....He has created a this Goddess that I am today sexually. And he knows this. But he also knows I am aware and extremely self conscious about my outer beauty. I do not come close to LOOKING like what I know he is attracted too.
The issues I have are compounded in my mind by the feelings of not being enough. And from my reasearch I know this is a huge turn off for any man. I can not bring myself (yet) to ask him why he needs to do these things. I do not want him to think that I think it is WRONG. I just want to understand if it is because he desires the outer beauty so much.? If it is a habit he has always had.? Is it because of something I am not doing? That I would most definetly be willing to do ?
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You have a good understanding of yourself. Now, you need to consider if that is who you want to be for the rest of your life, or if you want to change yourself in any ways.
You are not confident with your outer beauty and yet he seems to be very comfortable and confident in it.
You understand that being confident is sexy to men.
You can't bring yourself to talk to him about this.
You sound like you understand some of the issues very well. The question is do you want to change.
One of the fascinating things is that in marriage after a few years husbands and wives know pretty much what the other is thinking because of all the non-verbal clues given (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice). One spouse many look at the other and ask would you like to go out for Chinese food and the other will say OK, but their spouse will know it means no way in the world do they want that type of food tonight. The same is true with sex, you spouse will know what you really want and don't want even if you don't use words to say it.
So you have little to loose by actually talking to your spouse. Give it a try, just don't be judgemental. In an ideal world you want your spouse to be able to tell you (without any feelings of shame) their deepest and darkest secret or sexual curiosity. You are allowed to have boundaries and not do things, but you should never by facial expression, tone of voice, body language, or words try to shame them or imply that being open and honest to you is wrong. If you H can't share his sexuality with you, then who can he share it with? A prostitute/escort?
By all means talk to him. If he asks for something you are not sure about, tell him you love him and will consider it, but want to research it more and talk to him more about it. Then actually find out more and figure out if it is something that exceeds your boundaries or not.
If his request does exceed your boundaries, then tell him and explain why it does at this point in your life. Ask him if there is any way you can do something else that might be within your boundaries, but provides him the "illusion" of what he wants.
For example, if he wants a 3 some and you feel (IMO rightly so) that it would endanger the marriage ask if you can blindfold him tie him to a bed, and pretend to be two different women with him. Maybe even get a Fleshlight or Masturbatory sleeve to act as the other woman. Or buy a wig and clothing you would not normally wear. The point is that the mind is the biggest sex organ and it can be easily tricked.
Now getting back to the porn. Porn can be an addiction and a problem in marriage. It can also be an outlet for frustration that allows two people to be faithful to each other.
He choose you to be his wife. He didn't choose a porn star. Think about that. Tell him that you love him and know how much he loves you, but that watching porn scares you and makes you feel insecure about your body. Ask him if instead of his watching porn, the two of you can do sexual things together. You say he feels you are his Goddess, well enjoy it!
Read some of the threads of women who are in sex starved marriages, where their husband pays no sexual attention to them.
Work on yourself and your issues. Do some things that you feel good about. Traditionally take up an exercise hobby and use that to gain strength, improve the looks of your body and gain confidence. Train to run a 5km fun run. Have your husband at the finish line to share your glory. Do some physical challenges of things you don't think are possible, like maybe running a half marathon, bicycling a 100 km or 100 mile ride.
Good luck to you.