Ok. So, I just want to take a moment and thank those such as MEM, BigbadWolf, Deejo, and Conrad. I have learned a TON from your posts. Well, it has been a year since I got the whole "I'm detached from you" speech. In that year, I have lost 50 lbs on P90x, been through way too much individual therapy, started to find myself as a man. Tried to be a handyman at home with pretty pathetic results, however, I DID f'ing try and still do. I have become a MUCH improved father and the connection with the kids is beyond anything I could have hoped for. I have found balance in my job while continuing to perform. I actually enjoy going to work, then I enjoy coming home. My wife and I talk more than we ever have. We share responsibilities at home and are true coparents for the first time in our marriage. Finally, we can sit down, have differing points of view, but still respect the other's. Quite amazing.
So, here we are. My therapist wanted to see me alone. Shocking considering I have not done an individual session since May. Guess what she presses me on? How is your sex life? My response, "What sex life?" She says, "Exactly". She then shows me this book "Sexual Anorexia" and says she believes this is my wife. She said my wife would be comfortable in the relationship we have for the next 20 years. It would be safe for her, but it is not good for her or I. It's time to start putting the pressure on. SO, here I go. Taking all the "gaming" stuff I have learned in the past year and putting it to work. It's on. I'll keep everyone updated.
By the way, she tried to fitness test me yesterday. She started griping about the time it took for me to do a task for her. My response with a huge grin, "Honey, are you talking to your old husband or your new one?" She smiled back, nodded her head and said, "ok".
Ok. So, I just want to take a moment and thank those such as MEM, BigbadWolf, Deejo, and Conrad. I have learned a TON from your posts. Well, it has been a year since I got the whole "I'm detached from you" speech. In that year, I have lost 50 lbs on P90x, been through way too much individual therapy, started to find myself as a man. Tried to be a handyman at home with pretty pathetic results, however, I DID f'ing try and still do. I have become a MUCH improved father and the connection with the kids is beyond anything I could have hoped for. I have found balance in my job while continuing to perform. I actually enjoy going to work, then I enjoy coming home. My wife and I talk more than we ever have. We share responsibilities at home and are true coparents for the first time in our marriage. Finally, we can sit down, have differing points of view, but still respect the other's. Quite amazing.
So, here we are. My therapist wanted to see me alone. Shocking considering I have not done an individual session since May. Guess what she presses me on? How is your sex life? My response, "What sex life?" She says, "Exactly". She then shows me this book "Sexual Anorexia" and says she believes this is my wife. She said my wife would be comfortable in the relationship we have for the next 20 years. It would be safe for her, but it is not good for her or I. It's time to start putting the pressure on. SO, here I go. Taking all the "gaming" stuff I have learned in the past year and putting it to work. It's on. I'll keep everyone updated.
By the way, she tried to fitness test me yesterday. She started griping about the time it took for me to do a task for her. My response with a huge grin, "Honey, are you talking to your old husband or your new one?" She smiled back, nodded her head and said, "ok".
So kick the tires and stoke the fires . . . I'd start with an aggressively-romantic date during which you make it clear that you have an expectation of sex at the end. Start her off with the carrot.
So kick the tires and stoke the fires . . . I'd start with an aggressively-romantic date during which you make it clear that you have an expectation of sex at the end. Start her off with the carrot.
Not that this a bad idea, but I think it maybe depends on whether the wife is the kind that thinks sex would be a carrot, or whether she thinks that it is really just a stick.
The book the therapist gave maybe indicates she thinks the OP's wife is the kind of wife that may think an expectation of sex may be a stick. If so, you might need to tailor how your approach her around that.
Enchantment- She has done quite a bit of work on her end in therapy. Lots of childhood baggage to get rid of and still working through it. She basically really learned at an early age how not to do relationships, but according to our therapist, "that is not an excuse to do relationships like that as an adult".
I'm not doing this in a one date situation. It is close touching on a daily basis where I push the envelope a little further each day. One week or ten days from now, she is getting f*****. According to our therapist, she definintely doesn't want it outwardly, but she actually is really going to like it when I push it. (intimacy)
It's kind of like taking someone who is unsure. They think they want to move in a direction, but they are scared. You have to take their arm and walk them through it. Lead it.
Enchantment- She has done quite a bit of work on her end in therapy. Lots of childhood baggage to get rid of and still working through it. She basically really learned at an early age how not to do relationships, but according to our therapist, "that is not an excuse to do relationships like that as an adult".
I'm not doing this in a one date situation. It is close touching on a daily basis where I push the envelope a little further each day. One week or ten days from now, she is getting f*****. According to our therapist, she definintely doesn't want it outwardly, but she actually is really going to like it when I push it. (intimacy)
It's kind of like taking someone who is unsure. They think they want to move in a direction, but they are scared. You have to take their arm and walk them through it. Lead it.
Good for you.
This was going to be my next suggestion - to start to do those little daily touches and flirty things. I know that I respond much better to those constant little connections than just a big *wham *. Building up to that wham can be nice, and may be what she needs if she is so unsure.
I'm happy to hear she is also doing her part on trying to work through her issues.
I'm happy to hear she is also doing her part on trying to work through her issues
Took 8 months of complete change from me to get her to try, though. Bout time. It's kind of like dating all over again. I'm a different person now. She is becoming one. Should be fun.
Haha. No, I don't. (It is on the wish list) We are digging ourselves out of some serious debt and have gone all Dave Ramsey. Should be completely out of debt excluding mortgage by February. Then, saving for purchases will begin.
Not that this a bad idea, but I think it maybe depends on whether the wife is the kind that thinks sex would be a carrot, or whether she thinks that it is really just a stick.
The book the therapist gave maybe indicates she thinks the OP's wife is the kind of wife that may think an expectation of sex may be a stick. If so, you might need to tailor how your approach her around that.
I guess I will be curious to see how it goes.
Best wishes, Dedicated2Her.
The date and the romantic attention are the carrot. The sex is only the stick if she makes it the stick. But if she does, then he's learned an awful lot about her by that. If nothing else, it will give her a clear opportunity to demonstrate that she's on board, and if she isn't, it gives him a place to start from.
Full Circle....it's on now. 
I have become a MUCH improved father and the connection with the kids is beyond anything I could have hoped for. I have found balance in my job while continuing to perform. I actually enjoy going to work, then I enjoy coming home. My wife and I talk more than we ever have. We share responsibilities at home and are true coparents for the first time in our marriage. Finally, we can sit down, have differing points of view, but still respect the other's. Quite amazing. 
