Need Advice: Sex & Emotions
First post here! I am looking for advice from guys that may have gone/are going through something similar to me. I am going to try and keep this as short as possible.
I am only 25 years old and I've been married for two years. I feel it's important to mention this because it's a major part of how things have developed in our life. We both waited until marriage to have "real sex". All through college we fooled around, but knew we wanted to wait to do the real thing. On our wedding night we tried to have sex, but she said it hurt too much. On the honeymoon we tried a few more times and it got better but I could tell she was hurting and not enjoying it fully.
Fast forward two years and we are having sex maybe once a month. I would consider myself someone who really wants to be sexually active, especially while we're young. The painful sex issue has never gone away. She has seen a doctor, Ive read up to make sure I'm not doing something wrong... I try to initiate sex all the time but she says no. I know it bothers her so I try to just play it cool so she doesn't feel bad. I've talked to her about wanting to have sex more, and she acts like she is on board, but it never goes anywhere. When we do have sex I feel as if most of time she is just doing it to keep me happy, which really doesn't. I feel like we shouldn't be having this issue at our age, but I don't know how to talk about it without upsetting her... this is problem one...
Problem two... Over the past year my wife has been expressing that she has dark thoughts. I have walked in on her just randomly crying. I try to talk to her about it and ask whats wrong but she can't answer. We rarely fight and when we do its usually over very quick. This recent depression just has me really confused and feeling hopeless. I ask her if she wants to talk to someone else about it but she says "I know what they are going to say so it's useless".
The reason I came on here tonight is because I came home to find my wife getting ready for bed at 6:00pm. I asked why and she said she just needs to sleep to deal with her thoughts. I made the mistake of trying to get her to talk about it and it progressed to her crying and saying things I really hope she didn't mean. Our conversation ended with me saying "I really wish we could find a way to make you happy again" to which she responded "There isn't a way and maybe you shouldn't be married to me". This really shocked me because we weren't fighting... it just came out of nowhere. These mini episodes have been happening a lot recently and I just don't know what to do anymore.
As men (and women too, if they are on this section), what are the steps I can take for each of these issues. I hope it doesn't sound selfish to say this but I'm getting to a point where I feel like I'm being too nice. I'm not showing her real emotion because I don't want to make either situation worse...