How do men move on so fast???!! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 07:58 PM Thread Starter
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Married dude. You are absolutely correct. I just need to find a way to keep pushing on. I will just continue to date and try to be happy on my own. I think I'm just still grieving or something. And it almost seems unfair that he is over it and has moved on. Your are right. And if he could truly move on that fast. I know he did not love me the way that I loved him. I see that now.

Just wanted to say thanks.
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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 08:07 PM
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Re: How do men move on so fast???!!

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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 11-28-2016, 09:54 PM
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Re: How do men move on so fast???!!

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Originally Posted by fall222 View Post
Basically the main reason I broke up with him is he would not marry me after 4.5 years. He had been saying he wanted to get married right along but he would not propose. Marriage is important to me and I did not want to settle for just living together as a child was involved. There were some other issues regarding his placing his ex as a higher priority than me as well. During our last few conversations it became very clear to me that he is scared to marry and he needed more time after 4.5 years. I was done waiting. I'm a very committed person and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. And he always told me the same. But actions speak louder than words. I also don't believe in living together prior to marriage especially when kids are involved. He knew this right along and I feel he just kept me hanging on.
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Originally Posted by fall222 View Post
Married dude. You are absolutely correct. I just need to find a way to keep pushing on. I will just continue to date and try to be happy on my own. I think I'm just still grieving or something. And it almost seems unfair that he is over it and has moved on. Your are right. And if he could truly move on that fast. I know he did not love me the way that I loved him. I see that now.
Some people just aren't good at being alone. They need someone in their life, and no matter how unhappy they are in the relationship, they don't leave because they still think it's better than being alone. These people often have exit affairs, getting the next relationship lined up before ending the first one. Or, they have potential partners waiting in the wings, so they can move quickly onto one in the event of being dumped. Or they latch on to the first person they meet afterwards, and convince themselves the relationship is awesome because it's better than the last one.

Your ex sounds like one of these types. He never truly wanted to marry you, or he would have, but he told you what he needed to tell you for as long as he could get away with it, so he wouldn't get dumped and be alone.

You are a different person, with different values and different ideas of the point of relationships.

It absolutely does seem unfair that he's apparently happily ensconced with someone else already, while you are taking time to be alone and grieve the lost potential you thought you had with him. But you want different things out of a relationship. He just needs a warm body, apparently. He's got one again, so he's happy again.

Personally, I think your way is much better. And don't feel bad about being taken advantage of for so long. It's testament to you being a good person, and him faking it well. Take pride in your independence, and make your own happiness instead of relying on someone else for it.
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