09-23-2011, 05:05 PM
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#166 (permalink)
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| Member
Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Shangri La
Posts: 158
|  Re: do you think some women force a man to cheat
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Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes  The definitions you gave as to cheating don't apply to marriage though. Cheating in marriage means infidelity. | You insist on the narrow definition of "cheat". We'll have to agree to disagree. Quote:
Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes Also nobody said the betrayer was a saint, I sure didn't.
Lastly, you keep saying "she" as if "he" would never do this.
My husband did and he did it because he resented the hell out of me.
I go back to my post on another thread, resentment is the root of all sexless marriages, barring physical reasons. Get to the root of the resentment and your sex life improves. | Your point is well taken. Quote:
Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes Well I for one don't think an open marriage is a good thing. I simply said it is an option if both are on board. In your friends case, the ex-wife can hardly say she was cheated on if she gave permission in advance. | Yet she did! The potential for blowback like this is one of several reasons why I believe open marriage is no better than outright cheating. Quote:
Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes Also, there is saying that the cheater is 100% responsible for their CHOICE to cheat and the couple is 50% responsible for the breakdown in the marriage. You won't find many here there that own their share, sadly. Read about the husbands saying my wife doesn't want sex and it all rings the same. I do everything, she does nothing...she still doesn't want sex. Do you really think that is the honest truth? One wears a halo and the other horns?
It all boils down to two sides to every story and it was interesting to read when a few wives of "sexless men" came on here and the story was markedly different. That may have been the case with your friends wife, maybe not, I am just saying it is a possibility.
You mention fertile ground for infidelity and a wife needs to own that. By your own statement, then the person not getting sex needs to own their share of why they aren't.
Also, you say "she" in every part of your post. Read around here, it's balanced among the sexes. Plenty of wives here are in sexless marriages too and yes we need to own our contribution to that to. | If I appear to imply that the fertile ground leading to the cheating was entirely the betrayed spouse's responsibility, I never meant that. I've always said BOTH parties need to own responsibility for their part in what happened. And that includes the circumstances that led to the moment of betrayal. Yes that will be full of he this and she that, both parties will have to really "hear" the other party's pain in the aftermath if any reconciliation will be possible. Or better yet "hear" what it takes to get across to the other party LONG before it happens.
Yes I said "she", but you are right it could just as easily be "he". It's just I'm not very politically correct that way. So let it be known when I say withholding spouse and betraying spouse, they could be either sex and everyone is free to substitute "he" for "she" and vice versa in all my previous statements and still get the point I'm trying to get across here: that there are NO saints on either side.
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well said
