just recently broke up with my girlfiend that i was living with for 2 years after she cheated on me i dont know how many times...she lied to me constantly even when i knew the truth about what she was upto...i now have so many trust issues i dont think i could ever fully trust another woman again..
i need some advice on how to move on and get her out of my head cause for some stupid reason i still love her..even tho there is no way i would ever go back with her..
What have u guys done to get over someone that u realy loved?
and i dont mean sleep with someone else..tho i know that would kinda help but not realy a cure
Recognize that your infatuation and trust issues are yours. You own them. Sucks that you got hurt, but what you choose to do with it, says far more about you as a person.
Don't wallow. Go do stuff. Either the things you used to do prior to the girlfriend, or find some new things.
Don't blame the species.
Do more active research on the species. You weren't the guy for her. She wasn't the girl for you ... Certainly not if she's sleeping with other guys.
Plenty of information here. Any questions, just ask. Posted via Mobile Device
I sure hope you don't get blasted for this "species" comment but I will say this....
Not all women cheat.....
I believe (and I've heard this over and over) that cheating isn't the problem, it's a symptom. Something wasn't right...be thankful you weren't in a 20 year relationship and it ended....imagine how messed up I am!
BUT! I get up everyday, I go to work and I try to enjoy life. Trust me, we don't know how long we have on earth, so try and enjoy your life....you will get through this!
Why would you want someone who treated you that way? HUH? Exactly
I am truly sorry about what she did to you..that being sad, women get cheated on just as much, maybe more, than men do. My H had an EA, so I know how much it hurts...cheating isn't gender specific...
Generalizing when you'er hurt is a normal human reaction and is a way to adapt for a short period of time while your head clears. I dont think you will continue to distrust all women. As you recover and think about the relationship, there might have been read flags that you ignored early in the relationship. Was she dishonest in her dealings with people, self centered, did she disceave you about derails of her background?
Knowledge is power so read all you can about relationships and how men and women are like in them. You will become more decerning. Also plan to date at lest 10 women before committing to one. Be honest and be yourself. Honesty is important because what you do will eventually come back to you, good and bad.
Just take this period to get your bearings and think about what happened and pick out the red flags. They are always there, just need to recognize them. Next time will be better, you'll pick the right woman for you. Another thing to think about - do you love the person she really is or the person you hopped she was? It was probably the former, the real person is probably not someone you would fall in love with. She is deceptive and does not seem worth any investment of emotions. Best of luck. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry to hear about the cheating. Cheating is something that has gotten out of control - it goes both ways - women and men cheat almost the same amount these days.
But yes, life is short. Be grateful that you found out the kind of person she is before you got married and it happens somewhere down the line.
After I divorced my ex-wife, my problem was not so much losing faith in women but losing faith in my ability to judge a woman's character.
You may find this interesting
Quote:
“How to Judge a Person’s Character” by Marius Panzarella.
The biggest mistake a person can make is to get into a relationship (be it business, personal, or romantic) with the wrong person. You can literally ruin your own life.
So how can you tell if a person is trouble or not? Here are some tips on how to judge a person’s character before getting involved with them.
1) Look at who their friends are
The first thing you should do is to look at who their friends are. As I have mentioned in the past, you can judge a person’s character by looking at their choice of friends.
Don’t believe me? Do the “Rule of 5”* test and you’ll see how true this is!
*You can judge a person’s character 99% of the time by looking at the five closest people they associate themselves
with.
2) Look at their past actions
Call me cynical, but I find that 90% of the time, you can judge a person by looking at their past history. As I always say, “once a liar, always a liar.” A person who has gone through 17 ex-girlfriends or boyfriends is NOT going to think that YOU are “the one” for long.
3) Look at their actions, not their words
While you are judging their actions, make sure you don’t fall prey to the victim stories that people with character problems always invent for themselves. Guys, don’t just believe ALL three of her ex-husband were abusive jerks. Ladies, don’t believe he’s “trying” to stop his bad habits.
As I always say, actions don’t lie, words do!
4) Look at how they treat other people
People with bad character tend to be self-centered. They may put you at first (more like pretend to put you at first) when they see a benefit, but as soon as they benefit is gone, they will start treating you like dirt. So rather than judging a person based on how they treat you while they still have something they want from you, judge them based on how they treat people that are not so useful to them.
5) Look for lies or exaggerations
Look for lies or exaggerations. See if their stories match up. Use your head and turn that B.S. detector on!
6) Look for addictions
Look for addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, and prostitution. Many people with character problems have one kind of dependency or another.
7) Look at their attitude towards life
Look at how the person looks at the world. See if they like blaming the world instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. See if they are so negative that they resent everything and everyone around them. (Stay AWAY if that’s the case!)
8) Look at their beliefs and whether their actions are congruent with their beliefs.
Finally, look at a person’s beliefs and see if they belong to a train wreck. But don’t just look at their beliefs. Follow the “actions, not words” rule and see if their actions are CONGRUENT with their beliefs. That’s where a lot of people fail!
Some people lie. Some are habitual and compulsive liars. She sounds like one. I am guessing you are quite young because if you were not I would assume you would have experience of these kinds of people. I went out with a man at 16, he lied constantly, cheated on me in the most horrible way, absolutely digraceful behaviour. You would be shocked at what he did if I put it down here. But he was my education in bulls*it detection. After him, I could spot it a mile off. it doesn't mean I never got hurt again, doesn't mean I never met another sh*t of a man, hence I am here, bit it did mean I never went for another person like him. Can't even associate with people like him now. He was truly awful. People like him though are NEVER happy! How can they be happy if they behave like that. And how can they be happy if they can never be close to someone. She will never have a close loving relationship, will never experience that, because to be close to someone is to be honest with them. And to care. She will probably never really care for anyone. How sad.
BTW I am a woman. And I am totally honest. Not brutally so, but definitely a bit too honest sometimes. I am in touch with my feelings too. There4, my partner, my friends, anyone who knows me, knows that my word is true, knows exactly where they stand. And there4 can completely and utterly trust me. And if they cannot trust me, I would tell them so, there4, they know exactly where they stand. Easy.
Easy for me. But not so easy for others. Life is an education, just make sure you use it as such. Otherwise, what is the point.
Don't even bother with her. And get over her by going on dates and finding someone better, going out with friends. People who do actually care for you. That 10 different people to go out with is good advice too (above) I wish someone had told me that when I was young. Helps you know what you want from a person. And what you don't want.
Let your anger and hurt channel into positive emotions. Use that energy to go work out, work on a hobby, get out of the house.
She cheated on you many times because you were a door mat. She introduced the risk of disease in to your relationship. That should piss you off.
She came to your bed after banging one out with some other piece of trash. Why would you want that in your life?
It is not "all women" you have a trust issue with. It is yourself, because you made bad decisions. Don't blame people you don't know and haven't met yet for your bad choices.
Learn to make better choices and you'll be surprised how much better the people you meet will be. Learn not to be a doormat. Learn why you chose a broken girl in the first place.
Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
Along with Kim, one of his best writings.
I once bought a book of Kipling's previously unpublished works...and then I realized, yes, that's why they're unpublished...
The other stanza that I profoundly am realizing some truth in, at my point in life:
She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.
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losing faith in the female species 
