So let me start out with I'm in the military. My wife and I got married a year ago after being engaged for about 1.5 years. But due to her being in college and me being in the military, I live across the country from her. The last year we have had our ups and downs, but recently my wife has grown more restless with our situation. Before I explain the situation let me explain my wife.
My wife usually craves for attention. Not necessarily from the opposite sex, but in the aspect that she hates being alone. She is a real outgoing person and prefers to spend time with friends, family ,or me. But due to me being station across the country it makes our relationship hard. I on the otherhand quite like my alone time. Don't get me wrong though, I do go out with friends on occasion, but being by myself is when I can truly recover from the day to day struggle.
The problem I am having right now is that my wife can't stand it when I dont talk/text her all throughout the day. If I go without talking to her for 2 to 3 hours, she tends to lash out and that's putting it mildly. Usually if I don't talk to get throughout the day, we end up getting into an argument on how I never talk to her anymore, and lately it's been getting to the point of that I'm scared she might start thinking about divorce.
I know I'm not the most talkative person. When I talk to someone, it's because I have something to say, and when I don't, I keep to myself. It's hard for me to small talk or conjure up a conversation out of thin air when I dont have anything to talk about, and she refuses to accept that.
It seems like every time we have an argument about this, she goes to the extreme of things and makes it sound like I neglect her for days on end, but the truth of the matter is, is that every day I tell her good morning, and if I don't she gets mad. Every day I try to skype call her at night and if I happen to fall asleep, she gets angry. If I'm out in town with friends and haven't talked to her in a few hours, she get mad and starts to argue with me. It seems the only time I can get away with not talking to her is if I'm at work, and then that only helps if I am out on a field op or a shooting range. She makes it seem like I am supposed to drop everything I am doing and put my full attention on her, even if I'm at work or with friends.
I just need some advice on how to deal with this.
I have 11 1/2 months to go till I get out of the military and will be able to move in new with her, but I don't know if our relationship can last that long.
OP -I have been you. First the Army then others (DNC, EO, Big Sandy, others) all over the world.Unable to communicate sometimes months at a time..My wife came from a military family...more than a 100 years of service -so that helped....but it takes more....much more.
If she needs texts...DO IT. She gets angry because she misses you....the anger is probably just fear +_ loneliness. She needs you -thus, you MUSt do all you can for her.
What helped us was the letters....every day -if possible -i posted one or more. I spilled my heart and love for her onto the pages...everything...so she would have no doubt, not an inkling of an idea that I may not miss her terribly. She must know, and you must tell her. The letters are better than a phone call, text message, email, in many ways:
They smell like you
It takes effort to do it...make her aware that she is worth EVERY effort
It is something that she can hold...that you held as well
She can carry them with her
She can share them with others is she chooses
My wife still has all of the letters I wrote her...ALL. spanning a 25 year marriage. I still write letters to her now...and mail them. She tells me that every letter, every word makes her fall in love all over again...everyday.
Do this for your wife. Don't argue, just do it. You swore and pledged to love and care for her above all others. You must keep your promise. She will reciprocate in ways you can't possibly fathom. A woman that is true and loyal and in love with you will walk through the fires of hell for you.
Mine Did. Your's will too.