Do you do it nicely? How?
Does it work - does it stop her? If so, how?
How does she feel short term and long term?
Are you firm with your refusal? If yes, how do you avoid hurting her at the same time?
If you hurt her unintentionally, do you apologise? If not, do you at least make up?
For those who have also married nymphos, please answer too!
I need ideas, I'm about to fully give up on this issue and just hope time will bring out better days in the future.
Do you do it nicely? How?
Does it work - does it stop her? If so, how?
How does she feel short term and long term?
Are you firm with your refusal? If yes, how do you avoid hurting her at the same time?
If you hurt her unintentionally, do you apologise? If not, do you at least make up?
For those who have also married nymphos, please answer too!
I need ideas, I'm about to fully give up on this issue and just hope time will bring out better days in the future.
When not in the moment gently suggest she get help for her sex addiction. There's high sex drive and there's out of control. She's out of control. Posted via Mobile Device
When not in the moment gently suggest she get help for her sex addiction. There's high sex drive and there's out of control. She's out of control. Posted via Mobile Device
This. Is she in counseling now for anything? If not she needs to be.
I can't even get her to admit that her high sex drive is a problem let alone admitting sexual addiction
She has the whole world on her side too with this issue, and when I'm gentle she doesn't take it seriously, yet I don't want to hurt her by being forceful when it comes to sex and intimacy - it's sensitive. I'm pretty much stuck, and I actually find it ironic how things somehow managed to go back to "her way" by simply 'helping her heal' and 'making up' after our last fight.
I need ideas, I'm about to fully give up on this issue and just hope time will bring out better days in the future.
This is the hard part -it is likely NOT going to get better as your ABILITY is going to get less and less and her drive , as she ages, will climb a little. This IS the natural course of men & women.
WHY in the world doesn't she just use toys !!?? I don't get it. And still, is her beliefs keeping her from getting any kind of counceling , possible medical intervention?
I see no reason why YOU can not demand those 2 things and walk in it. Set aside a reasonable amount of physical sex (once a day), you would probably be happy with - or 5 -6 times a week. This is so NORMAL , this is SO REASONABLE. It is still ALOT.
This is a "Boundary" issue after all, feeing entitled to this -overstepping in this area, and she is ultimetly destroying you with it , and your relationship!
She needs to read & comprehend about Boundaries for one. And to deal with her own LUST demons.
I do not understand why she has the whole world at her side, and that might make her feel better, but they are not in her bedroom, YOU ARE, she needs YOU at her side, not them. This she needs to understand, get a handle on.
Or let her get a "screw buddy". Seriosuly some peoples situations are out of the box. I know I know, she only wants you - You know they make special order Blow up dolls and you can get a dildo designed after your husband. I am sure it costs an arm & a leg.
I do not know this couple but a friend of ours tells us about a couple they know, the wives sex drive is through the roof, his is not, their answer, she has someone else . He says it has been that way for years , it works for them. Just saying.
She doesn't seem to want to consider alternatives, but I think IF one partner is NOT happy, something needs to change. It needs to be worked out so you both are as "equally happy" as you can get. A lopsided marriage is one headed for trouble.
This is the hard part -it is likely NOT going to get better as your ABILITY is going to get less and less and her drive , as she ages, will climb a little. This IS the natural course of men & women.
That is scaring the heck outta me. I'm hoping it's not true! I can't handle it if it turns out true for both of us!
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WHY in the world doesn't she just use toys !!?? I don't get it. And still, is her beliefs keeping her from getting any kind of counceling , possible medical intervention?
She does when she can't get it, or if she can't make it to work, she calls me up and I go into my office and I end up having phone sex with her. Luckily, I have yet to accidentally press the loudspeaker button!!! Still, at least it saves my ballsacs as I easily fake it.
She's a tad confuddled with her beliefs really, to the point at times she twists them to her benefit, like how a man should love his wife and forfill his 'duty' as she 'does' (in a selfish way). Her friends and her rapport with everyone on her side most probably reassures her that it's my problem and not hers however.
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I see no reason why YOU can not demand those 2 things and walk in it. Set aside a reasonable amount of physical sex (once a day), you would probably be happy with - or 5 -6 times a week. This is so NORMAL , this is SO REASONABLE. It is still ALOT.
She doesn't see it as a problem that's the problem. And we've tried that this year. It was on a healthy 3-4x a week average sometimes spiking to 7x a week when she really gets me going. I could finally orgasm too, with healthy white liquid. Instead of just ejaculating clear fluid.
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This is a "Boundary" issue after all, feeing entitled to this -overstepping in this area, and she is ultimetly destroying you with it , and your relationship!
She needs to read & comprehend about Boundaries for one. And to deal with her own LUST demons.
Hmmm, I think this is part of the problem, she doesn't like the restrictions I placed on her this year. She doesn't like being turned down for any reason, and me turning her down from time to time this year has built up her resentment silently until I had to poke her to get all her frustration out. A part of me regrets it now however, I've opened pandora's box again.
I do not understand why she has the whole world at her side, and that might make her feel better, but they are not in her bedroom, YOU ARE, she needs YOU at her side, not them. This she needs to understand, get a handle on.
Heh, remember that inter-religious crisis we had? Her friends, her church, even her "god", became her army to throw at me so she can have her way with me and make me submit. They are mere pawns, they just don't see it.
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Or let her get a "screw buddy". Seriosuly some peoples situations are out of the box. I know I know, she only wants you - You know they make special order Blow up dolls and you can get a dildo designed after your husband. I am sure it costs an arm & a leg.
I do not know this couple but a friend of ours tells us about a couple they know, the wives sex drive is through the roof, his is not, their answer, she has someone else . He says it has been that way for years , it works for them. Just saying.
She doesn't seem to want to consider alternatives, but I think IF one partner is NOT happy, something needs to change. It needs to be worked out so you both are as "equally happy" as you can get. A lopsided marriage is one headed for trouble.
I've tried so many times and it only serves to make her , so nowadays I only bring it up to get her mad, not to use it as a solution because she would have none of it.
Once again...you meet all of her needs to the point where it distrresses you and she gets pissed off if you ever say No to her. I don't know how you do it. She has a sex addiction. And she gets mad if you won't f*ck her on command. Its sad. Posted via Mobile Device
It seems like she probably has issues with insecurities(based on her history) and she's looking to HIM to make her feel secure with sex at a frantic pace. Until she gets into therapy and starts working through her "stuff", she'll remain dependent on him And it will probably only get worse.
I'm going to try to find a counsellor first, someone who is experienced in dealing with sex addiction in women, and who won't judge me as an "unappreciative bastard". Then going to confront her and weather the tantrums, think we're due for another fight, she's healed up enough milking me for now.
Guess if I don't deal with this now, and risk hurting her. In the future once I'm no longer able to satisfy her, worst may happen.
QUOTE=RandomDude;392721]I'm going to try to find a counsellor first, someone who is experienced in dealing with sex addiction in women, and who won't judge me as an "unappreciative bastard". Then going to confront her and weather the tantrums, think we're due for another fight, she's healed up enough milking me for now.
Guess if I don't deal with this now, and risk hurting her. In the future once I'm no longer able to satisfy her, worst may happen.[/QUOTE]
How about 'I'm not your PFD (personal f**king doll) and when we have sex, I want it to be an expression of our love, not like some Olympic sport. Let's deal with this, it isn't working for me'. How sad for your wife (and you), but how unfulfilled she must be inside.
She needs a new 'hobby'. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry Random Dude - your worse fears - here is something I found on the net trying to describe how it GENERALLY goes
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Balance the seesaw
When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.
If she is that much ahead of you now in your 20's , buddy, this is a Train wreck. YOU MUST get her to agree to Counseling, or you might have to leave, it will end up being 60% bad, 40% good again & worse for you. It's not right. She is not giving anything, or trying to correct her behavior, she has no cares.
Do not make apologies for her anymore. If you know you are being reasonable, you must stand firm and unbending in it. If she wants to continue to pout like a baby -let her!
She is very defective and wants to remain so, to the detriment of her own marriage. She has to be made to see this, even if it hurts and she can't milk you for awhile and you refuse to do the phone sex while you are at work (that is crazy anyway!).
If she is that much ahead of you now in your 20's , buddy, this is a Train wreck.
She is not giving anything, or trying to correct her behavior, she has no cares.
She is very defective and wants to remain so, to the detriment of her own marriage. She has to be made to see this, even if it hurts and she can't milk you for awhile and you refuse to do the phone sex while you are at work (that is crazy anyway!).
That is exactly how I am reading it. She does not give a sh!t about his feelings. It's all about her. To the detriment of their marriage.
The missus is tough to convince, she did everything I expected and more to attempt to worm her way out of this one; she even tried to stroke my ego so I'll stop probing her issues. I kept at it however and finally, war again! She says she's tired of dealing with this and that we shouldn't bring up 'old fights' but I told her it's NOT an old fight and it's not settled. (Funny how she says this because she's at the advantage)
She insisted it's just who she is and she can't change it, then hurt me real bad by telling me that she was wrong to think that I would able to handle her... bah! I just gave her a harsh stare after she said that, and just buggered off for a break. She followed after me and tried to apologise heartily, saying she didn't mean it and blah blah blah.
After she was convinced I calmed down and forgave her she started going on about how it's her "love language" and I go "ITS A FREAKIN SEX ADDICTION!", then she goes on about how she's not addicted to sex, just me and feels hurt that I don't feel the same way or some BS like that, and I had to reassure her of my lovey dovey crap again and remind her that it's not about whether or not I love her - my body just can't take it! Then she told me that her "parts" hurt too but she takes it and got used to it, and then claims it's BS that I say I can't do it because I've done it before (admittedly, a few times before marriage or when we're on holidays), told her it's not BS and that only for short periods of time I can endure 3-4+ times a day, reminding her that it's not a continual thing and it's not 21x a week. Then she told me she endures the pain and I was like "I DONT WANT YOU TO ENDURE THE PAIN", then she reminded me she's "used to it" so I go on about how it's all about her and my needs don't matter.
She claims I'm the one being lazy and unloving when she's the one always trying to make it work PFFFT! We went around in circles and I told her how it almost worked for months and if we could at least reduce it to 7x a week, then she says we have a lot of free time and why "we should spend it together" and that "you don't do anything at work anyway!" (which is kinda true). I questioned her insecurity at that point, questioning whether she's doing this ballsac-milking because she reckons I'm going to cheat again, then she claims she's over it and she trusts me now (oh really?)
After it was obvious we're getting no where soon she gave up and 'agreed' to tone it down to once a day but I told her that I want her to go to counselling regardless because she's just going to build up resentment again like this year and she went berserk yelling that she doesn't need counselling and that she's not going to do it and it's "final", and that I'm trying to run away from my 'responsibility' of forfilling her needs by getting her to counselling and trying to 'fix her'
Bah! We're having a break. This is bloody ridiculous and stupid! Going for a drive methinks...
Turning wives down... 
, so nowadays I only bring it up to get her mad, not to use it as a solution because she would have none of it.
