Wasn't until I saw my own pattern that I made a conscious decision to date (and marry) the nicest most boring guy I could find.
Like that girl I like boredom now. Very soothing, predicatable, calm and peaceful.
I love this.
Originally Posted by RandomDude
I just find a strange that if I actually met someone who is a normal good girl, I'm not attracted. If they are nuts or psycho however, I go "hmmmm, interesting"... what gives?
You are addicted to drama. You probably need chaos and turmoil to feel good on some level, even if it's adversely affecting you. Perhaps you thrive on it, or you feel you need that edge in order for your life to feel "normal." The thing is, it isn't normal and it's very unhealthy. I agree with the other poster who said it sounds like you have poor boundaries which is why you have let your wife walk all over you and treat you the way she has, letting all of her needs get met while you suffer. It's toxic.
Heh still I got married to a psycho. Nonetheless I'm lucky she has some sane parts to her. As for my tolerance for abuse, it's just the sex, I didn't expect to have to enforce boundaries in this manner. I never expected her to turn out to be a selfish nympho.
Her spoiled behaviour last year however and previously due to lack of boundaries though, was a different matter, and I was definitely simply too nice. Once she showed her bad side of trying to get me to bend knee I clamped down a lot - hurt her yet made her realise there's a limit of how far I can be pushed. Yet she still seems to ride around my fortress for a chink in the wall. Difficult to handle at times.
But yes... I somehow ironically prefer this to having a nice boring good girl. I also seem to be able to be more empathic to psycho women, yet I can't even relate to good girls. I kept ditching them in the past within days or weeks because they bored me lol.
I don't know... However it has come the point in my life that I like the fun but when it's tedious like now (sex issue going on for YEARS), it definitely does get toxic. Some games are fun, others just hurt. We're now approaching our 30s too.
EDIT: Actually... come to think of it, looking back, a few good girls - were frightened of me being a man who came from the streets and all that. Some tried to mummy me though which I hated, don't like them trying to change who I am. A lot judged me, probably another reason why I kept going for psychos, because they unlike good girls - judged me for my present not my past.
Maybe that self-reflection is a road you want to go down in your IC... It seems to me that you and your wife have a pretty well established cycle of "fighting and fvcking". Sex is the band aid or the distraction for everything. Should she actually participate in therapy and work on resolving her issues, that dynamic is going to change dramatically and you're going to have to adapt to a lot less drama too. Either way, I really hope you guys get this stuff resolved before your daughter gets old enough to think that relationships are supposed to be like yours is....
I wonder if how you refer to a "good girl" is the same as Deej and I were talking about in another thread about "nice guys."
The jist was that nice guys aren't the same as doormats. People can be nice and not a doormat. So are youreferring to the doormats as "good girls?" Because they are different things... a woman who is healthy and stable and accountable --is that was a "good girl" is to you?
Originally Posted by COGypsy
Either way, I really hope you guys get this stuff resolved before your daughter gets old enough to think that relationships are supposed to be like yours is....
Well, the missus at first seemed healthy, emotionally/mentally stable, and mature -> with a history ("normal" people don't have histories like me or her lol), and a bit of an adventurous rebellious spirit, which I was attracted to - she was complex. But I guess I bit off more then I could chew however, she's more manipulative than I expected her to be. A real joy when she's on my side, a pain in the ass when she starts annoying me however.