memphisman

So me and girlfriend decided to have a baby. She’s 13 weeks. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but it’s been pretty rough. First it started with her going hell bent on spending less time together because she wanted her space and her time. She spend majority of her time at her mom’s where she lives. But it got to the point that we were spending less than one day a week together. And anytime I brought this up that I thought we didn’t spend enough time together to her I was whining, and if I texted or called more than two times in one day I’m being clingy and needy. And on top of that we haven’t had sex since we found out she was pregnant. Because to her sex wasn’t important to her and she just didn’t have a sex drive. I’ve tolerated all this because everyone told me it’s just the hormones talking and things would get better after she had the baby or by time she hit the second trimester. Then she’s not able to take her antidepressants because she’s pregnant. All this has led up to her telling me she cheated on me this past Sunday and she told me the following Monday as she tried to break up with me. I told her I still wanted to try and make it work if for no other reason than the baby. I admit she’s been a lot calmer and agreeable since then and we’ve talking and spending more time together. But I’ve learned since this past Monday that a good chunk of the attachment I’ve had for her isn’t there anymore and my feelings aren’t the same anymore. At some points it’s just awkward. Between her cheating on me and pushing me away I feel like we’ve grown apart. I really want to make this work if possible. A lot of my friends have told I should just let her go and make the best of it. So I’m basically looking for any advice that might help me work things out. Maybe just some rekindling of the relationship somehow.

Syrum

You don't even live together yet, have made no major commitments, yet wanted to have a baby together?

You both need counseling and need to get your priorities straight.

Closer

Your best bet is to seek counsel. I know that it may sound cliche and boring but that's what a marriage counselor does, he gives possible solutions to fix a relationship.

It doesn't matter if you're not married, it's still a relationship problem. It's a job for the counselor.

Having said that, your other option would be to facilitate an environment where both of you can have a lengthy heart-to-heart talk (honest and open communication).

Both of you could go out for a picnic somewhere peaceful and relaxing like a place that's closer to nature.

During your conversation, remember these things:

1) Listen carefully to what she's saying.

2) Look for the meaning behind what she's saying.

3) Suspend your judgment

4) Be patient and calm during the interaction

5) Be honest with what you're currently feeling

6) Exercise empathy (put yourself in her shoes)


Lastly, whatever happens, you're still you. There are a lot of women out there who would do anything to be with a great guy like you.

Hope things work out for you, bro.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

If you don't have actual proof of her cheating I would not put too much credibility into her assertion that she did. She sounds a bit young and unstable and scared and people do and say all sorts of things to regain control in a relationship, this would include lying to manipulate your feelings or as some kind of misplaced fitness test.

Congratulations, you are not the proud parent of two. Your girlfriend as well as your baby. I'd advise counseling for yourself so you can decide what to do and keep your head straight. If you have a lot of free time, I'd suggest a second job, so as not to add insult to injury.

that_girl

Yea. I agree with this. I have children in a marriage and it's hard (although my kids were born outside of marriage which was harder).

Maybe she just used you to get pregnant? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I've known women who have done this.

Jellybeans

If she dumped you I'm not sure what there is to ponder. When the baby arrives do a paternity test.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'd make sure she was pregnant.
She just sounds unstable.
So there could be a lot of untrue things being said to you.
Verify everything.

BigToe

Counseling is a waste of time for you two. Deciding to have a baby is not like deciding where you are going to go out to eat and was a very immature decision. There's no rational reason for wanting to continue a relationship with someone that is carrying your baby but wants no part of you. Right now you can walk away with simply providing your girlfriend with child-support. If you carry the relationship to marriage you'll be paying for her mortgage as well.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Individual counseling would be helpful.

Kobo

A friend once said to me "people put more thought into selecting a puppy than they do into having a child". That seems to be the case here.

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― William Shakespeare, Richard III

Locard

If she is pregnant, I'm not sure it is yours....

Catherine602

Don't marry what ever you do. In essence she seems to have used you as a sperm donor. Pull up your pants and get ahold of your common sense and dignity. It is what it is. I don't blame you for losing your attraction and I don't agree that you should be more of a doormat than you are now. You cannot give easy forgiveness she will do it again.

I would have no contact get IC and strengthen your sense of self and self confidence. Plan on a relationship with your child but be a good model of a man for you kid.
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F-102

Agree with C602, get a paternity test, and if the baby really is yours, get a good lawyer, because it sounds like she just wanted a baby, you were sap enough to knock her up, and it sounds like she will try to stiff arm you whenever you want to see your child.

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"All of us get lost in the darkness...
...Dreamers learn to steer by the stars"

Runs like Dog

You both sound adorably underage.

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fight back

Closer

This is a possibility. I'm almost convinced that you should move on, bro.