So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-06-2016, 07:24 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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That's why i let the dog sleep in the bed. He gets the blame.
If your smoosh faced America Bulldog is anything like mine, that is risky. 9 times out of 10, the dog DID do it!

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #32 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-06-2016, 08:13 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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Appreciation - is it actions, more sex, verbal? What does the W or SO do that to you specifically it shows she really appreciates you?
She acknowledges my existence (i.e. doesn't pretend to be busy with something on her phone or with a book) and speaks to me face to face and not via iMessage.
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post #33 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 12:35 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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She acknowledges my existence (i.e. doesn't pretend to be busy with something on her phone or with a book) and speaks to me face to face and not via iMessage.
That is a sadly low bar in a marriage.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #34 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 12:40 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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She complains about something else that I didn't do to her satisfaction.
Ditto...perhaps the question ought to phrased the other direction. I work tirelessly for the family but get absolutely nothing from her. As long as the kids are happy that's good enough for me, I know that there's nothing that I can do that will possibly satisfy her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #35 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 12:47 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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It's so nice being with someone that is as gassy as me.
Good words for a Valentine's Day card.
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post #36 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 01:30 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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That is a sadly low bar in a marriage.
When you write something like that you need to realize that someone out there is thinking "That would be a sadly low bar in a marriage, if she was reaching it. It probably took 6 months of therapy to reach that bar.

Here is where I am. She reads or plays games most of the time we are together, including in the car and on dinner dates. She Doesn't read my text messages. She appreciates me less than my father did.

It may be true that I deserve or have earned this, but this thread is about what she "DOES".
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post #37 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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When you write something like that you need to realize that someone out there is thinking "That would be a sadly low bar in a marriage, if she was reaching it. It probably took 6 months of therapy to reach that bar.

Here is where I am. She reads or plays games most of the time we are together, including in the car and on dinner dates. She Doesn't read my text messages. She appreciates me less than my father did.

It may be true that I deserve or have earned this, but this thread is about what she "DOES".
So, basically, you're saying that it took 6 months of therapy to teach a grown adult basic manners? That's just mind blowing.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #38 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 11:41 AM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!
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post #39 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 12:16 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!
Is she from a Western culture???

She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!
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post #40 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 02:02 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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Is she from a Western culture???

She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!
Nope. She is just a good ol' country girl from a small town here in Texas.

To be honest, I'd do anything for her, too....................., if she'd just let me....
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post #41 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 04:03 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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My wife does EVERYTHING for me, and sometimes I wish she wouldn't, to be honest. I try to help, but she gets upset sometimes when I do because she feels like it's her job (?) and she is failing at it. She loves me, is pretty, the nicest person you'll ever meet, good sense of humor, is generous, cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, has my clothes ready including socks before I go anywhere, brings me my food and drink on a tray if I eat in my recliner, mows the yard (she won't let me mow, but I do the weedeating and use the blower), and the list goes on and on. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but I am honored to be her husband!
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Is she from a Western culture???

She is paying her Karma forward in dividends!
I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)

I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have everything but the actual for pay job under control.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #42 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 04:14 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)

I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have everything but the actual for pay job under control.
Heck, my wife does everything you do except for the "weed whack", "trim his beard and mustache", and the pet caretaking (two cats - my daughters' responsibilities), and she works a full-time job as a teacher!

I am truly blessed!
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post #43 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 04:17 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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I do all the yard work. Mow, weed whack, rake, bag, broom. I also do all of the house and auto repairs. I cook every meal for DH. I fetch him ice for his drinks, his meals, and snacks (no tray due to table placement). I get him his towel and clothes for his shower, socks, boxers, and shoes included. I do his finger and toe nails as well as trim his beard and mustache. I do all of the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, organizing, bill pays, taxes etc. I do all of the pet caretaking, as well. (3 dogs, a parrot, a tortoise, a cat, and a couple Beta fish)

I didn't even consider adding my total chores and duties as showing appreciation because I see it as my job. I'm SAHM. Other than working his job, why should he have to do anything? I was raised that a SAHM should have everything but the actual for pay job under control.
My offer still stands.
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post #44 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 04:54 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

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Heck, my wife does everything you do except for the "weed whack", "trim his beard and mustache", and the pet caretaking (two cats - my daughters' responsibilities), and she works a full-time job as a teacher!

I am truly blessed!
You are! I like hearing of other women who do those things. I have actually been made to feel bad for it. No joke. I have been made fun of, had some unkind comments made to me, been accused of lacking intelligence and self-esteem, you name it. I have even been told I give women a bad name.

What's really funny is the fact that I could probably run a small to medium sized company with my lowly SAHM skills.

I do the weed whacking because I am only person in the house than can operate it. Our weed whacker is...quirky. I refuse to replace something that isn't actually non-functional. If you jiggle the thingy, manually feed the string through every so often, and only use it on the highest setting, it's fine, dammit!

I do his personal grooming because he can't make a straight line to save his life.

I do the parrot care because her diet is complicated and she has a beak that can easily crack bone. DH got nipped once when she was a baby bird and just learning acceptable beak pressure. The big wuss hasn't physically touched her since. He just croons to her and plays music for her from a foot or so away! The rest of the pets I handle when I do breakfast for the parrot and DH, so it's done before DH even gets up. Bonus: the dogs are all sleeping off their breakfast and don't try Jedi mind tricking us for ours.

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My offer still stands.
IIRC, I'm too old for you and my daughters are too young!

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #45 of 48 (permalink) Old 11-11-2016, 05:19 PM
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Re: So men what does your SO do that shows you appreciation?

it took a while for me to realise it : nothing.

Although if you ask them:
making food for themselves and the kids. (or often buying take out, with my money for her and kids).
keeping the house tidy in which she is living.
ignoring and refusing to enter the garage, which stores her spare stuff, and for some reason has accumulated most of my possessions.
staying in my house, letting me spend some of my earnings that I get paid from business and work.
giving some of my money (from my credit card) to the kids so they can buy me christmas and fathers day presents.
paying the bills for their domocile on time, after me telling her off because she got disconnected a couple of times and I had to pay the reconnection penalties. (I wasn't living there).
inviting me to the childrens' birthday parties.
agreeing to go out when I get theatre tickets for us, or take the family out as a special treat.
communicating to me that the children's school/camp fees require paying and she hasn't saved enough to cover her part.|
(first wife) agreeing not to secretly spend to the limit on our backup "emergency" credit card (but then doing it anyway - but it was for "gifts" to other people, not on herself, so didn't
count..)

(this is all before they leave)

Last edited by spotthedeaddog; 11-11-2016 at 05:50 PM.
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