08-25-2011, 05:06 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | Re: Importance of consistency
From what you've described in your posts though, I wouldn't really say that you have "boundaries" and "compromises". You give in until you can't any more and then you blow up and draw a line in the sand. Then once you make up, you give in again and again until well...
An effective boundary in a healthy relationship isn't something that generally has to be diligently protected. If you respect yourself in the relationship as much as the other person, it's not really a big deal to be able to advocate for your own interests.
Compromise isn't the same as indulgence or giving in--at least not every time. And it shouldn't add up to someone else thinking that you don't mean what you say or you having to wall yourself in when things have crossed a line.
Maybe think of it this way, like a little kid and bedtime.
As things are now, you're letting this little kid stay up all hours of the night until YOU'RE tired and then getting mad when they're up running around while you're ready to collapse into bed.
Instead, the way it ought to be would be something like bedtime is 8:30, but we can compromise and go to bed at 8:45 after we finish our game. Then we still have a reasonable bedtime, but we don't have to stop in the middle of the fun to accomplish it.
The only boundary that you've enforced with your wife is "enough"....everything else has been a cave-in, not a compromise because she's getting exactly what she wants right up until that line. Then she knows that all she has to do is weather your blow-up and in a little while it'll be back to business as usual. Not a big price to pay, really.