I know things are a bit stressful and tough with our move...but I wish I could blame that. The truth of the matter is that the move and the 50th birthday (today) are not really making anything better or worse- this is just how dh is all the time now.
The kids all made him cards, I bought a nice card and a Nook. He opened the card and grumbled at me he didn't want any gifts. He didn't even open it. Later I asked him if he was even going to open it and he said 'take it back'. He spent the last month insisting nobody give him a party (not that we were going to with our home in boxes). Then I asked him what he'd like for dinner tonight... again he grumbles at me and says "I don't care".
Honestly... I cannot stand the Eyeore/Scrooge personality mix anymore... it is exhausting and sucking the LIFE out of me. No matter what I do or don't do, he isn't happier.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
Right. I just tune it out. Little Miss Empress Victoria of the Realm has never gone 20 minutes in her adult life w/o complaining about money. As if she's what? Handicapped? Doesn't speak the language? Locked in cage? She could hang out her attorney shingle tomorrow, work 2 or 3 days a week doing bankruptcy and health care litigation and make $50-60/year w/o trying.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa3girls
I know things are a bit stressful and tough with our move...but I wish I could blame that. The truth of the matter is that the move and the 50th birthday (today) are not really making anything better or worse- this is just how dh is all the time now.
The kids all made him cards, I bought a nice card and a Nook. He opened the card and grumbled at me he didn't want any gifts. He didn't even open it. Later I asked him if he was even going to open it and he said 'take it back'. He spent the last month insisting nobody give him a party (not that we were going to with our home in boxes). Then I asked him what he'd like for dinner tonight... again he grumbles at me and says "I don't care".
Honestly... I cannot stand the Eyeore/Scrooge personality mix anymore... it is exhausting and sucking the LIFE out of me. No matter what I do or don't do, he isn't happier.
I could be somewhat like that. I never cared for all the celebrations and such, but I was never hateful about it. What does he like? perhaps he would like just a quiet evening or something as a gift. I think a lot of the parties and such that I see are for the enjoyment of the giver rather than the receiver. Things are celebrated a lot differently now that when I was growing up. For example, ever been to a restaurant where they come out clapping and singing because it's someone's birthday? I wouldn't want that at all, so why do it?
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
He is depressed. On top of that he is the big 50. He is looking back, and realizing he isn't where he thinks he should be in his life. What he wants you can't give him.
His youth back
Good looks back
Vibrant health
Try to get him to go to the dr. He may need to be evauated for depression, and treated.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
i just turned 50 two weeks ago, yeah im depressed about it. my kids made a fuss with decorations, cards, brownies......i smiled my way thru it because i know they love me.....but i could have done without any of it.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4sure
He is depressed. On top of that he is the big 50. He is looking back, and realizing he isn't where he thinks he should be in his life.
Try to get him to go to the dr. He may need to be evauated for depression, and treated.
When I was in the thick of my depression all those things that should put a smile on any Dad's/Husband's face were nothing more than annoyances. It sucked. He can get better with help.
PS - my wife never understood/will understand how I felt.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
I know this is the mens clubhouse, and I apologize for stepping in. I just know so many, many men who have the same types of things going on in their lives, and for that I feel sad. It's as if a part of their life is being robbed because they refuse to get help, or reach out with the deepest part of their vulnerability to someone they trust. Without that type of action, it's as if their is a poison making them sick, and the cure is so very reachable, and available, but the hand refuses to to reach out to get it. I hope the trend begins to change, for the sake of men who struggle, and their loved ones. People need people.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
For you lisa3girls, I am sorry you endure this. It must be exhausting, and depressing. My advice to you is to begin to ask clear questions, and then accept the answers without taking them personally. Realize this is a struggle he has within himself. You may want to keep yourself healthy by staying focused on you and the family until your husband begins to awaken to the fact that he is in pain. Then he will begin to seek answers.
You can't make him happier, only he can. So, work on doing the things that make you happy.
Best wishes.
Thanks I really am trying... I mean, usually I just bite my tongue and move on to keep the peace, but sometimes I just cannot help myself. This is a real exchange we had the other night.
I had just gotten home... he had asked me to pick up a grinder from a place to which he gave me the wrong name... once I discovered it, I went to the right place... no big deal. (I mention this only so you realize he does plenty of things that COULD piss me of, but I choose not to make a big fuss about things like that). So we get home, and he divides up the grinder between me, my oldest and himself (it is a huge grinder). My 10 year old daughter, who had dinner at the rink said to me, mommy, can I try a piece (we never got a grinder from this place before). So I said 'sure'. I headed to the kitchen to cut her a couple bites of mine. My husband butts in:
Him: I'll give her some of mine.
Me: Ok.. she had dinner at the rink, she really just wants to taste it. (I only say this so he realizes a very small bit is all that is required).
Him: (in a very pissed off tone) Why the hell doesn't anyone tell me these things or EVER communicate these things to me... what the hell? (now he is being pissy about cutting her a piece).
Me: (now I admit a pissy tone, I couldn't BELIEVE this was an issue.. really) I AM communicating it to you, right now, what was I supposed to do, send you a letter?
Him: WHY are you yelling at me?
Me: Because I cannot for the life of me figure out WHAT your problem is and WHAT I was exactly supposed to be communicating about the grinder.
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa3girls
Thanks I really am trying... I mean, usually I just bite my tongue and move on to keep the peace, but sometimes I just cannot help myself. This is a real exchange we had the other night.
I had just gotten home... he had asked me to pick up a grinder from a place to which he gave me the wrong name... once I discovered it, I went to the right place... no big deal. (I mention this only so you realize he does plenty of things that COULD piss me of, but I choose not to make a big fuss about things like that). So we get home, and he divides up the grinder between me, my oldest and himself (it is a huge grinder). My 10 year old daughter, who had dinner at the rink said to me, mommy, can I try a piece (we never got a grinder from this place before). So I said 'sure'. I headed to the kitchen to cut her a couple bites of mine. My husband butts in:
Him: I'll give her some of mine.
Me: Ok.. she had dinner at the rink, she really just wants to taste it. (I only say this so he realizes a very small bit is all that is required).
Him: (in a very pissed off tone) Why the hell doesn't anyone tell me these things or EVER communicate these things to me... what the hell? (now he is being pissy about cutting her a piece).
Me: (now I admit a pissy tone, I couldn't BELIEVE this was an issue.. really) I AM communicating it to you, right now, what was I supposed to do, send you a letter?
Him: WHY are you yelling at me?
Me: Because I cannot for the life of me figure out WHAT your problem is and WHAT I was exactly supposed to be communicating about the grinder.
Him: Just stick it. (sits down in a huff).
Seriously, WTF?
idk - Maybe it would have been better to just say "Thanks" and left it at that when he stated he would give your daughter some. Otherwise, perhaps he feels frustrated because he perceives himself as being disrespected or ignored. In the words of one of my favorite authors, the inestimable Jane Austen, "The less said the better."
Re: It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enchantment
idk - Maybe it would have been better to just say "Thanks" and left it at that when he stated he would give your daughter some. Otherwise, perhaps he feels frustrated because he perceives himself as being disrespected or ignored. In the words of one of my favorite authors, the inestimable Jane Austen, "The less said the better."
But...then he would have given her a big piece and been irritated at her for not eating it all. WHY should I have to be worried about my words all the time? I didn't say anything wrong at all. In what way was letting him know she'd eaten and probably wasn't incredibly hungry disrepecting or ignoring him??
It is like living with Ebenezer Scrooge, I swear! 
