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Old 11-29-2011, 10:59 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

Sex rank is fluid. It's a concept. One that most people can easily get their head around.

It isn't limited to a sample of one. In other words, just because your wife now finds you less attractive than vomiting - has almost nothing to do with how others see you. It's subjective.

As for Athol's piece about partners trying to maintain parity with sex rank, again it depends.
It depends upon where the relationship is at. If you and your wife have been on the downward spiral, and she proceeds to drop 20 pounds, and buys a new wardrobe, going from a 5 to an 8 ... odds are, that change isn't intended to attract her husband. Same goes for a male.

Sex rank depends upon 'the goal' of pairing up.

If it's for a fling ... looks alone may win the day.

If it's for long term security and starting a family, other characteristics will be given more weight.

We see this often when someone here posts about thinking their spouse is a wonderful person but there was never any real spark, or desire attached.
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:25 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Sex rank entirely has to do with attraction. Generally the higher your rank the larger number of potential mates find you attractive - but with rank its not about individual preferences it is all about numbers and statistics. With a higher rank (thus larger number of potential mates) also comes an increased chance of attracting a higher ranked mate.

But once two people have become attracted, gotten to know each other and make a committment, rank stops being a factor in the relationship (in my opinion) however it always remains a factor in society.
But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned? A guy who is a 6 may well rank a woman who is a 6 much higher than a woman who is a ten as far as attraction is concerned!

Now are there more 6s in the world than there are 10s? Give it a go next time in a shopping mall. Are there more 10s than there are anything else? Surely the answer is no! So there will be less people attracted to a 10 then there is to a 6!

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Beauty be they a 6 or a 10 is absolutely subjective. In that one person will rate a 6 higher than a 10 as far as attraction is concerned.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:01 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Sorry, but commitment is not the end all, part of the commitment is that you don't allow yourself to become some sort of liability in the spouse's eye. Changing from being a stimulating person to be around to "half the man " or "half the woman" you were when they remain constant or improve grates over time. If there are other options they will be gone.
I never said it was, but it definitely puts each spouses unconscious sex rank of their partner in the back seat... so in a committed marriage if one partner decides to improve something about themself (and in turn wittingly or unwittingly improve their sex rank) it doesn't necessarily change the dynamic of the relationship, thus it may not lead the other spouse to want to improve something also. In fact, typically when we see one spouse make sudden improvements it is a red flag of infidelity because suddenly sex rank is back in the front seat. All I was trying to say is that sex rank has a bigger affect on first impressions, IMO.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:04 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned?
The collective.

I really don't have any inclination to argue about how the collective or even the individual decides to determine sex rank. I just simply think it is a fairly accurate, albeit crude, model of attraction.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:20 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

You pretty much bring home what you can pull. If you are a six, all you can pull is a six and you are happy with that, you win Love's lottery. You will probably be happier with a 6 anyway, being hooked up with 7,8,9,10's means putting yourself at risk from other males poaching all the time.....
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:49 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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You pretty much bring home what you can pull. If you are a six, all you can pull is a six and you are happy with that, you win Love's lottery. You will probably be happier with a 6 anyway, being hooked up with 7,8,9,10's means putting yourself at risk from other males poaching all the time.....
+1

Couldn't agree more...my own philosophy is that people have the partners they do because neither partner could do any better! lol

Even when two people are not the same attraction wise, perhaps the more physically attractive one is lacking in other areas and that keeps them together.

When no longer equally yoked, that is likely when the partner who feels he/she is getting the short end of the stick, finally packs up shop and moves on.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:51 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I never got into sex ranking. I actually think itís rather derogatory. For me itís all to do with attraction. Itís that feeling of attraction that I look for, Iím either attracted or Iím not. Sheís either attracted to me or not. The woman can be beautiful or not, after all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And itís not just physical beauty thatís in the eye of the beholder.

So if both partners are attracted to one another then surely thatís the be all and end all of it. It matters not if oneís a ten and the others a four as far as looks are concerned. Surely beauty is only skin deep, itís what is on the inside that truly matters.


Emphasis mine, and that bit especially.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:55 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Emphasis mine, and that bit especially.

It is, but it's the way it often works, we are all sized up in different ways, other things such as wealth and prestige will also effect these rankings, odious as they may be ;~)
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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I just finished reading Married Man sex life. I have mixed opinion about this book. I totally agree with AFEH, sex rank has nothing to do with looks. I work out 6-7 times a week, since I was 14. I am now 30. I am in excellent shape, I dress very well, drive very nice car, I am very well mannered. People tell me I am very attractive. Still my wife lost her physical attraction towards me. She said it's because of my attitude, she said I live in high pace life and she cannot keep up with me. I always rush her.
Yeah, this can definitely happen. And it isn't gender-specific. Someone can be hot as hell on the outside but if they are rude/mean/have an attitude problem/treat you poorly, you are not going to be sexually attracted to them (for more than a roll in the hay). And even then, it's hard to fell attracted enough to want s ex with someone who treats you badly/poorly/isn't nice.

I don't really understand sex-ranking or whatever but I think bot my exH and I are pretty attractive people, both in shape. I always thought he was very handsome but when we started rowing and our communication faltered, a wall slowly built up and I began to resent him because of the way he was treating me. I still think he's sexy but I can definitely say there were times when I found him appalling and did not want sex with him because of his attitude.
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Old 11-29-2011, 02:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I don't really understand sex-ranking or whatever but I think bot my exH and I are pretty attractive people, both in shape. I always thought he was very handsome but when we started rowing and our communication faltered, a wall slowly built up and I began to resent him because of the way he was treating me.
Sex rank is very straightforward. It's your 'number' from 1 to 10. One being very undesirable, and 10 being extraordinarily desirable ... according to the opposite sex.
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Old 11-29-2011, 02:51 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

Jellybeans;

I know what you mean. I am not perfect, but nobody is perfect. I never said I was rude or treated somebody poorly especially my wife. I have very simple attitude in life I want to be Treated the Way I Treat People. And I am no willing to settle for less. Its not about keeping score who did what. All this years I was trying to be affectionate, giving gifts, spend quality time, provide financially, provide security, I made every possible sacrifice I could so she can have better life. At the end she lost her lust. And I am fine with this, because I am only 30 not 50-60 and I know I did everything I could to make her happy. Sometimes when things come to you too quickly and too much you become bored
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Old 11-29-2011, 04:15 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Originally Posted by AFEH View Post
But in whose eye is the higher the rank as far as attraction is concerned? A guy who is a 6 may well rank a woman who is a 6 much higher than a woman who is a ten as far as attraction is concerned!

Now are there more 6s in the world than there are 10s? Give it a go next time in a shopping mall. Are there more 10s than there are anything else? Surely the answer is no! So there will be less people attracted to a 10 then there is to a 6!

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Beauty be they a 6 or a 10 is absolutely subjective. In that one person will rate a 6 higher than a 10 as far as attraction is concerned.
Most things in life are based on a bell curve. Meaning most folks will be around the average ... whatever that is. Since these are perceptions I would also say that those celebrities that many think are 8, 9 and 10s may very well be closer to average in real life. Not as tall or trim. Less make up and no fancy hair styles and so on. They are seen in ideal settings. They cleanup nice. They will also be seen with real world personalities.

Men are generally more visual so you may be able to play that numbers game with women. Women may indeed play that same game but men's sex rank can be based on their perceived power and status along with physical attributes. Perhaps that is changing with the times. We shall see.
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Old 11-29-2011, 04:20 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Was some good discussion about sex rank in this thread:
The Science of Sex Appeal

Also contains some links to video clips of the Discovery program.
Great stuff. I found it interesting that it was found that women who already had a long term partner showed more skin and tended to flirt more openly with men not their husband. That said they were at a club. I would suggest that the sample was skewed by those women in LTRs that were there to dance with men not their husbands to begin with. As it relates to this thread they would have a higher sex rank for that behavior.
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Old 11-29-2011, 04:25 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

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Jellybeans;

I know what you mean. I am not perfect, but nobody is perfect. I never said I was rude or treated somebody poorly especially my wife. I have very simple attitude in life I want to be Treated the Way I Treat People. And I am no willing to settle for less. Its not about keeping score who did what. All this years I was trying to be affectionate, giving gifts, spend quality time, provide financially, provide security, I made every possible sacrifice I could so she can have better life. At the end she lost her lust. And I am fine with this, because I am only 30 not 50-60 and I know I did everything I could to make her happy. Sometimes when things come to you too quickly and too much you become bored
Oh, no, I know. I wasn't calling YOU out per se, just adding to your story, that I have been your wife and I get how she feels and it makes sense.

The point I was trying to make was that when women don't feel loved/respected/treated right by their partner, their sexual desire for said partner dissipates. I am sure men feel the same way too.

Feeling loved and respected and treated well makes for GREAT sex/sexual attraction.
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Old 11-29-2011, 04:50 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sex Rank

I think it should be pointed out that sex rank has a lot to do with initial attraction. Substance matters as well in more personal matters. Sex rank IMHO shoiuld be viewed in the all else equal category. It is a contributing factor in the long run. It is a critical factor in the very micro term.

Also Athol goes on to explain that men will seek out sex with women of lower sex rank more often that the reverse. Meaning a male 8 will have sex with 6s and 7s or lower. Any port in a storm kinda thing. Women are wired to trade up. Some would say women are wired to be monogamous at any givem instance. Just with different men over time, trading up the ladder -- hypergamy. Men are trying to repopulate the planet.

Men can have a show of higher sex rank through pre-selection as well. This does not work in reverse. Reminds me of Sister Wives.
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