Is it Unreasonable... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 06:18 PM Thread Starter
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Is it Unreasonable...

Is it unreasonable or common courtesy to share with your spouse when you go out and where you go out with coworkers and friends when your spouse cannot attend or is not invited?
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 06:28 PM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

Of course it is reasonable and common courtesty. Do some spouses not do this?
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 07:13 PM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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Of course it is reasonable and common courtesty. Do some spouses not do this?
Yes, many spouses neglect to do that. Some are just flaky, and some are up to no good.

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 08:05 PM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

Common courtesy. My SO and I know exactly where the other is going, who is going to be there, and what time we will be home.

But honestly, we rarely go out without each other. We have way more fun together .
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 08:11 PM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

OP, are you from a different culture or born outside the United States?
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-16-2016, 11:17 PM Thread Starter
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I was born in Southern California but, I find my beliefs and values seem to be out of step with the commonly accepted standards of acceptability. Maybe I need to find a more wholesome, religious-oriented partner.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-17-2016, 07:32 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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I was born in Southern California but, I find my beliefs and values seem to be out of step with the commonly accepted standards of acceptability. Maybe I need to find a more wholesome, religious-oriented partner.
You just need to set boundaries, let your partner know what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate. You have to be prepared to stand by your words, though.

Passive aggressive and emotionally unavailable (whatever that means)
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-17-2016, 07:57 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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I was born in Southern California but, I find my beliefs and values seem to be out of step with the commonly accepted standards of acceptability. Maybe I need to find a more wholesome, religious-oriented partner.
So you live in So Cal? That is your problem. Move to Southeast US and you will find what you want.

Ok, now for the serious question. Your initial post mentions spouse and here above you mention finding a different partner?

What's your story? You might do better by finding the right forum and posting a detailed story rather than posting 5-6 single topic short threads. Assuming you want advice or suggested solutions to your problems.

Does your username explain who you are?
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-17-2016, 08:36 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

Yes most certainly common curtosy. Heck I'm not even married and would be upset if my GF just didn't come home because she went out and had a few and didn't tell me. For a large part relationships establish a pattern and anytime one has to deviate from that pattern it will, if even in a small way, effect the other partner. So te right thing to do is let the other person know.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-17-2016, 09:14 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

diogenes,

Read up on how many posters here have spouses in workplace affairs who stood by while their spouse went out with coworkers and omitted details about who what where when why and how, or fabricated stories with more holes than swiss cheese.

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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-17-2016, 09:20 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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Is it unreasonable or common courtesy to share with your spouse when you go out and where you go out with coworkers and friends when your spouse cannot attend or is not invited?
For my marriage we usually share where we will be and when. Sometimes it's just a "going out to have beer after work" and not details. I'm not hiding it so if she asks I tell her but usually she doesn't care.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-18-2016, 09:23 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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Is it unreasonable or common courtesy to share with your spouse when you go out and where you go out with coworkers and friends when your spouse cannot attend or is not invited?
Sure it's reasonable.
In fact, if I get hit on when I'm out of town, I tell my wife everything. There was this high priced hooker where I was staying, along with her pimp, trying to hook me. Told my wife.
Wife does the same with me. For some reason she has 70+ year old men drool over her. She is 50.

25 year marriage.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-18-2016, 09:34 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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For my marriage we usually share where we will be and when. Sometimes it's just a "going out to have beer after work" and not details. I'm not hiding it so if she asks I tell her but usually she doesn't care.
This. Although where I work, sometimes the person will invite their spouse to come along after work, too. We're very inclusive that way. But any time one's schedule deviates from the norm, it's common courtesy to simply say you're going out for a drink with some coworkers and will be home around [time]. And I wouldn't be offended if the response to that was a question about where and who would be there and if it sounded fun, "can I join?"


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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-18-2016, 09:59 AM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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Is it unreasonable or common courtesy to share with your spouse when you go out and where you go out with coworkers and friends when your spouse cannot attend or is not invited?
It's not only reasonable and common courtesy, it's a safety issue. It's important for people who live together to have some idea of where family members are and when they will return. You don't want the buzzards picking you clean for hours before anyone else notices you're not where you're expected to be.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-18-2016, 05:29 PM
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Re: Is it Unreasonable...

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Of course it is reasonable and common courtesty. Do some spouses not do this?
I'm glad you asked - I couldn't imagine this. I feel it's taking an interest in each other as well as courtesy. I made the arrangements for the most recent dinner with friends and got his opinion between a couple of restaurants, mostly for location that would suit where we were each traveling from. I'd found a new, funky place to try. He was interested how the food was.

If he meets up with the guys after work, it's in the city. Sometimes venue is planned ahead, sometimes not. Afterwards he tells me where they went, what the food was like and such. Basically, it's all about the food.

We text or phone each other when we're heading home. Calendars are synced for easier planning.

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