It's been a while... I logged into my account and saw a lovely message from a regular poster asking how I was so I thought I'd pop on here and update.
My threads are here
for a (very long!) history... Basically my OH (we're not married but had planned to this year) after a few difficulties in our relationship, had an "inappropriate relationship" with a girl he worked with. Didn't know what he wanted. Messed me about
: a lot: and our four children, one of whom was (and still is!) a baby, was five months old at the time.
Broke no contact, I kicked him out.
After that... He moved back in, and we tentatively resumed things. I won't lie, it has been VERY difficult. We started counselling, and initially he was not that interested in being there, and I couldn't seem to make any headway moving forward. I was consumed with thinking he'd lied about things and was still lying. It was slow progress.
However... Fast forward to now. Things, I can safely say, are REALLY good. Better, in fact, than they've ever been! He really took on board a lot of the things we worked on in counselling to make our relationship stronger. He was intent on making things better once he realised he could do things that reassured me and made me feel more secure about the fact he wasn't carrying things on. He has a hell of a lot of patience; I'm not without my faults and found it difficult to open up and not do the "I'm okay" thing when he asked me if anything was wrong.
Yes, I worked on me too. Started going to the gym, and still going. Have lost over a stone and still going, I was never that out of shape but having not long had a baby it really helped to get more trim and I've been getting a lot of attention, which OH has noticed. I also worked on my self-confidence and esteem, and both OH and the counsellor have said they have noticed my confidence and me finding my voice.
We've been spending more time together, just us two, which has been great!
The upshot of this all? Well, now HE is talking about wedding plans, and he was the one stalling previously! We're looking at going away in December time, just me and him, and getting married.
I suppose that's the only slightly iffy thing about this all... I was dead keen on getting married. He had been dragging his feet, we made plans for this year, then all this happened. He said it was stupid to even think about it with what had happened. Now, he's the complete opposite. Says he has no idea why he'd been putting it off and he loves the idea.
Oh I think he's genuine. But I must admit I can't help not being as keen on the idea as I was. Treading carefully and all that. What has happened has really taken the shine out of it. Call me a big kid, but I will confess to feeling sad that my memories around getting married will be of him doing what he did then obviously racing to the altar because he's realised I might quite like the attention from elsewhere and get a better offer, or I might just get fed up and leave. I know I'm probably silly to want a bit of romance around it and it is what it is, but still... just something not tainted with what he did would be nice. But hey, what's done is done and I choose to be here...
Hopefully time will take the edge off, but he has worked really hard to support me and do what he can to help me mend.