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post #1 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Self worth

All,

I am rapidly coming to the realization that my biggest problem is self worth. I have none of it and its really hindering my ability to build healthy relationships. Also, I generally feel down a majority of the time because of it.

I am a good looking, fit 38yr old man.

Always been able to attract very good looking women. Sucessful in my career and have a ton of friends. I really have no reason to feel this way yet I do.

Until I am able to get passed this I feel I will continue to live in this rut.

Im sure this is a common theme amongst these boards. Id like to hear comments on this subject. Tips perhaps...

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
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post #2 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:09 PM
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Re: Self worth

So what it is about you that you feel is 'less than'? What triggers these feelings?
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post #3 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:12 PM
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Re: Self worth

Self worth comes from being, more or less, the person you want yourself to be.

So where's your disconnect? Are your personal standards for yourself too high or is your achievement of those goals too low?

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post #4 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Self worth

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
So what it is about you that you feel is 'less than'? What triggers these feelings?
Always second guessing myself personally. Never really feel comfortable in a relationship like I always have to give more. Its really a shi$ty way to live.

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
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post #5 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: Self worth

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Originally Posted by unbe View Post
All,

I am rapidly coming to the realization that my biggest problem is self worth. I have none of it and its really hindering my ability to build healthy relationships. Also, I generally feel down a majority of the time because of it.

I am a good looking, fit 38yr old man.

Always been able to attract very good looking women. Sucessful in my career and have a ton of friends. I really have no reason to feel this way yet I do.


Until I am able to get passed this I feel I will continue to live in this rut.

Im sure this is a common theme amongst these boards. Id like to hear comments on this subject. Tips perhaps...
This is something I can't wrap my brain around either.. you don't sound like an under dog, beaten down.. put down.. sounds you are successful in work (this shows intelligence -huge confidence booster)... easily attract hotties (mega confidence booster) ...and have a slew of friends (obviously you are somewhat charming / enjoyable to be around)... what else does a man want in life ??
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post #6 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Self worth

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Originally Posted by Cletus View Post
Self worth comes from being, more or less, the person you want yourself to be.

So where's your disconnect? Are your personal standards for yourself too high or is your achievement of those goals too low?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
Ive been told that I expect too much from people. I expect them to give as much as I do. Apparently I give WAY to much

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
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post #7 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:25 PM
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Re: Self worth

Quote:
Originally Posted by unbe View Post
All,

I am rapidly coming to the realization that my biggest problem is self worth. I have none of it and its really hindering my ability to build healthy relationships. Also, I generally feel down a majority of the time because of it.

I am a good looking, fit 38yr old man.

Always been able to attract very good looking women. Sucessful in my career and have a ton of friends. I really have no reason to feel this way yet I do.

Until I am able to get passed this I feel I will continue to live in this rut.

Im sure this is a common theme amongst these boards. Id like to hear comments on this subject. Tips perhaps...
people that have self-worth as you describe....don't attract quality women (quality=good looking but not crazy); they typically are not successful; tend to have few friends

So, what is it that your inner voices are telling you?

When did this start? What else was happening?

Why do you believe you need a "reason" for a feeling?

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #8 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Self worth

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
This is something I can't wrap my brain around either.. you don't sound like an under dog, beaten down.. put down.. sounds you are successful in work (this shows intelligence -huge confidence booster)... easily attract hotties (mega confidence booster) ...and have a slew of friends (obviously you are somewhat charming / enjoyable to be around)... what else does a man want in life ??
I want this feeling to go away. That feeling deep down in the pit of your stomach like the shoe is always about to drop...Some of you know what Im feeling.

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
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post #9 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Self worth

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people that have self-worth as you describe....don't attract quality women (quality=good looking but not crazy); they typically are not successful; tend to have few friends

So, what is it that your inner voices are telling you?

When did this start? What else was happening?

Why do you believe you need a "reason" for a feeling?
I never said they weren't crazy, most of them are! I just said they are attractive. Any by attractive I mean 10s...All my friends always wonder how its possible.

It started when I was young. Went away for a while but came back during my last marriage.

I don't really need a reason for the feeling, more need a way to stop feeling this way

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
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post #10 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:34 PM
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Re: Self worth

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Always second guessing myself personally. Never really feel comfortable in a relationship like I always have to give more. Its really a shi$ty way to live.
That's normal - we all feel like that from time to time. You need to be yourself - and you will find someone who likes your for the way you are. None of us are perfect. Your post make me feel sad . There is someone for everyone.
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post #11 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:35 PM
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Re: Self worth

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I want this feeling to go away. That feeling deep down in the pit of your stomach like the shoe is always about to drop...Some of you know what Im feeling.
That sounds like an anxiety disorder, for which I would seek professional help.

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post #12 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:37 PM
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Re: Self worth

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Always second guessing myself personally. Never really feel comfortable in a relationship like I always have to give more. Its really a shi$ty way to live.
I agree. It IS a very sh!tty way to live. Your feelings of inadequacy are tied to your happiness. Happiness is however you define it. It sounds circular, and it is.

I recommend two books.

Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment
Book by Tal Ben-Shahar

Wherever You Go, There You Are
Book by Jon Kabat-Zinn
(I have this as an audiobook that I listen to whenever I'm having similar feelings)

Have you had IC?
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post #13 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:47 PM
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Re: Self worth

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Ive been told that I expect too much from people.
Maybe you expect too much from yourself.

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Originally Posted by unbe View Post
I expect them to give as much as I do.
You can't base your self-worth on what other people do or don't do. The only thing you can reasonably expect from some else is to treat you with respect. If someone doesn't do that, then it's time to walk away (and yes, I am taking my own advice here). That's what 'self-worth' is all about.

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Apparently I give WAY to much
Why do you think that is? Are you trying to get something more from relationships with others? Or do you just think that it's your obligation to give so much?
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post #14 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 05:07 PM
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Re: Self worth

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That sounds like an anxiety disorder, for which I would seek professional help.

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Thats kinda what I was thinking. Waiting for the shoe to drop...is an expectation of a negative event without any real evidence that should lead to that assumption. Have you considered, how often the shoe has actually dropped...versus...your expectation of its occurrence?

I felt that way many years ago. My simple solution was to begin not giving a $hit about anything that won't kill me our mine. I make it work. Maybe you could give that a shot

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #15 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 05:54 PM
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Re: Self worth

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Originally Posted by unbe View Post
Ive been told that I expect too much from people. I expect them to give as much as I do. Apparently I give WAY to much
therein lies your problem........you have to let people be who they are and decide if that's enough for you. Not a bad problem to have.
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