Love Bank vs. Nice Guy - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
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Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

So, I was explaining the concept of The Love Bank to my wife, when I began to wonder if the Love Bank concept was a codification of the Nice Guy philosophy.

Now it's not a perfect fit because the marriage builders philosophy also makes public the needs of each partner, but at its' core it seems to be based on that same Nice Guy belief, that if I do the right things she will love me?
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:34 PM
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

The Love Bank to me emphasizes Beat traits. Having an over abundance of Beta traits without enough Alpha traits does result in a Nice Guy in my opinion.

That said having good Beta traits is absolutely essential.
I think the Love Bank concept is fine.

You just have to have that balancing Alpha to go along with it.

Try out www.marriedmansexlife.com

Last edited by Entropy3000; 09-02-2011 at 01:47 PM.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

I don't remember the Love Bank emphasizing beating!

(sorry)

I wonder though if some of those Alpha traits wouldn't be listed as love busters?

You know the more I think about it the more I think the whole Marriage Builders philosophy seems at odds with the Man up philosophy.

I often find this dichotomy within my-self as I try to apply principles from both in my relationship.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:49 PM
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

I think they complement each other and it's too easy to get hung up on labels.

If you had every alpha trait in the book, but lacked little empathy or concern for what your spouse needs out of the relationship, what would that get you? Not a very happy marriage, likely.

If you met every emotional need of your spouse but they lacked respect for you, what would that get you? Not a very happy marriage, likely.

It takes BOTH people being willing to meet each OTHER'S NEEDS to make a marriage truly WORK. And both of those people need to have a healthy level of respect - for themself, for their partner, and for the marriage, imho.

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:53 PM
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatWhere View Post
I don't remember the Love Bank emphasizing beating!

(sorry)

I wonder though if some of those Alpha traits wouldn't be listed as love busters?

You know the more I think about it the more I think the whole Marriage Builders philosophy seems at odds with the Man up philosophy.

I often find this dichotomy within my-self as I try to apply principles from both in my relationship.
The Alpha traits are the ones that make you more attractive to her. Not talking about thug traits. Talking about confidence.

If she is not into you I could see you trying to be Alpha and indeed creating Love Busters. But if she is into you they won't. Kinda like how some women say, "that was not haraasment because he was cute". Go figure.

Anyway this does take a certain amount of finesse but if you over think it you are too Beta.

As they say when you are learning to ride a bike. Do not focus on the hole you are approaching. You will fall into it. Focus on where you are going and you won't be pulled off track. Focus on positive Alpha and Beta traits. That does not mean walking on eggshells. Be confident. Not an @$$hole. There is a difference.

You are seeking an optimal balance. That balance evolves and changes over time.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:54 PM
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatWhere View Post
I don't remember the Love Bank emphasizing beating!

(sorry)

I wonder though if some of those Alpha traits wouldn't be listed as love busters?

You know the more I think about it the more I think the whole Marriage Builders philosophy seems at odds with the Man up philosophy.

I often find this dichotomy within my-self as I try to apply principles from both in my relationship.
Where does "Manning up" advocate emotional outbursts and disrespectul judgements?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 05:50 PM
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Re: Love Bank vs. Nice Guy

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Originally Posted by Enchantment View Post
I think they complement each other and it's too easy to get hung up on labels.

If you had every alpha trait in the book, but lacked little empathy or concern for what your spouse needs out of the relationship, what would that get you? Not a very happy marriage, likely.

If you met every emotional need of your spouse but they lacked respect for you, what would that get you? Not a very happy marriage, likely.

It takes BOTH people being willing to meet each OTHER'S NEEDS to make a marriage truly WORK. And both of those people need to have a healthy level of respect - for themself, for their partner, and for the marriage, imho.
Love your posts.
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