I need help because I am beyond confused and do not know what to do or how to approach the issue. I have been married for about 2 months now and have dated my wife for about 3 years. I've known for a long time that she has a fairly short fuse but it wasn't often that she was angry with me prior to getting married. But since getting married it seems she gets very irritated with me 3-4 times per week. 90% of the time I don't know why she's mad and many times she gets mad over the most miniscule of things. On our honeymoon, I was driving and she wanted my to pull over to take a picture of something but there were about ten cars behind me and no shoulder on the side of the road so I just kept going. She was upset with me for for several hours after that. Later on that drive, I accidentally hit a bump in the road while she was trying to snap a picture and she got upset by that.
Look up on this forum "fitness test" and how to deal with them.
Everything has to be perfect.
When a woman is being a perfectionist, she is masking insecurity.
I would say her insecurity in particular, now that you are married, is rooted in he emotional and feminine need to see her husband as the kind of man that she feels she does not need to become "motherly" toward.
This happens when two things occur.
1. The things that are your responsibilty as a man, the things that are important and that matter, you take care of from your own drive, direction, leadership, and decision. Being a responsible man, a provider, setting the direction and goals for yourself and yes, your marriage, all of these things that truly matter, you take care of from your own leadership and initiative.
2. You make it crystal clear that you understand and abide by number 1, and do not react or become off balanced by her attempts to be "motherly" toward you, whether it is nagging, throwing a tantrum, fussing, or making ridiculous or irrational demands on you. These are "fitness tests", otherwise called "sh1t tests", and are universal where there are men and women in a sexual relationship. Getting mad at you regarding not pulling over to snap a picture, and especially getting mad at you for hitting the bump, are perfect examples of these irrational demands.
The good man deals with these fitness test just like this, he KNOWS they are fitness tests, is not unbalanced, surprised, nor reacts to them at all as if they are literal.
Instead he reacts often with indifference, or by deflecting or turning them back around on his woman, and especially by using humor and a smile, this is surest way to reassure his woman that he is in control of himself, that he is a strong, confident, dominant man, and she at her core can lower her defenses and rest in his strength.
This is when the perfectionism diminishes, the walls and defenses come down, vulnerability increases, and a woman can enjoy being a woman in the presence of her man.
I try to help her with things but if I'm not doing something exactly the way she wants then she gets upset and tells me to stop and she'll do it herself.
Stop helping so much. You are her husband, not her servant.
Also, be quick to take on some task of your own, and enlist her "help". As a husband, do not be a "helper" more often than you are the one being helped!
As well, I am confident most of these examples you could describe would simply be "fitness tests" of some form or another.
I know I have my faults but I treat her right, I can't recall ever raising my voice in anger or talking down to her.
Good. Always keep your composure and do not let your emotions rule you as a man.
I have a tough time expressing my feelings and don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her how I feel.
Not sure exactly what this is.
Not gushing about feelings is not a bad thing at all, but if you are saying you don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her how you "feel", and really meaning you are lacking the courage or the will to not put up with her nonsense, then you will have a very long and very miserable road in front of you.
I am extremely scared that we won't make it because I love her with every fiber of my being but lately I feel that she doesn't even like me or that I'm just in the way.
My guess is, you love her so much you put her on a pedastal.
If this is true, and I wish it were not for any man in the world, then expect nothing less than continued resentment on top of resentment, and watching the sad transformation of a formerly loving and sexual woman continue to evolve into a nagging, harpy b1tch.
This is ALWAYS the case when a man puts his woman on a pedastal!
A woman wants to be in a relationship with a man, not a boy, not a servant, but a man.
So all the behaviors that are like a boy, or like a servant, put these behaviors off. (These behaviors are sadly built in anytime a man puts a woman on a pedastal.)
And put on instead behaviors of a good man, a good man with strong opinions, decisive direction, amitious goals, who commands respect, enforces firm boundries, and yes, has deep and dark sexual desires, and have the boldness and courage to pursue his desires with all the mettle he is made of.
I didn't have a very loving childhood. Nothing was ever good enough and was always getting yelled at. I was a damn good kid, stayed out of trouble, made good grades. If I made a 95 on a test I never heard "I'm proud of you or good job," all I heard was "why didn't you make a higher grade."
I hear what you are saying.
But I will say this for your benefit, do NOT expect, require, or ever deliberately seek out validation as a man from your wife.
This can ONLY come from within you, and should only come from within you.
Only then is the definite shift in relationship behavior, from reacting to relationship situations like a child or a boy (ie, worrying about some "sh1t test" or whether your wife is upset about some trivial thing), and being a proactive leader and setting the direction like a responsible man (seeing sh1t tests with confident amusement, demonstrating your masculine mettle).
A man seeking a woman's approval, a woman will QUICKLY resent that attribute in a man, she will NOT be attracted to that attribute, she WILL be repulsed by that attribute, and will manifest insecurity, perfectionism, nagging, and "sh1t test" after "sh!t test" after "sh1t test"!
My initial reaction is to shut down and not want to talk because I don't like confrontation and conflict.
Without conflict in a relationship, there will be no respect.
With no respect, there will be no sexual attraction.
Without sexual attraction, there will be instead resentment, insecurity, nagging, perfectionism, leading just as a wedge to raising emotional defenses, and eventual emotional isolation.
Listen, Bgrice and all other men reading this, CONFLICT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND CONCERNING WOMEN!
No other way will a women ever see the mettle of her man than to see him handle a challenge.
Whether that challenge is excelling at a sport, mastering a musical instrument or art form, physical strength, social excellence, leading other men, or passing a sh1t test, it is ALL CONFLICT, and a man handling CONFLICT commands RESPECT!
And respect is the foundation of any and all attraction, and no less than sexual attraction, which is hand and glove to emotional connection and vulnerability in a woman to the man that excites her in this very way.
All good men reading this, EMBRACE Conflict!
I know there is no way around it but to tell her how this makes me feel
"Talking about feelings", not the number one way to go about this. Not at all.
Passing fitness test, with humor, confidence, and likewise, learning not only to embrace conflict, but enjoying actively seeking it out and meeting it headlong, this is the way to getting where you are wanting to be as a man in a sexual relationship with a woman.
but I don't know exactly how to approach it because I don't want to hurt her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You won't hurt her. She is not made of glass. Take her off the pedastal and understand this last point.
She WANTS to see you stand up to her.
Nothing on earth would make her happier right now. Take that to the bank.
I wish you well.