If I need to have my own space, she will not feel loved like she needs.
Yes, if she exhibits strong Borderline traits as you suspect, she will feel abandoned by you whenever you move away from her. But that's only half the problem. Such a person also has a second great fear -- engulfment. Importantly, the positions of those two fears -- abandonment and engulfment -- are at the opposite ends of the very same
spectrum. This means you are always in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.
Hence, as you move close to a BPDer to comfort her and assure her of your love, you will start triggering her engulfment fear, making her feel like she's being suffocated and controlled by you. Yet, as you back away to give her breathing space, you will find that you've started triggering her abandonment fear. And, sadly, there is no midpoints solution (between "too close" and "too far away") where you can safely stand to avoid triggering the two fears. I know because I foolishly spent 15 years searching for that Goldilocks position, which simply does not exist.
Borderline Personality Syndrome seems to be the closest thing that I can use to describe her personality....
Here in the States it's called BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder
), even though "Syndrome"
is a more accurate term. If you are interested, I describe the red flags for that syndrome at 18 BPD Warning Signs
-- and provide a more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread
. If those descriptions ring many bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Take care, Ford.