Regrets and questions - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 10:30 AM
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 511
Re: Regrets and questions

Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
The problem is you, not your wife or your circumstances. Circumstances always change, your wife it there to work on it together. You are the one that has to change though. You are going to blow up your world and your poor wife. And you already cheated on her once. This will not end well for you and you will not end up happy I am afraid.

You are not entitled to more then a woman who loves you. No one is.

Well said. We are lucky to find one that loves us much less two. What you want is a piece of A##. IF that is really what you want then get a divorce and go crazy. Then when the smoke clears and you are left with nothing you will truly feel like a piece of garbage. Then you will have to start over and will be asking the question: "Why cant I find love"

Gimme a break dude. Wake the F up!
NoMoreTears4me is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 11:50 AM
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,060
Re: Regrets and questions

I am going to go against the grain here, but I do from the standpoint of experience. I too lived when I should have died. Just as the OP did. There is a very real aspect of surviving something that you think you shouldn't have, it is called survivors remorse. It sounds as though the OP is suffering from that. It is very easy for those on the outside to cast aspersions. I know because I suffered through them for years.

I had flesh eating bacteria in my right tricep muscle about 20 years ago. I went through five major surgeries in five days. After the last surgery, they told my wife that I wasn't going to live through the night and to call in my family. They said IF on the slim possibility that I lived through the night they were going to take my right arm above the shoulder. I lived thru the night, but they didn't have to take the arm. But I have very little of my tricep left. I can move my arm, but have no strength. It has affected my life dramatically. I cannot work out the way I used to. I cannot play sports like I used to. I cannot do carpentry like I used to. I am not whole, even though most people think I should be.

While I was in the hospital, my wife was there everyday. In fact she claimed to be the reason I lived. She said she went to the chapel and said a prayer for me and was overcome with peace. She told me this later. In the meantime I came out of my coma after 10 days and the first thought was "I need to divorce my wife" I have no idea where the thought came from, but I felt guilty as hell having had it. I never told anyone about that thought until after she divorced me.

After I got out of the hospital, I was offered counseling. I declined. I had the same attitude that so many here have. I felt the fact that I lived was all I needed. I should just be happy and count my blessings. I tried to live the attitude, but I KNEW I wasn't whole. I felt guilty for living. I felt guilty for having thought I should divorce my wife. It clouded every aspect of my life since then.
In response to my guilt I devoted myself to my family. After all I had been given another day on earth with them and that was all that should matter! But that wasn't the case. In the end I gave up who I was out of guilt. I stopped being me and became a doormat. The things I did do for myself, always seemed to come back to bite me in the azz. I got to the point of just waiting to die. I had given up on life. Especially after my family no longer needed me.

My advise to the OP is get counseling for survivor's remorse. Do this before you do something stupid. I would never advise anyone to cheat or have an affair and I am not going to now. What you are feeling is real, it comes from the depth of your soul. If you feel as though you haven't lived, you owe it to your wife to explain this to her. It may end your marriage, it may make it stronger. She may not understand, just as many of those who have posted responses to you do not understand. But you owe her honesty as much as it may hurt both of you. Or you can ignore it all and live a lie for the rest of your life. Whatever you do, she is innocent and does not deserve to be hurt and betrayed.

OP your life has changed and so have you. You need to figure this out before you cause unnecessary pain to others. You need to be honest and give your loved ones the opportunity to accept your change. Otherwise you may end up exactly where I am today - divorced through no choice of your own. Get counseling, not for your marriage, but for yourself.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!

Last edited by Ynot; 12-06-2016 at 11:55 AM.
Ynot is offline  
post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 02:52 PM
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,265
Re: Regrets and questions

Originally Posted by NoMoreTears4me View Post
Well said. We are lucky to find one that loves us much less two. What you want is a piece of A##. IF that is really what you want then get a divorce and go crazy. Then when the smoke clears and you are left with nothing you will truly feel like a piece of garbage. Then you will have to start over and will be asking the question: "Why cant I find love"

Gimme a break dude. Wake the F up!
More like grow up.
sokillme is online now  
post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 03:06 PM
Forum Supporter
MarriedDude's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: ORYGUN
Posts: 1,848
Re: Regrets and questions

Kinda been there lived. Now your thinking you need to do this dramatic thing because you realize how fragile and brief life really is.

Having thoughts or fantasies about this isnt the problem...Hell, I have fond memories of piles of blow, strippers and pros that looked like super models...The thing is, that stuff doesnt matter. Not really, not like your building up.

The thing that does matter, though, the only thing that outlasts us, is the lives we touch and the memories we make. You have a wife that stood by you, loves you. The way you treat her matters. The memories that you make with her matter.

I have a wife that stood by me, helped me come home when NO one else would. Believed in me when no one else did. Just like yours. Repay your wifes love and dedication with honor, respect, appreciation and of course love.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
MarriedDude is offline  
post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-06-2016, 03:31 PM
jb02157's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,341
Re: Regrets and questions

Dude, if you want the single life, then get divorced and have it. A guy like you shouldn't be married.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 01:17 AM
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,639
Re: Regrets and questions

Sent you a PM. I'm not joining the BS crowd here - i hear you and believe you need to go through the stages of grieving. I don't think you're a bad guy and I don't think your thoughts are abnormal - this is how many of us panic with cancer.

The key is to not act on this and instead process it. Come back and continue to post

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is offline  
post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:39 AM
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 62
You are ruining things with your wife. Seek professional help ASAP. There is no excuse for what u are thinking of doing.
fall222 is offline  
post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:14 PM
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: Regrets and questions

Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
All pu$$y is the same.
That's like saying all tools, such as hammers are the same. They're mostly the same, some bigger, some smaller, some have a loose handle, but all in all it's not the tool, it's how it's used.
browser is offline  
post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 07:01 PM
Forum Supporter
Windwalker's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: SW MO
Posts: 109
Re: Regrets and questions


I'm curious, how many doctors have to stand next to your hospital bed and tell you that you shouldn't be alive, before you get to crawl on the pity pity poor me train?

After about the 8th one I quit listening. Yeah, so what I just survived a massive heart attack that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, I shouldn't have survived. Less talking about how I should be dead and more talking about the future. How do I move on from here.

I move on by making the most of everyday and busting my azz to secure my family's future. I work even harder to make sure they don't want for anything. Most importantly, I tell them how much I love and appreciate everyone of them. Every day!

There was no one there with me. I was 500 miles from home. I called my wife from the table to tell her I loved her and then the big pains started.

Just me, the doctors in the little bitty town Hospital, the crushing weight on my chest, and the good Lord. I remember vividly staring at the lights in the emergency room and thinking, Shtt, I guess this is it. 2 hours later the life flight landed and I was rushed to the operating room at University Hospital in Omaha.

I called her the next morning and let her know I was OK, or at least I was alive. Lol. She had called the hospital literally every hour over the night asking how I was doing. I told her if all went well I would be out in 3 days and I was looking forward to seeing her. I didn't want her there is shtt hit the fan.

3 days later she came and got me and took me home. That night after I fibbed to her about being clear for sex, I made love to my wife, because I wasn't about to let a heart attack stand between us.

Yeah, she was pissed she she found out I fibbed about it.

I love my wife!

Dude, you need to man the fvck up and appreciate the second chance!
Windwalker is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
BH writes: My regrets as a 46 year old, and advice to others at a crossroad Truthseeker1 Coping with Infidelity 80 03-31-2016 05:09 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome