counseling in some cases.
Very astute Deej, we took them when everything was pretty much broken in our marriage. It gave us a common interest to work on together. We had a lot of fun with the lessons and both looked forward to them each week. The close physical proximity didn't hurt either.
Okay, I guess I should have been a tad more clear. Yes, most men at some point in their lives take a ballroom dance class. Either as part of social ettiquite or right before they get married for their first dance.
I was referring more to the type of dance that is "feeling the beat". The let yourself go, shake your butt kind of dance. The cultures I mentioned all seem to have this in common and the men are definately not seen as weak for doing so.
Maybe we are more repressed?
It is a cultural thing. I come from one of those kind of cultures where most men dance and have a blast.
In most of those countries people have folk dancing and they usually dance to their own folk music at parties - weddings, engagements, and other celebrations. They do play international pop songs too but not that much. There are clubs for that.
If a man doesn't dance, he's considered somewhat self conscious and shy. If a man can dance and dances well, he's seen as strong and confident.
I was raised in a danceless home and danceless culture, even though my mom has strong irish roots and was a world class highland dancer.
For me dancing is literally one of the hardest challenges... I've been trying to push myself and am proud when I do, but it is by no means any fun at all, no matter what kind whether its at a night club, wedding, slow dance, fast dance, etc. I love music though and have a lot of rythym, just can't let the places between my ankles and wrists move with it. I sure wish it wasn't such an exhausting outlet because it makes me feel so weak, I am so inadequate on the dance floor and my wife decided that one of the most important things she needs is someone who she can keep up with on the floor - for her how I represent on the floor is how I represent in every aspect of my life, and which I've allowed to make true, and feels like such a stupid reason our marriage didn't work out.
Part of me being whole I think means letting go of the idea I will be a dancer, because I'm not and I honestly don't think its something I will ever be able to do. And I need to be fine with that instead of feeling inadequate about it because it just makes me weak to have wishful thinking about it. But then, how do I get by in places where dancings is part of the custom?
It's generally a vicious cycle. Men hate men that can dance. Primarily because women love men that can dance.
For most guys, I think it is fear of the unknown, not appearing clumsy, as opposed to actually reviling the ability to dance.
It is an elegant form of communication and expression. I truly think it is therapeutic in terms of working through things with a spouse. It's probably money better spent than counseling in some cases.
Totally agree. It was amazing to watch these people. They all seemed so happy and free, even in the worst parts of town. Dance is therapy and it helped them bond with one another.
I wish more men would embrace this and view it as not a weakness but a sign of strength. Plus it's one hell of a workout.
Men and dancing... 
It is interesting however when a DJ follows the Electric Slide with something like Charade and my wife and I go out and do a Waltz on a nearly deserted dance floor. We get a lot of questions from women on how long we've been dancing and my wife always seem very happy to volunteer that taking lessons was my idea. I think it is seen as very romantic and if you have an opportunity to take lessons, do so.
