The Sexless Marriage
I'm new here but really need to express how I feel.
I live, no exist in a sexless marriage. In fact <10 times per year, try < 10 times in 3 or 4 years.
I am drepessed, the depression has been the result of a traumatic year losing both mum and uncle (closer to me than my real father) all in the space of 3 weeks. Dealing with all that, caring for my father and on top of this living in a marriage which is sexless.
Now I have done a lot of thinking about this and come up with the following:
1. In life (generally) we make time for things we want to do eg grabbing a coffee with a friend, going to gym etc. If my "wife" doesn't want to make time for me then I'm an absolute mug for making time for her. Clear she isnt interested. Shes not prepared to make the time for intimacy.
2. I realised the other day we grab a coffee together every second day....I havent had sex that many times in 15 years.
3. I have become an angry frustrated mid 50's male. I tried so hard to keep her happy but in the end have realised what a fool I have been. Now I make myself happy FIRST.
4. I found it hard at first to say NO to things she wanted us to do but now it just rolls off....unless it suits me.
5. My advise to those in a similar situation is RUN. Because I doubt things will change and why the F should you live miserably....what is the benefit to you ? Go seek somebody else......I am not far off this step....plans are in motion and hopefully I can meet somebody.
6. In my case my "wife"has not respected me because I was Mr Agreeable, happy to accommodate and please. I believe when you lose that respect your partner desires you less.
7. If you are in a sexless marriage and you partner says Ï love you" say yeah as if, they are just words you certainly dont show it physically.
8. A sexless marriage isnt a true marriage, in fact I believe it's cruel and intentionally cruel (unless there is some medical/psych reason). Imagine if you denied your partner money or food, yet it's fine to deny sex ?
9. Be careful your partner doesnt hold sex as a "rreward" that never comes, some partners can really manipulate the other.
OK so you think I sound bitter....bloody oath I do. There is no point in my case trying to talk to her cause she doesnt want to know. So dont be like me and suffer silently, making yourself mentally sick...ACT. You are a human and sex is part of being human. You have the right maybe even obligation to find happiness and your partner can jump because it was through their actions that led you to cheat or leave, how dare they try to put the responsibility on to you, do not stand for that !!!