Hey , I'm a newbie poster, but read here from time to time.
This is another "girls' night out type" thread. Don't wanna type so much stuff that it makes no sense, wandering, and confusing readers, so I'll try to stay concise and give enough info.
I'm not a gambler, but used to player poker with high school friends back in high school days for fun. My wife was never a gambler, never did any of that in the first 19 years of marriage, but since 2006 it has become increasingly frequent. So did the "girl's night out" stuff after our only child left for college in 2005.
I'd always been ok with the night out stuff until the hours at which she returned home and the level of intoxification steadily increased. I wound up laying down some rules about that because years before, early in our marraige, she had done the same to me. It is odd how our roles seemed to reverse from what went on in early marriage and what goes on in late/current marriage.
We have our money, she has her money, and I have my money. She did save up for her trip. Funds are tight and I'm always putting my funds into our funds or helping out our daughter pay student loans for the job she now has that she went to college for.
I honestly can't remember the last time that we, my wife and I, went away for a vacation. I'm thinking 2002, but we took our daughter and her friend with us for a weekend. We do go out for afternoons, but this summer her weekend afternoons were filled with working a second job to pay for these get-aways or lunch type events with the "girls".
I've tried taking her out to local Native American run casinos around here. It's not a "we" thing. She goes her way to machines and tells me do the same. I don't get it. I asked, "Is this what you gals do? She said, yes". I played some then wandered about to find her at the bar chatting it up with the type of women that that look they are enjoying the men looking and hitting on them.
When she returns from Atlantic City, I'm will suggest we both put $10 a week away for our 25th anniversry in May of 2012. Not a large sum of cash but it should give me an inkling of what she thinks of us and where her priorities lie.
When we first got married and had our child, I gave up college and took a factory job. She worked part time and went to college. That paid off in her getting a good job then a career. Perhaps I'm resentful that I didn't get to complete college and went through a string of factory jobs and layoffs. Now-a-days I'm the "Yardman" with my truck and lawn care one-man-business. I'm also the fix-it-man for the two apartment houses we own.
As I mentioned before it does seem odd how we seemed to reverse roles in our marraige as time passed. When I was young and working mad overtime at the hot factories I liked to go out with boys on friday nights. She didn't appreciate that. Now I'm at home on friday and she is out with the girls after her waitressing job ended at 10 pm. Got home about 1am
This does not sound good to me. You two need to be spending 10-15 hours per week TOGETHER doing things you both enjoy for fun. Your marriage now has a second wind with your daughter grown, and you two need to be having fun together.
There is a huge chance that she is seeking attention from other men, and you should be filling her need for pleasure. Plan activities together. Your gut is telling you that this is wrong: listen to it.
This does not sound good to me. You two need to be spending 10-15 hours per week TOGETHER doing things you both enjoy for fun. Your marriage now has a second wind with your daughter grown, and you two need to be having fun together.
There is a huge chance that she is seeking attention from other men, and you should be filling her need for pleasure. Plan activities together. Your gut is telling you that this is wrong: listen to it.
Right. 2002!? And then it was not you guys alone.
The GNO and the GNO vacations to "sin cities" are red flags sure but I cannot even get to those because the fact is you guys are not bonding together as a couple. That makes the rest very dangerous.
Getting increasingly drunk on her part speaks for itself. Wives behaving badly. I would say the same thing if the husband was doing this. She is waitressing until 10pm and then goes out to bars. "Hey honey, what time do you get off comes to mind." Not saying this happens but that is a cliche that plays itself out in the real real world often enough. maybe this is does not happen often.
That said if I had a day job and my wife worked in the evenings it would be imperative for the marriage for the partners to make the most of the time they have together. My wife and I were on different shifts for a while and it was not good for our marriage.
Thanks for the congrats on child. Glad she landed a job in her field
Wife left this afternoon for waitress job and is then taking off to Atlantic City with 2 other women that work there. Will be coming back Thursday. It's about an eight hour drive. Not sure why are driving this time, as all other trips were by airplane.
Yeah, I've thought about showing up but don't have the time for the road trip. I do plan on checking out what is going on next time a local night out is scheduled that raises red flags in my head. Friend of mine told me I could borrow his vehicle if I want to. It's very inconspicuous compared to my old truck
Thanks for the congrats on child. Glad she landed a job in her field
Wife left this afternoon for waitress job and is then taking off to Atlantic City with 2 other women that work there. Will be coming back Thursday. It's about an eight hour drive. Not sure why are driving this time, as all other trips were by airplane.
Yeah, I've thought about showing up but don't have the time for the road trip. I do plan on checking out what is going on next time a local night out is scheduled that raises red flags in my head. Friend of mine told me I could borrow his vehicle if I want to. It's very inconspicuous compared to my old truck
Might not be a bad idea to charge the airplane ticket for this to a CC if u lack the time to drive. I agree with the others, there are too many flags going off here.
Thanks for the congrats on child. Glad she landed a job in her field
Wife left this afternoon for waitress job and is then taking off to Atlantic City with 2 other women that work there. Will be coming back Thursday. It's about an eight hour drive. Not sure why are driving this time, as all other trips were by airplane.
Yeah, I've thought about showing up but don't have the time for the road trip. I do plan on checking out what is going on next time a local night out is scheduled that raises red flags in my head. Friend of mine told me I could borrow his vehicle if I want to. It's very inconspicuous compared to my old truck
A little too much apathy my friend. Sorry. When we take the there is always tomorrow attitude we time just passes us by.
why not just ask her point blank? be very serious and tell her you deserve to know if she is seeking something you cannot or have not provided her. i have asked my wife, she answered with undeniable NO. I know her and she cannot lie to me, if she did i would see right through it.
start planning your next vacation wothout her. save your pennies on the side then just plan a vacation maybe vagas.
what happens in vagas stays in vagas
Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind a few times. I'm sure I'd spend more time @ Hover Dam or renting a car to drive up towards area 51
I asked her to call when she got there safe and sound. My cell rang as I was mowing lawn 3 today (about 11am). Looked @ the # and didn't pick it up. My initial instinct would have been to shut my rider mower off so I could hear her and talk, but I've been reading some here and decided, to just let it ring and listen to the message after I was done with my client's property.
First thnig I noticed was that I didn't hear the "Ra-Ho" cheering that I'd heard in the past when she called on a tram from airport to casino. Second thing I noticed was one her friends respnding to what she said, wish it was more clearly audabile, and that the message was a "matter of fact...yeah, we got here ok".
I'm glad I'm not where I was three years ago with this stuff, but disappointed that the results of her hours of work @ a second job are this. I don't totally understnd the importance of it. Years ago, my friends and I went to hunt deer @ a location in the Adirondacks that involed a long week end.
We would leave on Friday and head home on Monday. I was the only gyt that bagged a buck there, 3 out of four years Most just got drunk at camp and never entered the forest (probably a good thing.. drunk in the woods that is). Yes, it was nice to be away from home, I called every evening from the SUNY school phone, which I repaid to my friend who was an alumni and secured the alumni house for the weekend.
Just saying that is strange how things have reversed for us. She used to say, Why can't you go hunting around here? It costs too much money to go up there hunting." I gotta wonder what she is hunting now...
Sex is ok, gone thru ups and downs... Maybe it's the caveman in me, probably a better term for it, but I pursured and made mad love to her before she left.
Three years ago a friend had a son working in AC, We recruited him to observe or get info, they were not @ his place of employment and he was mad busy working.. What he said about these type of get-a-ways could go either way.
From what I know about who she is with.... One is the restaurant owner, her husband a retired dea agent, the other is a waiteress all her life, husband is just an average joe like me. Never spent much time with any of her girl friends. That is a red flag, but how do I go about it stealthy?
Wife's main job is a manager for a vending service. She has like 10 guys and 1 woman working for her. She used to be home@ 6pm or so, but this summer due to her commitment to the waiterss job, she is home late when not waitressing for party money. That is the reason why she is home late...gotta do the book work I didn"t have time fo when the the other jobs calls. Often offers to pick up go-out-food, sometimes I take her up and have a movie waiting. I often wait....
. This is the area I will put my attenton @. Just show up in my bud's car, park in the other lot, and see what happens. There have been a few times she returned at dusk, 9pm mid summer, and seemed a bit buzzed for just picking up a fish fry and having a few drinks.
I'm glad the days of returning home @ 3am and later are over. Never would have had a problem with that unless she had not told me "friends" hubbies are controlloing and how happy she was I wasn't. I was working 3rd shift a factory at the time.
That was like 2004. Over half of them, waiteress friends @ the time are divorced now. 4 of 6 from the restaurant. I gotta think working at the restaurant is toxic for our relationship. Have told her that, and did shut down her working at a bar they, the restuarant owners, have at a local motel chain. Nope, that didn't last a month, don't actualy think it was do to my objections, just that the tips sucked.
Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind a few times. I'm sure I'd spend more time @ Hover Dam or renting a car to drive up towards area 51
I asked her to call when she got there safe and sound. My cell rang as I was mowing lawn 3 today (about 11am). Looked @ the # and didn't pick it up. My initial instinct would have been to shut my rider mower off so I could hear her and talk, but I've been reading some here and decided, to just let it ring and listen to the message after I was done with my client's property.
First thnig I noticed was that I didn't hear the "Ra-Ho" cheering that I'd heard in the past when she called on a tram from airport to casino. Second thing I noticed was one her friends respnding to what she said, wish it was more clearly audabile, and that the message was a "matter of fact...yeah, we got here ok".
I'm glad I'm not where I was three years ago with this stuff, but disappointed that the results of her hours of work @ a second job are this. I don't totally understnd the importance of it. Years ago, my friends and I went to hunt deer @ a location in the Adirondacks that involed a long week end.
We would leave on Friday and head home on Monday. I was the only gyt that bagged a buck there, 3 out of four years Most just got drunk at camp and never entered the forest (probably a good thing.. drunk in the woods that is). Yes, it was nice to be away from home, I called every evening from the SUNY school phone, which I repaid to my friend who was an alumni and secured the alumni house for the weekend.
Just saying that is strange how things have reversed for us. She used to say, Why can't you go hunting around here? It costs too much money to go up there hunting." I gotta wonder what she is hunting now...
Sex is ok, gone thru ups and downs... Maybe it's the caveman in me, probably a better term for it, but I pursured and made mad love to her before she left.
Three years ago a friend had a son working in AC, We recruited him to observe or get info, they were not @ his place of employment and he was mad busy working.. What he said about these type of get-a-ways could go either way.
From what I know about who she is with.... One is the restaurant owner, her husband a retired dea agent, the other is a waiteress all her life, husband is just an average joe like me. Never spent much time with any of her girl friends. That is a red flag, but how do I go about it stealthy?
Wife's main job is a manager for a vending service. She has like 10 guys and 1 woman working for her. She used to be home@ 6pm or so, but this summer due to her commitment to the waiterss job, she is home late when not waitressing for party money. That is the reason why she is home late...gotta do the book work I didn"t have time fo when the the other jobs calls. Often offers to pick up go-out-food, sometimes I take her up and have a movie waiting. I often wait....
. This is the area I will put my attenton @. Just show up in my bud's car, park in the other lot, and see what happens. There have been a few times she returned at dusk, 9pm mid summer, and seemed a bit buzzed for just picking up a fish fry and having a few drinks.
I'm glad the days of returning home @ 3am and later are over. Never would have had a problem with that unless she had not told me "friends" hubbies are controlloing and how happy she was I wasn't. I was working 3rd shift a factory at the time.
That was like 2004. Over half of them, waiteress friends @ the time are divorced now. 4 of 6 from the restaurant. I gotta think working at the restaurant is toxic for our relationship. Have told her that, and did shut down her working at a bar they, the restuarant owners, have at a local motel chain. Nope, that didn't last a month, don't actualy think it was do to my objections, just that the tips sucked.
Ok, so if she is out late "for party money" as you say and then she goes out to bars to party, you have troubles my friend.
Ok, so if she is out late "for party money" as you say and then she goes out to bars to party, you have troubles my friend.
It was worse after our daughter left the nest. I understood where her head was then, hoped she would see things for herself, had to give her a wake up call....repeatedly...
Until I have concrete proof, I'll give her just give her enough rope to do as she pleases. I'll watch and see what she does, we've alredy done the boundary thing.
At this point in time, I'm not showing her my cards, I'll continue to watch what she antee ups for, and where puts her money down.
The restuarnt job pretty much ended this week as tourists go home. Ther are some events, Thanksgining, Christmas, New Years. Perhaps i'm projecting left alone feelings, but it sucks being alone or with relatives other than my wife on such holidays. Granted she makes a good cash incentive to work on them but damm, let us do one together.
Sometimes I feel like one of our dogs... getting leftovers from the event I was not permitted to attend. Hell at least our dogs are in the house for the party, I've never been invited to a party at that restaurant. Never went or crashed either. Employees only.... Only time I entered the place was to unload boxes of girl scout cookies from my truck.
I was reading what I typed to correct obvious malfunctions and then it it hit me... I'm not a dog or piece of **** that deserves left over scraps.
I'm thinking I'll just make my own plans for the fall and winter holidays. No need to include her as she doesn't commit until the last day before. No need to inform about such plans either
Atlantic City "girls' vacation" 
Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind a few times. I'm sure I'd spend more time @ Hover Dam or renting a car to drive up towards area 51 
