On the thought of being unreasonable in relationships, or expecting too much .... can you tell us what your "ideal" is or what you are hoping to find ? We all long for "acceptance", for our quirks, the shortcomings we may still be struggling with...able to show ourselves vulnerable with someone & they still love us & want to be with us...and we, them.
I think these are 2 well written articles on "Compatibility"
.. which can make or break any relationship...doesn't matter how good looking anyone is or how successful.. there are just some things that NEED TO BE ... to get along with another ....that we wholly accept each other's lifestyles, dreams.. sharing a similar vision , whether that be a life traveling together, raising a family, another shared passion... Love is Not Enough
..and Love That Lasts- 11 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
1. DO you ACCEPT EACH OTHER AS you BOTH ARE?
It is important to accept each other’s faults, flaws, and shortcomings without the need to make changes.
This is a fundamental issue and possibly the most important question here. It reaches into the heart of the relationship and addresses a matter basic for stability and longevity.
2. HAS YOUR COURTSHIP BEEN SMOOTH OR TURBULENT?
Frequent or caustic premarital fights predict turmoil after marriage.
Did you get along well during your time of dating, or did you have many fights and disagreements? A “no” answer to the previous question (Quest. 1) indicates a lack of acceptance of each other’s basic behavioral traits. Your lack of acceptance will show itself in frequent fights and conflict and, thus, as a high level of turbulence in your courtship.
3. DO YOU LIKE THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR INTENDED?
The way you feel about yourself when in your mate’s company frequently reflects your partner’s underlying, often unstated sentiments.
This is really a variant of the previous questions and has to do with feelings of personal acceptance stemming from the relationship, but at deeper levels.
4. DO you HAVE COMPATIBLE INTERESTS, ATTITUDES, VALUES AND GOALS?
It is important to be in harmony about the things you like to do, the beliefs you hold important, the way you view the world, and your life’s objectives.
These issues are so fundamentally important I could have listed them first. These are also the areas most frequently focused on by dating services. Without a reasonable match in these four areas, we diminish our chances for a long and successful relationship.
5. WHAT SPOUSAL ROLES DO you EXPECT AFTER MARRIAGE?
You need to agree about whether your marriage will be traditional or modern.
In marriage, we play many parts, i.e., partner, parent, companion, provider, homemaker, lover, helpmate, playmate, friend, confidant, and so forth all of which we can be subsume under the heading “spousal roles.” We usually come to a relationship with a certain set of expectations and desires regarding these roles
6. IS your INTENDED SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE AND SATISFYING TO you?
Sexual and affectional compatibility are vital parts of a lasting and satisfying marriage.
For almost everyone, sexual gratification is one of the prime features of marriage. It is important that your needs be met in this area.
7. DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ARE IN THE COMPANY OF YOUR INTENDED’S FAMILY AND FRIENDS?
Be aware that marriage frequently comes with a large cast of loveable, and sometimes not-so-loveable, characters
It is true that you will be marrying your mate and not your mate’s family. Nevertheless, if your intended loves his or her family and plans to spend much time with them, you best like them too, or at least be able to tolerate them.
8. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THE SATISFACTION OF EACH OTHER’S NEEDS?
Love includes a passionate desire to gratify your loved-one’s needs and desires.
Many people marry with the idea that marriage will satisfy all their requirements. Others believe it is their spouses’ duty to take care of them. In addition, some people are unhappy being single and believe only marriage will make them happy. Imagine the burden all three of these views place on their partners.
9. IS THERE THE FEELING OF SOLID AND ENDURING FRIENDSHIP?
People in satisfying marriages often describe their spouses as their best friend.
Some people have trouble accepting the notion that a person of the opposite sex could be their best friend. Thus, they overlook the possibility of friendship in marriage. However, a good friendship, with its trust, support, and loyalty, is the bedrock of a solid marriage.
10. ARE YOUR PERSONAL AND HOUSEHOLD HYGENIC STANDARDS COMPATIBLE?
Incompatibility in the need for orderliness and cleanliness can seriously undermine an otherwise gratifying partnership.
This is a more important area then many people realize.
11. ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY, AS FAR AS IS REASONABLE, FOR MAKING THE RELATIONSHIP WORK?
People who recognize that their actions influence their spouses’ behavior are best able to work out marital difficulties.
Choosing the right person is, sadly, not sufficient to produce a happy marriage. You must also be the right person both for your mate as well as for marriage in general.