There doesn't seem to be a lot of threads on verbally abusive wife's and not a lot of info online.
This was interesting and discouraging to read Your Verbally Abusive Wife, What Can You Do? - HealthyPlace
I have not been on the forum long but have read some good stuff, especially about the fitness testing.
So I am curious what you all have to say about dealing with a verbally abusive wife.
In my situation about half the time my wife is very cold natured and abrupt, abrasive about things. If we are talking about something that we need to decide on and she wants to do one thing and I want to do another I can try to explain why it is a good idea to do one thing and about 75% of the time she will start to get very cold and abrasive pushing what she wants to do and won't give me a chance to even explain my perspective. I think this is a manipulation tactic and I find it very irritating.
We do have plenty of times were we get along and enjoy being around each other but it seems like those times are getting fewer and farther away. This has been going on for many years.
The main part I am having a hard time dealing with is the attacks and insults she will dish out any time we are in an argument or debate that she is losing. Some times it is light and some times very brutal, insulting my mother that has past away brutal.
For example, I work a side job and my employer gave me a gift card for Christmas. I told them thank you very much. My wife bought a gift card for them that has been sitting in a drawer for weeks, I found it and asked what it was for, she said to give a gift back to the side employer. I said it has been several weeks so I would be embarrassed to give it to them now (Keep in mind I work several hours through the year for free for them) since so much time has passed.
(I took the test by Gary Chapman and the one where you value kind words and affection where the highest, of course
This devolved into a argument with me stating it was stupid to give the gift so long after the fact to her insulting me in every way possible, I work my butt off constantly to try and provide a better future for us (no kids yet), from insulting me that I am trying to build a business and it is working out great (seriously), to saying I can't provide financially which I do very well, on to insulting my parents and problems that she unfortunately heard about, to insulting my passed away mother. Lines were crossed that should never be crossed. As well as some other things I am leaving out that are hurtful. This type of scenario happens about once a 1/4, but lesser intensity things go on all the time, weekly or bi-weekly.
What scares me is today I am very calm and at peace on once side and thinking of different options like separation or divorce. It is such a shame to throw away 18 years of marriage but what can someone do to fix this kind of problem or does it get to a point to where there is nothing that can fix it?
I do not want to get divorced but I also do not want to be 60 years old with a wife that verbally abuses me every time she doesn't get her way or is just in a bad mood.
I am kind of liking the option of getting separated for 3-6 months, just so tired of dealing with constant stress and issues like the one mentioned above I think it would be a nice break to just not have to deal with this stuff all the time, usually about every week or two similar things come up in varying degrees.
When I have brought it up in the past she usually makes suggestions that she knows won't fly like me staying with my dad that doesn't have internet access and she knows good and well that wont work since I work from home many days and deal with our business online. I know she would also be very embarrassed for her friends and family to know we are separated which is the main reason I have not pursued it more in the past when things like this happen.