psychocandy

Must admit I'm not too comfortable with the idea...

Ex-boyfriend (not mind about that it was 20+ years ago) is married with kids, but him and his wife are into swinging.

They;ve invited my Mrs around for a chinese one night. WOuld have been both of us but I dont really know them, childminding is awkward etc.

I'm really not keen. I am paranoid and cant help thinking its lined for a threesome.

My Mrs says shes not interested, its just a social visit, and doesnt know what all the fuss is about. Caused a few arguments.

Am I being too uptight here? Maybe a bit unfair to cast all swingers as sexual predators....

snix11

whoa. if this is one of the 'couple of nights a month' club you might want to talk to her about that. I would be comfortable if we both went, but not if one of us went alone.

Get to know this couple. tell them you what you are concerned about.

TGolbus

I think there is a bigger issue...why is this causing argements? If you are unconfortable why would she still go? Is she hoping it will happen (and she is putting herself into the situtation)? Her going without you is a bad idea....
There are other items/issues that need to get on the table.

psychocandy

Nah. This is just a one-off around their house for a takeaway chinese meal...

psychocandy

Causes arguments because I've told her I dont like the idea and she thinks I'm being silly/not trusting her/telling her what she can and cant do over something as innocent as a social visit....

okeydokie

i would be uncomfortable with the situation too. you must suspect something in her nature that might cause her to want to become involved with this, at the least i'm thinking she is curious to see what will happen. i cant see my wife putting herself in this situation or even hanging out with people who "swing", especially right in my face.

psychocandy

Well, what she says to me is that just because they choose to do this in their own time is up to them. Nothing to do with her and they're still friends who know she is not interested in this....

To be honest, shes given me no evidence to suggest she might be up to something...

humpty dumpty

well invite them to yours instead !! that way you get to check them out ,you have no need not to trust you wife but if it was you going to a ex girlfriends im sure she would feel a little different

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mommy22

Good one, H.D.!!

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GPR

Ex-boyfriend from 20+ years ago?

How long have you been married?

I am in no way into swinging and things like that, but I know people that are. They are not bad people, they are just into some different things. I don't agree with them, endorse them, and would never partake in it, but many people make swingers to be like some sexual predators that spend all their hours trying to rake in innocent victims and have nothing else going on in their lives.

So, they are inviting her out for Chinese? Is this OUT or over to their place? And if I read your post right, they originally invited you also, correct? But you are not going?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling her you are uncomfortable, but unless you have some other reason to not trust her, I would not forbid my wife to go.

psychocandy

Over to their place I think.

Well, invite is a bit vague. Not sure because I cant get sense out of my wife.

Thats it - forbidding her to go would go down like a lead balloon...

psychocandy

Been married nearly 13 years. Together 20 years almost.

To be honest, ex-boyf was a year or so before me as well.

psychocandy

Good idea but wife would probably think I'm trying to control the situation....

To be honest, wifes having a bit of a tough time at the moment, and feels the need for a bit of 'me time'. I think this is one of her escape times and probably doesnt need me involved....

GPR

But, not to make you even more confused, this would be something that would slightly worry me.

But it comes down to this... Do you trust her?

If so, like I said before, let her know what you are feeling, but don't tell her she can't do anything. Hopefully by doing this, in the right way, she will be considerate of you and will be honest about how things go, what happens, etc. etc. etc.


Also, I just noticed that you started the thread about your wife going out more often now.

To me, it sounds like you wife is doing more things on her own and it's gotten you worried.

It's perfectly fine to be worried, jealous, etc. etc. etc. She's your wife, you love her, that's what happens when you love someone, you get worried about anything that could endanger your love. And you can state your concerns to her (in a nice, compassionate way), but I wouldn't fight her on it. She might just be going through a stage in her life that she wants to have some more fun, and that's it, nothing negative towards you.

Just keep communicating with her about it. Both your concerns ahead of time, and talk about it afterwards. Don't interrogate her, actually take some interest in it.

MsLady

Were you or were you not invited? It's not clear from your previous posts. If there's even a hint of an invitation for you, just go.