Great advice. Last night I got home after being away on biz during the week. And she glowed and I glowed back and we had this long long hug. We talked a couple minutes I said hi to the kids. And then I took out a new board game and we started playing. And halfway through the game she casually asks if she said anything "wrong" the other night. I made and held eye contact "most of what you told me was very positive. The rest was completely honest, I love that you are so straight with me it is a huge strength and a beautiful trait that you have". And then I went back to playing the board game and she started playing footsie with me under the table.
And one thing led to another. Seems like I have two choices:
- seem anxious and less than happy which makes her feel inadequate or
- accept her love and commitment and continue to treat her like gold
I choose door number two. Oh and fwiw she continues to have real pain down there and we have not had intercourse for almost a month.
E=Enchantment;472439]Hmmm... I bolded something from one of your responses. See, I think you need to have a perspective change here. You are thinking that because she is not feeling the desire in the way she used to that she then is getting nothing from connecting with you, while she has TOLD you that she does. She is still getting that emotional connection with you, even if she does not necessarily get all of the same physical ones that she used to. Does this not count?
You know what? Growing older really stinks. It just really does at times. As a woman, I get to have the joys of going through menopause too. Maybe it will be better than all of the problems I've had over the last 2 years in perimenopause, but who can know. There's a lot of information and support out there for women about perimenopause/menopause anymore.
But, there's not much out there for men in trying to figure out how to manage in the relationship when something like menopause is going on. A man knows his wife will likely go through this (although he may be very surprised when he starts to figure out it is happening), but I imagine there's a lot of fears and anxiety about what it will mean to him - will it affect her drive and your intimacy, will it affect her moods, will she seem like a totally different person, am I just a crazy and insensitive man for worrying about these things? I don't think it's wrong for a husband to be worried, anxious, and concerned - you're human, after all.
My only suggestion is that you really look at what she is telling you and try and believe her. You seem worried she will garner resentment because somehow you still have your physical desire while hers has diminished. She tells you that she loves you, she tells you that she wants to connect with you, she tells you that she gets much out of connecting with you in the way she is able to right now. BELIEVE HER. SHOW her that you believe her. When she approaches you - be generous, be enthusiastic, be happy. Are you not the one who says that your ACTIONS will speak louder than your words?
Believe me, she is likely having many of the same anxieties that you are - worrying about not being able to please you anymore, worrying your desire may diminsh because of that, worrying about aging. It can do a real number on both a husband and wife's psyche.
You can help soothe her anxieties (and yours) by joyfully accepting, and even initiating, with her. SHOW her that you love her, MEM, and joyfully accept whatever way she is capable of responding in. Don't let both of your various anxieties overwhelm you. You can get through this - you two have built a strong foundation together. Weathering this particular storm and coming out the other side together can only make it stronger if you let it.
God Bless.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device