What turns you off about a woman? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 02:13 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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I only use those phrases very rarely , but to me they mean: (and I think that they apply equally to men and women).

High maintenance: A set of behaviors: Need things, in particular gifts / favors. Flowers are a *requirement*, not something that is met with happy appreciation. Need sex, back-rubs, something. Constantly needs help with something, but doesn't provide help in return. A general helplessness. Flat tire - call partner to leave work and drive over to help, rather than call a tow truck. Computer broken - call partner to fix it, even though they write software for a living. Family problems, need partner to help - which is fine, but not if they don't reciprocate.

Nagging: Constantly telling someone to do something when they already know, and either have it lower on their priority list, or have decided not to do it. Often coupled with thinking that their own set of priorities for chores should take precedence over their partner's priorities. Usually coupled with treating the partner like a child: "What, you haven't taken the trash out yet - *sigh*, I'll do it". (when it fact their partner is busy with something that may be equally or more important.

I think there is a lot of variation on how these terms are used, but I see both are a form of viewing their partners as servants, not equals.


As I said, I use these rarely, and think that they apply to men and women who exhibit these sorts of behavior.
Thank you for explaining, the only thing I don't understand is the bolded ... if I need sex I am high maintenance?
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post #47 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 04:18 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Anger. When they paint themselves as victims in scenarios.

I dated a woman for a few weeks like that in between wives. I remember being shocked at her anger. I asked her gently why she was so angry at life.

Her response was to burst into tears and proceed to bawling.

It was really sad. She was furious at the world for where she was, which was a pretty fortunate place all things considered.

We broke up two days after that conversation. I have no room in my life for someone who harbors that much anger.
Remember, anger is a cover for fear and/or pain. It sounds like she may have been in a lot of pain, considering how open she was in response to your gentleness.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #48 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:48 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Remember, anger is a cover for fear and/or pain. It sounds like she may have been in a lot of pain, considering how open she was in response to your gentleness.
I didn't have that knowledge then, but understand it now. The problem was that she allowed this pain to overtake the joy in her life when she had plenty to be joyful about.

That is a terrible way to live, and I would have no interest in being partnered with someone who had to cope with life in such a way.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #49 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:48 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

Actually I'm a bit surprised, My definition of high maintenance is completely different. If you spend more per month on your hair, nails, or plastic surgery, than I spend on my truck payment, that's high maintenance.
Nagging is the use of the "honey do" list as a control or punishment device.
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post #50 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:53 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
It should be balanced conversation. Quid pro quo both ways.

But this particular date was not the only time that has happened. I've been on several dates where the woman just prattles off about all these awesome things she's doing, and all these awesome places shes going, and how great she is at her job, and all the awesome things she's done in the past and so on. I will smile and sit there and respond once in a while to be nice.

If a woman isn't interested in me I wish she would just say so, so I can forego the dessert and movie and just take her home.

This comes to mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRKZh-2j4PY
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post #51 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 05:56 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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When I was younger if she didn't sleep with me the first date that was a complete turn off.
OMG, any guy I met like that when I was younger would have been a complete turnoff!
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post #52 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 06:02 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
I only use those phrases very rarely , but to me they mean: (and I think that they apply equally to men and women).

High maintenance: A set of behaviors: Need things, in particular gifts / favors. Flowers are a *requirement*, not something that is met with happy appreciation. Need sex, back-rubs, something. Constantly needs help with something, but doesn't provide help in return. A general helplessness. Flat tire - call partner to leave work and drive over to help, rather than call a tow truck. Computer broken - call partner to fix it, even though they write software for a living. Family problems, need partner to help - which is fine, but not if they don't reciprocate.

Nagging: Constantly telling someone to do something when they already know, and either have it lower on their priority list, or have decided not to do it. Often coupled with thinking that their own set of priorities for chores should take precedence over their partner's priorities. Usually coupled with treating the partner like a child: "What, you haven't taken the trash out yet - *sigh*, I'll do it". (when it fact their partner is busy with something that may be equally or more important.

I think there is a lot of variation on how these terms are used, but I see both are a form of viewing their partners as servants, not equals.


As I said, I use these rarely, and think that they apply to men and women who exhibit these sorts of behavior.
Remember ladies : If a man says he will fix it, he will. No need to remind him every 6 months
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post #53 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 07:28 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

For me, it's a tricky one for most people - body confidence. (or really just confidence in general)

I once dated a woman for a couple of months who made such a big deal about her boobs being tiny, it drove me nuts. We were intimate throughout, yet I never once saw her breasts. Wasn't even allowed to touch them OVER her shirt. Now, I have a thing for small boobs, and I TOLD her this numerous times, yet it made no difference at all. We broke up for different reasons, but it always struck me as somewhat overboard, on her part.

I've also dated women who were plus-sized or close to it, my wife included, and not one of them has ever been shy about their bodies, believe it or not. THAT is sexy.
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post #54 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 08:15 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

Back to the OP:
A sense of entitlement - meaning they just think they deserve whatever because they are who they are. No need to earn it.
A lack of self respect - usually indicated by being out of shape and over weight. If you can't respect the house you live in, why would I expect you to respect me?
These are two things about women that turn me off.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #55 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
I didn't have that knowledge then, but understand it now. The problem was that she allowed this pain to overtake the joy in her life when she had plenty to be joyful about.

That is a terrible way to live, and I would have no interest in being partnered with someone who had to cope with life in such a way.
No, it would not have been the right match for you. I do hope she eventually found the right match for her, though.
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One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #56 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 09:06 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
LOL. And this is why I make sure to read your posts.
Hey, I just don't want other dudes making the same mistakes I have made ... this was my first "girl"friend sigh ...

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post #57 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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I had a first date with a woman who showed up in her pjs, kid you not.
Holy crap! I don't think I could have stopped laughing!
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post #58 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 09:32 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

Only if you you pressure your partner for very unbalanced sex - telling them that they *should* do things for you that you won't do for them. I think unbalance is the key.

Its never high maintenance if you are asking for things that they genuinely enjoy providing.


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Thank you for explaining, the only thing I don't understand is the bolded ... if I need sex I am high maintenance?
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post #59 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 09:35 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

I don't think its that difference. Wanting / needing money is another form of wanting your partner to do things for you that you aren't doing for them.


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Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
Actually I'm a bit surprised, My definition of high maintenance is completely different. If you spend more per month on your hair, nails, or plastic surgery, than I spend on my truck payment, that's high maintenance.
Nagging is the use of the "honey do" list as a control or punishment device.
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post #60 of 169 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 10:22 AM
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Re: What turns you off about a woman?

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Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
Actually I'm a bit surprised, My definition of high maintenance is completely different. If you spend more per month on your hair, nails, or plastic surgery, than I spend on my truck payment, that's high maintenance.
Nagging is the use of the "honey do" list as a control or punishment device.
I wouldn't consider that high maintenance if she can afford it. If she's not making it my problem why would I have a problem with it?


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Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
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