Turning wives down... - Page 5
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-10-2011, 07:06 PM   #61 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 9,946
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Our marriage is like a war now, kinda like a rebellion against a tyrant where the tyrant feels I'm the terrorist and yet I feel like I'm the freedom fighter heh
Sometimes in life we need to go to battle to win a sustaining victory. The battle will be rough, might even get a little bloody at times, but don't loose hope, it simply needs to BE.

Now if she just gets the right counselor who can crack her, open her up & see HER part in this, being the fighter that she is, if she aligns herself WITH you instead of against you, you will have the world at your feet.

It will probably be ugly for awhile, they need to break her down.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-11-2011, 09:35 AM   #62 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,461
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
It will probably be ugly for awhile, they need to break her down.
Guaranteed.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2011, 04:57 PM   #63 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Ok folks, today's the day...

I'm almost sad now really, it's been a while since we have indifference with each other. I'm also worried about her breaking, I hope it won't backfire, I'm going to case out the counsellor.

It's almost instinct to prevent her from breaking down, to protect her, but she needs it. I have to let go for now, and I'm not used to it. It's been a while since I've been sleeping by myself too.
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2011, 10:49 PM   #64 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

*UPDATE*

Looks like we're going through individual counselling for now, guess the counsellor's right that group therapy will go nowhere considering we end up fighting all the time. Well... mission accomplished actually, she's in counselling!

Yay!

Still, I wonder if she hates me for this... or if she will thank me later. I don't know =(
Someone give me some reassurance all will be well... =/
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2011, 07:14 AM   #65 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Still, I wonder if she hates me for this... or if she will thank me later. I don't know =(
Someone give me some reassurance all will be well... =/
Because of my husband I ended up in IC. At first I hated him for that but later yes I thanked him. He truly saved my life. He knew that wasn't the real me and he was right.

Regardless the outcome all will be well. This is just as much about you is it is her. You know that right?
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2011, 07:37 PM   #66 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

I don't know, I just want this issue to be resolved once and for all. We're going to be fighting relentlessly until she realises that she needs this however, we're still fighting - though a cold war now. We've pretty much dug in our trenches and armed our missiles, she has *our* bedroom and I have my man-cave. Our daughter is like an 'ambassador' who stops the war temporarily from time to time. It's kinda childish actually what we're doing, oh well.

I wonder how long she can last the drought though, normally with this situation I would be sending her a 'submarine' but looks like make up sex ain't in question as this is much more serious then previous fights since I got counsellors involved.

Hope this war won't last for like years, might as well be calling it quits.
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2011, 11:35 AM   #67 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,461
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Look at it this way.

Without this step, you're doomed.

So, what do you have to lose?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
*UPDATE*

Looks like we're going through individual counselling for now, guess the counsellor's right that group therapy will go nowhere considering we end up fighting all the time. Well... mission accomplished actually, she's in counselling!

Yay!

Still, I wonder if she hates me for this... or if she will thank me later. I don't know =(
Someone give me some reassurance all will be well... =/
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2011, 07:08 PM   #68 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

I know...

It's just a pain now seeing her like this, she's past the anger stage now she's just sad. We're talking again but she feels so hurt that I did this to her, guess she realised how serious I am. She doesn't believe I love her now, no matter what I say to her to reassure her. I don't know if she's being manipulative again or not but she does seem genuine with her feelings (which is rather f--ked up), when I put my arms around her she burst into tears and told me to leave her alone.

As she wasn't willing to listen, I wondered if she was willing to read so I wrote for her, put it in an envelope and wrote 'read this when you're ready, know that I still love you and I always will'. She took it then threw it across the room and cried until I left. She was obviously VERY ready!!! Heh

I've crossed the point of no return now. We have to continue with counselling. I should have suspected this all the while, even when we were still bf/gf I noticed she puts too much her worth in terms of sex. Her time with the Church suppressed the issue for a time until of course, I came along. I tried to help her see her worth but I guess old habits die hard. I never thought the issue will continue to haunt me for years.

She's confused, in denial, and in pain. She might be too hurt to love me after this, but I can't be selfish and let her continue to suffer due to her continuing to equate love with sex as she'll never feel complete (unless someone gives me an extra pair of testicles! Quad-balls!). She deserves to be able to feel loved outside of sex, even if that may mean we're done.
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2011, 08:57 PM   #69 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 18,861
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Good for you for standing your ground. She is still acting like a child. Keep up with your boundaries. You have gone above and beyond to make her happy even to the detriment of your privates. She needss to give the same amount you do to make you happy. Meet you halfway.
Posted via Mobile Device
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2011, 07:11 PM   #70 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

This morning the missus and I were trying to sort things out, and I asked her if she ever thought with all our fights we would actually have been better if we just remained best friends. She told me that "we were never just best friends, you know that" (literally finally ALMOST admitting she stole me from my ex! A breakthrough hahaha). We both had a smile over that...

But regardless she thought I was thinking of giving up on her, so I had to reassure again, though I was honest with how I felt with the rapes and all that. She told me that she admits she's sick and f--ked up (YAY!), I asked her if there was something that she didn't tell me about her past but she denies it.

The thing is, there are some strange tendencies of hers that I've only scratched the surface off. She has some strange fantasies involving emasculating men, including the use of a strapon, torturing the penis with a leather strap (like what she did to me once and made me ban restraints), etc etc. So far I'm lucky my butt is still a virgin.

Regardless, from my experience with rape victims (my first was one, she got raped at 14, and she got a tad super-violent), I understand that the need to feel control during sex (even overpowering) is related to the past trauma.

The missus denies this however, maybe our counselling can find out, but I don't know, she's less honest with her then with me, and told me that she 'gets it now' that this issue is serious and wants us to solve it ourselves without counsellors. It's bloody tempting to accept this offer, as I'm starting to miss her =/

I told her I can't help her, and she went on about how she can only talk with me and that she doesn't trust them and all that BS... I don't know. She's very complicated...
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-15-2011, 10:50 PM   #71 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
COGypsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,665
Default Re: Turning wives down...

Not complicated. Manipulative. In her mind, she's fighting for her life....her identity, her relationship, her coping mechanism for every feeling that she has are all being threatened and anything she can do to maintain enough of the status quo to keep "herself" intact, she'll do right now. You have to stay strong if you're going to get anything to change.
COGypsy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2011, 02:21 AM   #72 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,031
Default Re: Turning wives down...

=/
It's tough, being strong in this sense, when it comes to dealing with a demon inside someone you love...
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-2011, 09:00 AM   #73 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 18,861
Default Re: Turning wives down...

You avatar is pretty spot on, RD.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Turning down oral sex Cherry Sex in Marriage 53 06-02-2012 07:13 AM
Turning down pleasure.. I just don't get it. discouraged1 Sex in Marriage 15 04-13-2012 07:57 AM
Turning Point K.K. Coping with Infidelity 3 01-30-2012 12:42 PM
No More! No Turning Back.... mayatatia Considering Divorce or Separation 4 07-03-2011 12:38 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:36 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage