Responsibility for other people's decisions - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 03:38 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

Why should you feel responsible? She is an adult, and if you were open and honest about your intentions upfront you shouldn't feel bad. Back in the day I did the FWB thing a time or two, or three.... Yes there were times when someone got too close....but....they were also times that I got too close. That's honestly just the nature of these relationships. Its likely that one party will eventually feel more for the other at some point...usually the fall out isn't as bad though. When one party catches feelings they usually tell you that they feel more for you than just being a FWB. At that point you can decide if you want to end it or not. No need to assume anything.

With that said, in the one instance I did fall for an FWB she ended it literally a day after I told her I had feelings. I certainly wasn't devastated, because we were honest all the way through. I decided to take a chance and we weren't on the same page. In a FWB situation thats the risk you accept. I regretted saying anything, because being an FWB is a heck of a lot better than getting friend zoned. You get the best part of the relationship, without the actual relationship. Its hard to explain, it isn't just sex. They really are your friend...at least that was my experience. For the life of me I can't figure out why so many of us assume women are these delicate flowers that can't handle an FWB situation.
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post #47 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
Why should you feel responsible? She is an adult, and if you were open and honest about your intentions upfront you shouldn't feel bad. Back in the day I did the FWB thing a time or two, or three.... Yes there were times when someone got too close....but....they were also times that I got too close. That's honestly just the nature of these relationships. Its likely that one party will eventually feel more for the other at some point...usually the fall out isn't as bad though. When one party catches feelings they usually tell you that they feel more for you than just being a FWB. At that point you can decide if you want to end it or not. No need to assume anything.

With that said, in the one instance I did fall for an FWB she ended it literally a day after I told her I had feelings. I certainly wasn't devastated, because we were honest all the way through. I decided to take a chance and we weren't on the same page. In a FWB situation thats the risk you accept. I regretted saying anything, because being an FWB is a heck of a lot better than getting friend zoned. You get the best part of the relationship, without the actual relationship. Its hard to explain, it isn't just sex. They really are your friend...at least that was my experience. For the life of me I can't figure out why so many of us assume women are these delicate flowers that can't handle an FWB situation.
Well put. Good post!

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post #48 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

Well guys, I don't know how to break this to the thread but well, I kinda developed feelings, and well she shares them. I don't know, I was quite adamant about getting involved emotionally but well, things just got emotional, for both of us.

I guess this thread has kinda become irrelevant to my own current state at least...
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post #49 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 06:54 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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Well guys, I don't know how to break this to the thread but well, I kinda developed feelings, and well she shares them. I don't know, I was quite adamant about getting involved emotionally but well, things just got emotional, for both of us.



I guess this thread has kinda become irrelevant to my own current state at least...


No, this thread is very relevant. It should be a sticky.

Take it slow. Good luck.
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post #50 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 11:48 AM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Well guys, I don't know how to break this to the thread but well, I kinda developed feelings, and well she shares them. I don't know, I was quite adamant about getting involved emotionally but well, things just got emotional, for both of us.

I guess this thread has kinda become irrelevant to my own current state at least...
Actually the topic of the thread is very much relevant to your current situation. The fact that both of you may have developed emotions does not change the fact that neither of you are responsible for someone else's emotions.
In fact the opposite idea(that you are responsible) is why many stay in bad situations in the first place. As well as why many feel so betrayed when their SO decides to break it off.
BTW- good luck and have fun with your current relationship, just remember you are only responsible for your self.

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post #51 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 12:55 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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The fact that both of you may have developed emotions does not change the fact that neither of you are responsible for someone else's emotions.


Totally wrong. If i do something mean to my wife and make her cry, i am responsible

If i do something good and make her love me, i am responsible.

No difference with OP.
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post #52 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 03:30 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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Totally wrong. If i do something mean to my wife and make her cry, i am responsible

If i do something good and make her love me, i am responsible.

No difference with OP.
Sorry chumley, but you are wrong. You are only responsible for doing something mean or doing something good. In the end it is the other person who is responsible for their reaction to it. You have no control over that.

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post #53 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 03:44 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

Sounds to me like hiring a hooker would have been far simpler for all involved.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #54 of 54 (permalink) Old 11-22-2016, 03:54 PM
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Re: Responsibility for other people's decisions

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Well guys, I don't know how to break this to the thread but well, I kinda developed feelings, and well she shares them. I don't know, I was quite adamant about getting involved emotionally but well, things just got emotional, for both of us.

I guess this thread has kinda become irrelevant to my own current state at least...
Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants....perhaps it will work out for the both of you, and maybe not; either way...you both take a chance on each other, and your not just watching from the side lines of life. its easy to watch much harder to play, people get hurt but its worth it.
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