"Sl*tty sex" - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 11:59 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
If your a guy dating a girl it's hard to really know what ur sex life will be like 10+ years later if you married. Some women bate and switch. Sometimes women are just super sexual at the beginning of any relationship, it's the novelty, the excitement, the hormones and I think this is most common. I think the only almost guarantee is if your dating someone who doesn't seem to love sex, or be super into it that's a good indication that ur not going to have an amazing wild sex life in 10+ years.
I think we can all admit that the first couple weeks/months in a relationship are nothing like how they are once you have been married for 10+ years. So it baffles me when people have affairs and leave their wife for their mistress thinking it's going to be any different.
Because often, sex is not the main impetus for affairs.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #62 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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What I mean is trying too hard in a relationship. I do not think she should be trying so hard to "catch" and keep a man.



She should be herself and just let things happen. A man who appreciates her for herself would be my hope for her.


I agree! And her trying too hard shows her neediness in a man. Which reflects a whole bunch of other issues like self esteem and self worth.
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post #63 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:03 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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What I mean is trying too hard in a relationship. I do not think she should be trying so hard to "catch" and keep a man.

She should be herself and just let things happen. A man who appreciates her for herself would be my hope for her.
Yes, I agree with this. She shouldn't be using sex as a way to catch a man. Sex should be for enjoyment, not relationship manipulation. I think OP's sister is probably looking for love in all the wrong places (you will now have this song in your head for hours, you're welcome). If you look in a place where men are likely to want to just hook up, then that's what you're going to get.

If she looks for a match in a place where men are more likely to be looking for a solid relationship anyway--and THEN bangs them until they can't walk--I don't see that as a problem. Her motivations for why she's 'using' sex, rather than 'having' sex I think are a separate issue.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #64 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:23 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

My wife is very sexual, but she has never been at all indiscriminate about partners. So yes, I'll enthusiastically take an adventurously sl**ty woman in the bedroom, as long as she is intelligent and refined everywhere else. The good girls who carry that attitude into the bedroom are extremely disappointing.

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post #65 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:36 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol
You're assuming that when people have sex during the act they are thinking the other is suitable for marriage. Usually it's just sex.

It's not the sex, it's the guy's she's hooking up with, do they have conversations, common interests, do they gel socially and intellectually.

A myriad of reasons...rather than the uncouth blow a load into her face... is she telling you this..and this in turn you share on a forum?

hmmm.
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post #66 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:48 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol
It's not that black and white. It's only white.

It's one of those case by case sorts of things but for sure the woman isn't putting her best foot forward when she lets the guy blow lunch all over her on date #1.
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post #67 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Who cares what I say on the forum nobody knows who she is. If you're trying to twist that to make me feel guilty you failed. Yes my cousin and I talk. I give her my obviously biased advice. So I come to this forum to see if men agree with my advice to her of if I'm off base. My intention is to help her. Not exploit her.
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post #68 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:51 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Having read the OP, I really think this may be more about the OP than the cousin. I may have missed it somewhere, but does any of this bother the cousin? She may just enjoy having kinky sex. Does it bother her that she hasn't found the "one"? Perhaps she disagree with the idea of the "one"?
I think sexual compatibility is one of those issues that don't get addressed enough in most relationships. When we first meet someone, we may have so many other compatibilities that we modulate or otherwise make accomodations for the others sexual appetite. Then many years later, we find out about some here to for unknown kink or fetish our partner may or may not enjoy.
Perhaps your cousin has just decided that getting her kink out in the open sooner is better than later? It isn't that she isn't finding her "one", but more about she is finding her "one" on the basis of false advertising.

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post #69 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:52 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Who cares what I say on the forum nobody knows who she is. If you're trying to twist that to make me feel guilty you failed. Yes my cousin and I talk. I give her my obviously biased advice. So I come to this forum to see if men agree with my advice to her of if I'm off base. My intention is to help her. Not exploit her.
You're all good. No clue why the other poster took issue with you sharing a story that does not invade the privacy of an anonymous person.

Feel free to carry on, I like the way you make your points.
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post #70 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:58 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

I think that if she has sex very soon with a lot of different guys, the guy might think she does that with everyone, and it sounds like she does. It's fine for a ONS, but if she wants something more, the guy will always know that he could have just been anyone she slept with right away. There's nothing special about being with someone who would sleep with any person who is interested, IMO.

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post #71 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.
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post #72 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 01:05 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.
If she waits to have sex, and just lets herself get to know a guy for a while, it will help her self esteem and help her to find a great guy for a relationship. (since this is the issue she seems to struggle with)

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post #73 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 02:59 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.
That sounds rather sad for her. Does she have a lot to offer a good man aside from wild sex? If so, then perhaps all she needs to do is slow down a bit with such men, not showing her full range of sexual delights until she and he get to know each other better in other ways as well. I am not saying hide or suppress what she likes, just ramp it up more slowly so other things have time to grow and develop as well.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #74 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 03:06 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
My cousin has issues from childhood. Self esteem issues. She has been in therapy for many years. I feel like how she is with sex is self destructive behavior that feels good when she's doing it, but when yet another boyfriend breaks up with her it f*cks her up. All she wants is to find "the one". She has always had self esteem issues and she uses men to try to make herself feel better. And it does, in that moment only.
There are young men who are similarly messed up in the head but who have a good heart and want to find the one girl he can lavish his love on. Maybe she will find that guy who has the need to pour adoration on a woman and show his desire constantly. Maybe they can both be fulfilled by their neediness in a way that makes them healthier together.

If she doesn't truly enjoy the sex acts you mentioned, then I hope she becomes self aware enough to recognize this and seek to find out what she really does enjoy sexually.

Or if she does also enjoy the sex acts, hopefully she will meet that guy I described and he will love those sex acts, too.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #75 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 05:17 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship.
I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.
I'm 41, so maybe there is a generation gap or something, but I've always figured regular manual, oral with swallowing, facials, multiple positions, and a little hair pulling/back clawing were vanilla and standard. I wouldn't consider any of that freaky.

For me, sexual compatibility in terms of drive and tastes is very important. I have a healthy drive and, much as I love vanilla, I couldn't live on vanilla alone. I prefer to establish sexual compatibility early on, so I don't see a problem with her timing. If they don't click on all levels, why waste each others time?

DH and I wouldn't have considered each other marriage material if we weren't "freaks". Who wants to have a boring sex life for 50 or 60 years??

Is a woman like your cousin marriage material? Absolutely. The trick is finding a compatible partner. The right man for her will appreciate her sexuality and the rest of her, too.



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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.
OMG, YES! Yes, women really DO enjoy giving bj's, swallowing, and getting facials. Not all of us, obviously, but some. I can't really explain it properly without getting graphic, but all of the above are total turn-ons, very enjoyable, and hot as hell.

Yes, there are men who find making a woman squirt anywhere on them very hot and consider it to be a huge compliment and turn on.

You mentioned that your cousin doesn't seem to want to talk much with you on this subject. I think you might have to try to wrap your mind around the idea that some sex acts you find unappealing are actually very appealing to some women and really understand that before you'll be able to really understand your cousin and communicate on a deeper level with her.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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