I have to confess, I hate the expression "Act like a man". (The great scene between the Godfather and Johnny Fontane notwithstanding) Do you ever hear anyone say "Act like a woman?" No. It's a stupid expression whose sole purpose is to tear down a man. Any person who uses it should be shot. Any counselor who uses it should be tortured, then shot.
But it has become an acceptable way to vent free floating resentment towards a man without making the effort to be articulate about his issues. It's a blame-shifting phrase used in a bullying way. It has absolutely no value.
There's no single way that men act. Are men supposed to research the behaviors of the statistically typical man and act that way? That would be stupid. There's no one way of acting that will please every partner.
Any guy who is faced with this phrase should just respond with:
Well, guys SHOULD act like men, then we wouldn't have to tell them to >
It especially bugs me when fathers tell their sons to 'act like a man'.
I do not agree that just because no one says 'act like a woman', that means that telling someone to 'act like a man' should be invalidated. The phrase has meaning which is generally accepted, so the general 'you' knows what it means. No research involved It's a much shorter way of telling a guy to put his big girl panties on and smarten the hell up.
Speaking of which........................ (big girl panties????)
I tell my boys to act like a man all the time. Typically followed by "men do their work with pride and without complaining" or "men make their own decisions and will accept the consequence, either good or bad", so they understand what I mean. I'm not sure what I'd say if I had a daughter. I'd probably have to put on my big girl panties and modernize my phrases.
Until there is a clearly defined and broadly accepted meaning behind that phrase, it means nothing more than whatever bias and misconceptions the speaker holds.
No. But women often get the equivalent: "Stop acting crazy".
Both phrases are simply a way to totally dismiss the other person's point of view and/or demean them for doing something that the speaker is unhappy with. They're intended to shut the recipient up and stall any attempts at actual dialog about the issue at hand. I've personally found my life to be much more pleasant if I avoid being in relationships (of any type) with people who are wont to spout such nonsense - to either sex.
I can only assume that you are discussing this only as it applied to being stated by a woman...to a man.
A statement like "Act like a man"...is really a softball....the response should take into account both your own views and the suspected overall goal of the speaker....Since these types of statements are meant to end a discussion, shame a person, or generally dismiss them...Do the opposite..
"Act like Man"..
"I appreciate your candor, would be able to take a moment and enlighten me as to what characteristic of manhood you are referring to...specifically?"
or my fav...
"Baby...I'm only at 75% of capacity right now...you think you're ready for a 100?" (affix large grin)
I've only heard that statement used between female friends. Didn't know women even used it to a man's face. How demeaning. @Hope1964, lol at the 'big girl panties'. You may have managed to offend both men and women. lol That means you're off the hook for bias. It is rumored that Cary Grant wore women's silk undies because he liked the feel of the fabric.
Many women use "Be a man!" as and when they choose. If you are aggressive, they complain that you are an MCP and misogynistic, and if you are not, then they say "Be a man!".
Like the OP said, it's just used to control a man and make him feel guilty and then to manipulate him.
Just like the sexism card that Marissa Mayer is using while ruining Yahoo and still pocketing $50 million.
Many women use "Be a man!" as and when they choose. If you are aggressive, they complain that you are an MCP and misogynistic, and if you are not, then they say "Be a man!".
.
I think "Act like a man!" means to stop acting like a boy. In other words, start behaving in a mature manner.
Also, the transition from boy-hood to man-hood doesn't automatically happen when a male turns 18. It's not as if all of this emotional maturity comes flooding into his body on his 19th birthday. I've known of plenty of 30, 40 and 50+ year olds who still 'reason' and act like teenagers.
Not fun to deal with on a regular basis, especially in an intimate relationship.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with the phrase. I'm a man and proud of it. I would never want to be in a position where somebody needs to tell me to "Act like a man".
If there's a fire and somebody is trapped upstairs I will die saving a total stranger without hesitation. I have plenty of life insurance to make sure my family is taken care of. There are so few men in this world somebody needs to fill the void.
Absent having done this (since you are evidently alive) how can you know what you would do.
It's one thing to help someone at risk of some harm, it is another thing to do the same in the face of probable immediate extinction.
Do you know how hard it is to actually move when everything in front of your eyes is playing in slow motion and your limbs feel so heavy as they also move in slow motion?
When you have moments, just moments, so very few moments, in one of those moments hesitation will show itself. Though you may turn away from hesitations embrace you will know the warmth in its breath.
Do you know what it feels like to be the only one standing without a scratch (because you were ½ an inch to the left), while everyone else around you is scattered upon the ground all smashed up in a bloody slippery mess (it happened to me)?
How does anyone know what they will actually do until it happens to them?
The only thing I am certain of is I might or might not try...
I resent it when a woman uses the phrase in an attempt to hold me to (or shame me into) a standard of conduct or accountability to which she herself does not adhere or feel bound.
No, different things get directed at women when they are displaying a behavior other people don't like. The constant questioning if she's being "too emotional" about a topic or the subtle or not so subtle ways people will question if you are "crazy" or in some way mentally ill.
I mean, that's common enough here on TAM. It's rare for a male poster to be actually labeled a Narcissist even if displaying all the serious signs of it, but a male OP bringing up a "crazy wife" and she'll get all kinds of mental health accusations and labels - usually BPD.
Ive heard the expression used FAR more by men towards other men, but only when there are women around to witness it. It's just a means of puffing themselves up. Says far more about the person using the phrase, imo.
Yer not a REEL man, cuz yew can't make yer wife shoot sparks out her ass! I bet I could show her wut a REEL man can do! Hyuk hyuk hyuk.
Seriously. You know the reason guys blow their sh!t and start punching people? It's because we spend our lives afraid that someone might find out that we think puppies are cute.
I have two daughters. One is 14 and one is 12. At this age, they can sometimes act like a kid and sometimes act more adult. When they are acting up, I will sometimes tell them that they need to "act more adult" in this situation. I see the term "act like a man" in this same light. Children are prone to crying and lashing out. They are easy to upset and often make irrational decisions. "Act like a man" to me says "Grow up. Stop crying about this and do something about it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself." I do not see this as a sexist statement unless it's being said to a female. It's really no different than me telling my children to "make an adult decision here" or to "act like an adult." Now, before I get lambasted for how I raise my children, they get plenty of time to be "just kids."
I have never heard the term "act like a woman" but I'm not sure that it's a sexist thing.
Like anything else, it all depends on the situation and context in which the saying was used.
There have been plenty of times when around friends we tell each other to man up, stop being a pu$$y, grow a pair, take the dildo ouy of your arse (wait, what ) etc... nothing more than playful banter, all within a small group, not said to publicly shame or degrade.
Heck, I have even told my W to stop being a pu$$y which cracks her up.
I would focus not on the words, but the context/situation in which those words were used
To all the ladies who are okay with a woman telling a man "Be a man!", are you okay when your husband/boyfriend tells you "Be a lady!" or "Why can't you be more lady-like?"?
If you are okay with it, then you I think you have the right to say "Be a man!".
Also, please remember that your man may say "Be a lady!" on his own terms and not yours. He may say it and you might think he is manipulating you and telling you what to do. You may think that you are being a lady and he is still saying this. For example, if you don't cook dinner, he may say it. Or if you cut your hair short, he may say it because long hair is feminine.
It's a slippery slope ladies. Dive in as long as you know what you are getting into.
Maybe it's the guy OVER valuing his worth, and not the woman undervaluing hers ???
People just can't win any more. No matter what, someone has a problem with whatever 'it' is.
Do people have a problem with telling women to 'act like a man'? That seems to be what you're saying women should do, @MarriedDude, at least with respect to job hunting.
Not really...I am just noting the differences in how each attempt to place a dollar amount on their value in terms of work. I don't know that there could be direct correlation or causation based on their gender. Unless assigning value (in terms of currency) is inherently male or female...which I don't know.
Not really saying a woman should act like a man, nor that a man should act like a woman. Just noting the differences that i have observed on this specific issue...I don't believe i possess the background, knowledge or experience that would be required to state a causal relationship between these things..
But I do believe, based on what I have been able to observe, there is inequality...it is real, it is entrenched and more importantly inhibits our potential.
Tell you what last night in weightlifting class there was a young lady who was more of a man than me. I can one rep max a back squat of 100 kg, this woman could 125 kg.
I tried to man up my 55 year old body, but no way no how.
Well, I for one do not believe that men and women should be equal in all things. I do not agree, for example, that the standard for physical fitness should be lowered in first responder professions just so more women can do the job. If I'm unconscious in a burning building, I want someone who is able to get me out, not someone who was hired just to fulfill a minority quota requirement. I don't care whether they're male or female.
I do agree with you about it inhibiting our potential. I don't know if the answer is to stop telling men to act like men though. Maybe the answer is to tell EVERYONE to act like a man.
I concur...I want someone able to pull my a$$ out of that building...I don't really care about their gender...i prefer survival.
I wish I had an answer...to this and so many other things...there are just too many things that I don't know that are interesting and I feel I should know...but lack sufficient time (and probably cognitive ability) to actually do so. Part of the human condition i suppose...
If we're going to go down this discussion road, then listen to what professional economists have to say about the matter. Have an informed opinion - read the transcript, or listen to the podcast: (and if you're not already listening to Freakonomics, you should be)
I'll never understand why so many people feel the need to have strong opinions about topics about which they know so little.
I tell my kids that having a strong opinion is rarely called for, especially in your early 20's.
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